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Relationships: The Day Bev Tried To Kill Me

Updated on July 13, 2012
Such a sweet face for a killer
Such a sweet face for a killer | Source
The intended victim.
The intended victim. | Source
The murder weapon
The murder weapon | Source

Bev and I have been together now for about four years, give or take a couple rocky moments. We love each other deeply. We would do anything for each other. We plan on spending the rest of our lives together. We have a shared past and a planned future. There is no one on this planet I would rather be with on any given day, and I’m sure she would say the same.

That’s why it was such a shock to me that my beloved tried to kill me. I mean, who would have guessed it? There was no warning! There was no argument leading up to that moment! There was utter happiness until the moment I realized that I had been marked for death, and the executioner was Bev.

To her credit she played the part perfectly. I never saw it coming, but then how many victims are aware of impending death until the final seconds, before the lights go out permanently on the stage of life, and the final curtain comes crashing down?

Only the luck of the Irish rendered her plan null and void. I am built of stout genes, and my body’s natural immune system kicked in at the last moment and prevented what would have been the end of my writing days.

Allow me to tell you about that fateful day when the music died, when my faith in unconditional love went bye-bye….the day Bev tried to kill me.

ANY SCREENPLAY NEEDS A SCENE

Ever since I have known Bev, and that’s been a little over four years, she has been on a crusade to help me live a healthier lifestyle. She is good at what she does; make no mistake about that fact. She slyly sneaks a salad in here, a vitamin in there, all the while appearing like everything is normal. I have known what she is up to for quite some time, but I have chosen to be magnanimous about it and let her have her fun.

I even agreed to go on walks with her, cut down on fast food, and of late I have even started yoga.

The thing about a crusade such as this one is that once you let the door open a crack then it can never be closed. Give Bev encouragement by trying lettuce one night and you can bet your socks she will sneak asparagus in the next night. It is a never-ending campaign and it has reached the point where I hardly recognize my body at all. Hell, I hardly recognize myself at all. Gone is the old man shuffle. Gone is the shortage of breath. Gone is the high blood pressure. In other words, everything I had grown accustomed to has left my life, leaving me with free-flowing blood, healthy lungs and damn it all to hell, stamina and good skin color!!!!

I had no way to know that it was all part of a greater plan, that she was just setting me up to take the ultimate fall. She had bought me a one-way ticket to that great salad bar in the sky and I was clueless until it was too late.

THE ULTIMATE IN DEGRADATION

I’m not much of a pill-popper. I was given some pretty impressive DNA by my birth parents and I am rarely sick, so I have never seen much use in vitamins and supplements. I figure my alcohol abuse for over twenty years beautifully prepared my body for the later years; no germ could possibly live inside a body that was awash in alcohol for so many years.

However, because I love Bev and because it gave her so much happiness, I started taking vitamins and then supplements. A couple of the pills were big enough to choke a horse but I hiked up my jock strap and bravely swallowed them, all in the name of love.

A few weeks ago Bev introduced a new player in the game; over breakfast one morning I noticed half of a little pink pill waiting for me next to my orange juice glass. I asked her what the hell that was. She calmly and sweetly replied that it was Niacin. I asked her what the hell it did. She calmly and sweetly replied that it helps lower cholesterol in the blood. I asked her why I needed that crap. She calmly and sweetly replied that it would be nice if I didn’t drop dead in the near future because of my stubbornness.

Well what the hell was I supposed to say to that? I took the damn thing and as I was leaving the table for a back-breaking day of writing articles that entertain the world, Bev mentioned that there might be side-effects from the Niacin. I asked her what the hell kind of side-effects. She calmly and sweetly mumbled something that I didn’t quite catch.

Fast forward three weeks. The little pink pill became a standard breakfast companion and none of the side-effects had been experienced. In fact, I had forgotten that there could be any side-effects. Such was the genius of Bev’s plan that she actually told me about the impending doom and it never even registered with me. Now that is diabolical!

AND SO IT HAPPENED!

July 10, 2012, the Day of Infamy! The day dawned like any other. I showered, kissed Bev good morning, and sat down to my breakfast of two eggs, orange juice and pink pill. Little did I know that my future could be counted in mere hours.

I went out to my studio and commenced writing the next great American novel. Two hours passed uneventfully and then it happened. My blood suddenly felt like it was on fire. My skin itched terribly and I started viewing my life as it passed before my very eyes. I literally ceased all actions and faced my own mortality. Sweat was poppin’ on my forehead, my blood continued to boil, and I contemplated dialing 911.

After a half hour of this the symptoms disappeared as suddenly as they had arrived. I calmly got up from the computer table, strolled into the house, and told Bev what had just happened. I knew she would be terribly concerned and quite frankly I was looking for some serious, no-nonsense sympathy. What I got, instead, was Bev laughing so hard I thought she would have a stroke. I’m sure the neighbors stopped what they were doing and wondered why Bev was so hysterical with laughter.

When she finally caught her breath she calmly and sweetly explained that those were the effects of Niacin and that she had explained to me that it might happen.

For the record, I was not amused!

I am happy to announce that Bev and I are still a couple. I have had two days now to reflect on what happened and I can see where I might have had some part in the events that transpired. It is entirely possible that I didn’t listen quite as closely as I should have when she was explaining the side-effects. I have been told before that I might have selective hearing and it’s possible this was one of those times.

I have graciously forgiven my love but I have not forgotten. The Niacin has been shelved. Let my arteries clog; it can’t be any worse than having my blood boil.

It turned out to be a valuable reminder of a fact I have known all my life but which I had forgotten, namely that women can be frightening at the best of times and downright deadly at the worst.

And God help me, I love them so!

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

For more articles about Bev, see the following:

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/The-Greatest-Asset-That-I-Have

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/The-Woman-I-love

To purchase any of my books on Kindle, go to:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=William%20D.%20Holland

To see hubs written by Bev, go to:

http://kingmaxler.hubpages.com/

Has you spouse ever tried to kill you?

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    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kathryn, there are time you just have to laugh. Once I realized I wasn't going to die, and I had talked to Bev, it was really pretty funny. :) I'm glad you enjoyed my little dance with death. LOL

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      That is such a sweet story! And what an attention-grabbing title! I'm glad you have the kind of woman who cares about your health, and is amused like that. I have to admit I have laughed at things that caught my humor, even though I didn't want to hurt the person's feelings. Sometimes it is hard not to laugh :) I didn't know about that side effect, either. I have relatives who take those. I'm curious if they have ever experienced it. Sounds awful!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MizB.....I was smiling while reading your comment. It was a miserable feeling, and since I am never sick, it was a bit scary....I thought for a moment that this was it.....whew! Never again my friend; never again!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 5 years ago

      Oh, Billybuc, you had me going until you named the Niacin pill, and then I knew where you were going with your story. I had to laugh because the same damned thing happened to me. Mr. Bejabbers' sdoctor put him on Niacin, so it wouldn't hurt me, right? He insisted I try it. After about a week I had a similar attack at work. One of my coworkers is a former registered nurse and she realized I was in trouble and tried to convince me to let her call 911. I insisted on waiting, and like you, the symptoms wore off after a couple of hours leaving me with a feeling of exhaustion. In the meantime, I was itching miserably all over with what looked like a bad case of Big Red Measles. Unlike you, I was not warned of any possible side effects. Mr. B. still takes his just fine. I guess let that be a lesson to the both of us -- and anybody else reading. Voted you up ++ for a great hub.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Innerspin, I'm glad you enjoyed this silliness. I am happy to report I have not taken that pill since and I'm doing quite well. Thank you!

    • innerspin profile image

      innerspin 5 years ago from uk

      Oh dear, that was so funny! I'm glad you recovered from your near death experience. As the saying goes, you always hurt the one you love. Thanks for the laughs.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, it's quite easy to miss hubs when they come out. When I turn on the computer I have over 100 notifications each morning....I start deleting the ones that I have already seen but sometimes I delete ones I haven't seen....and then they are gone.

      Say hi to your husband for me and tell him he's one lucky guy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Heck Natasha, I miss quite a few. I'm not sure how they slip by me since I'm on the computer ten hours a day, but they do. Thank you for catching up to this one and always, thank you for being who you are.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      Oh Bill, you and Kevin would get a long famously, because you truly do remind me quite a bit of him. Again, you are so very welcome and very happy to get to catch up on this one that I must have missed the first time out.

    • Natashalh profile image

      Natasha 5 years ago from Hawaii

      What an amusing read! How did I miss this when you first published it?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, twice in one day.....thank you once again my dear! I think I would like your husband. LOL At least we have commonalities.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 5 years ago from New York, New York

      ok you totally reminded me of my husband I. Tis one. He always jokes that he doesn't listen when I talk, because I talk a lot, so why i could totally see him not hearing the small details that I explain to him. Seriously Bill glad you are ok, but also loved this article and your sense of humor that was behind it all. Voted up and shared.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Suzette, what can I tell ya? I try to listen to Bev but old habits die hard. :) Thank you!

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 5 years ago from Taos, NM

      Sounded like an allergic reaction to me. I thought you were going to end up in the emergency room asphixiated. This turned out better than I thought - only side effects - geeeeze - listen to the woman!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lastheart, thank you so much! All is well!

    • Lastheart profile image

      Maria Magdalena Ruiz O'Farrill 5 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

      You are one kind of a writer...I was so nervous ready this. This was good!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Seanorjohn, great line! I'll mention it to Bev the next time she has a hankerin' to shorten my lifespan. Thanks for the visit.

    • seanorjohn profile image

      seanorjohn 5 years ago

      Bev seems the kind of gal that would not poison you at breakfast time. I'm guessing, just like my wife , she will let you have your last supper.

      Great writing and voting up.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Specialk, I would suggest that you skip it, yes! :) Thank you!

    • Specialk3749 profile image

      Karen Metz 5 years ago from Michigan

      Thank you for the great laugh and warning about niacin! I think I will skip trying that one! LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Peggy, Bev is my salvation! It's funny, but the first thing I thought about....after ruling out my impending death, was menopause. LOL Glad you enjoyed it!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Hi Billy,

      I am still laughing! Now you will be more sympathetic to women going through menopause as they suddenly turn beat red and sweat starts dripping off the back of their necks and they start fanning themselves furiously. You just got a little taste of it from Bev. She sounds like a gal who truly loves you...one lettuce leaf after another, including that niacin pill. Haha! Voted up and funny + sharing. Others probably need a good laugh today as I just enjoyed.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Habee, I don't think I want you talking to Bev anytime soon. Thanks for the suggestion but I don't think I'll pass it on. LOL

    • habee profile image

      Holle Abee 5 years ago from Georgia

      Okay, you have me laughing out loud - AGAIN! Ya know, if Bev really wanted to kill you, she'd use her hands in order to achieve the most pleasure.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Alicia, she is one of a kind for sure. Thank you and I will tell Bev what you said.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      I was very curious to know what the title of this hub meant! The story was very funny, but it had a serious side to it too, since some side effects of medicines can be dangerous. It's was wonderful to read about how concerned Bev is about your well being. She sounds like a lovely lady!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      hecate, there is no doubt that wives mean well. LOL Thank you!

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 5 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Great story of someone trying to kill you with kindness! Us wives mean well, anyway. Voted up!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Okay Paula, I'm going into the kitchen and tossing those little buggers in the garbage. That's all I needed to know to take action. Sheez, that is an ugly reaction. Thanks for sharing buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Teresa, all good stuff to know....now that I have survived! LOL Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      toknowinfo, I plan on doing just that. She is a treasure! Thank you!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      I told you....My niacinamide went right down the Toy-dee!!!!! You had a delayed reaction after taking a few, which means the dosage was lower than mine.....My doasage was so high, it required a Rx.......and the reaction began within 15 minutes and steadily became worse and worse.......I didn't even go into detail with my comment before.......Seriously, Jim wanted to take me to the ER........I was soooo sick, I told him we might as well just wait, and he could drive me straight to the Funeral Home.........I was literally ON FIRE......my entire body BLEW up to twice it's size....and I had projectile vomiting and was shaking uncontrollably...........Never had an experience like that in my life.......and you can bet your butt, I never will again!

    • Teresa Schultz profile image

      Teresa Schultz 5 years ago from East London, in South Africa

      Amusing hub, and I'm glad you lived to tell the tale! I'm also glad the niacin is shelved. Many people consider it not so wonderful, and some similar products, or products containing higher-than-recommended daily dosage of niacin have been recalled or looked into by the FDA.

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 5 years ago

      I can tell she takes good care of you or wouldn't have been able to write such an amusing piece. Keep on appreciating her and the magic in your relationship will last and last.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      toknowinfo, thanks for the kind words. Rest assured Bev really does take good care of me. Laughter is the best medicine for this boy.

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 5 years ago

      Great story Billy. You had me in great suspense the entire hub. I wasn't sure if you made it out alive. So glad you did so you can continue to entertain us all with your amusing writing. Keep us informed about the next diabolical thing Bev does.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Annie, thank you...I could say something funny but I'll remark instead about the love I have for this woman. I am one very lucky man!

    • Fennelseed profile image

      Annie Fenn 5 years ago from Australia

      You gotta watch us women, Bill, but be rest assured we only ever have our loved ones interests at heart!!! The fact that you feel on top of the world, health wise is testament to Bev's love and care and persistence!!

      Lovely, amusing reading and with an undertone of deep reciprocated love despite the scary effects of Niacin. My votes and best wishes to you and your lovely Bev, (she who knows best!!).

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mark, hopefully some good will come out of the experience! LOL Thank you buddy!

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 5 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      I'm safe I think because I am single and can't afford such things anyway:)

      Great article Bill, possibly it will alert others of the possible side effects of Niacin.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kelly, it is a small price to pay to make you happy. I do the same thing with salads; I'll eat them once a week and a big smile comes across Bev's face and I know I've done good. :) Thanks hon!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Oh well congrats because you have all educated me! I had no idea! Thank you all - I will be staying away from that stuff:) lol I do not need any more surprises!

      You just gotta love Bev, I mean so sweet of her to be doing all this stuff that really will extend your life doll:) I know you do appreciate that...and I just died laughing because I keep trying to convince Dave that he likes Salmon...he does and if he would just eat it once a week - I'd be happy!

      Up and all that!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cyndi, I have nobody to blame but myself....and looking back, Bev's reaction was priceless. Hey, anything for a cheap laugh, right? LOL Thanks lil' Sis!

    • Cyndi10 profile image

      Cynthia B Turner 5 years ago from Georgia

      Oh, this is great and to pair it with Roberta Flack's "Killing Me Softly" is priceless! Loved it and, my apologies, but I laughed at Bev's reaction, although not your blood boiling. Thanks for reminding us to listen when we're told there are side effects and to beware of spouses bearing unknown pills. Take care! Cyndi

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Julie, Bev got way too much enjoyment out of this. LOL I'm glad I'm still going strong too. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sue, I'm glad people are enjoying my brush with death. LOL...I do not recommend niacin to others....you can quote me on that. :) Thank you for sharing.

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Bill, I laughed and I know I shouldn't have but Bev's reaction to your itchy scratching made me smile - she played it all down of course, what a pro :o)...we're all glad you're still going strong!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Billy,

      It is hard to type while I am wiping away tears of laughter.

      I have never taken niacin but I know of the niacin flush that you experienced.

      Possible side effects of reading this hub. Giggles, which can lead to extreme fits of laughter. LMAO

      Wishing Bev and you a good day. :)

      Voted up across the board

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, thank you my friend! I have learned a valuable lesson for sure! LOL

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Most men including me are wary of our women wanting us to do things their way. Now I know why... Lol. Glad to see you alive, kicking and hubbing my friend.

      Thoroughly funny and enjoyable write Bill.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Katrine, I definitely learned a lesson; I'll have to check with Bev and see if she has. As soon as she stops laughing I'll ask her. LOL Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I'm so happy that you understand. Because I have always been in great health, and rarely show any signs of anything unnatural happening with my body, this came as a great shock to me. I had no idea what was happening and it briefly scared the hell out of me....whew! I admire you for your restraint with the doctor and assistant. I don't know about you but I ain't taking any more of that crap! LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Trinity, Bev may be the kindest person I have ever known in my life. You would like her for sure; it's impossible not to like her. Thank you my dear; come back soon and I'll visit you as well!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dabble, I have never been the picture of perfect lifestyles...and yet healthy as the proverbial horse. Go figure!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell, I'm glad we can both laugh now. Yes, vitamins for sure, other supplements go in the garbage. LOL

    • profile image

      KatrineDM 5 years ago

      Bill, it was all well-meant of course. Bev cares about you and wants the best for you. Sometimes things go wrong though. Too much of anything is not good. Glad to hear that you are well and still together, but hopefully you've both learnt a lesson. Take care.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      bill......you did not listen to Bev at all.....Niacin does not "lower" your bad cholesterol"....it RAISES your good cholestoral!! and that wonderful woman was doing a very good thing!

      So you "flush" a bit and feel like gasoline was poured on your body and then a match was thrown at you! Can't take a little DISCOMFORT for some higher HDL??? Awwww c'mon bill........be a big boy!! LMAO........My dastardly Dr. prescribed me a high dose of those Niacin babies and wasn't even as nice as Bev to tell me about the possible "side effects!!" I won't even get int it, but suffice it to say, because it was such high dose and I popped them so trustingly......was I shocked and horrfied when I had an immediate reaction!! It definitely does make you wonder if it is your last day on the planet. Nightmare!!

      I called the Dr's office and told his assistant.......I didn't care if the "niacinamide" would eventually transform me into Miss America........they were going down the toilet!!! She had the nerve to LAUGH at me.......and say, "Oh yes, they do have a tendency to do that."

      I so wanted to tell her that I have a tendency to want to come see the Dr. with a big chocolate cake I made him laced with harsh LAXATIVES!!!!!!!

      I don't happen to LOVE my Doc like you love Bev!! There'll be no forgiveness from me!!! LOL

    • Trinity M profile image

      Trinity M 5 years ago

      Having read about Bev for the 1st time I must admit I really, really like her. NO! NO! I don’t mean I approve of the “murder” plot, I mean I like her because she is making sure that my dear friend billybuc will be around many more years to come so that we may enjoy his humour, wisdom and joie de vivre, so I’ll forgive her her trespasses with the Niacin… but only this once. :) Thanks again for putting a shine on my day billybuc.

    • DabbleYou profile image

      DabbleYou 5 years ago

      Harhar!!! That was funny. I thought for a while there that she really did try to kill you. And the fact that you would rather let your arteries clog than your blood boil is not very healthy also. :P

      Really interesting hub. :D

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Oh you poor thing! lol! I may laugh now because I know you are fine, but that must have been horrible! so much for health tablets! I think I will stick to the usual occasional vitamin tablet and a run around the block! lol!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LOL Sha.....way too much information! LMAO!!!!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      Yeah, but you know what? You don't have to deal with the intermittant hot flashes. Couple that with the night sweats and be thankful you don't experience it first hand. Although, I'll tell ya, it'll put a definite damper on your sex life!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, you are killing me! First I get it from Bev, then Ruchira, and now you! I have no rest from the badgering I receive. LOL

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      So, now you know hot flashes suck. And they last for about 10 years! - off and on. Eat right my friend and you'll not need supplements. As to the take garlic tablets comment, same thing: there's nothing better than the real thing. Incorporate garlic into your foods. Tastes great and keeps the vampires away! Foods rich in niacin are oily fish, bran, paprika, peanuts, liver, veal, white meat chicken, sun dried tomatoes and (you ought to love this one) bacon!

      Herbs and spices added to whole foods will keep you from the dead!

      Let me know when you get tired of my telling you to change your diet. Teehee!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jlava, there is no doubt I learned a valuable lesson. LOL Thanks my friend!

    • Jlava73 profile image

      Jennifer Vasconcelos 5 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

      Glad to hear you are still here to tell the story LOL and, I think you both learned an important lesson.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      and I, you, Beverly!

    • kingmaxler profile image

      kingmaxler 5 years ago from Olympia, Washington USA

      Thank you for all the supportive comments. Bill is a handful. Seriously, we share so much laughter along with a smattering of angst. We keep each other going. The comments on Bill's hubs are almost as fun as reading his articles. Sorry Bill, I know this is supposed to be a comment on your hub and not your comments, but you know how much I adore you.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, of course I missed you. There are some people who, when I don't hear from them for a day or two, are significant in their absence...that's because they are important to me and not just nebulous Hubbers floating around in the netherworld. So yes my dear, I missed you. Give your mother a hug for me and be good to yourself this weekend.

    • profile image

      shiningirisheyes 5 years ago

      Billy - I hop you missed me!!! I missed you!!!

      I am relaxing trying to catch up on all the marvelous hubs I missed. I was a victim of the glitch hub was experiencing but I am so glad to be back. Especially since you always make me smile.

      Send my love to Bev! She is a saint!! LOL

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, she does handle me like a pro and I've never been happier in my life. Thank you my dear; I hope you are finding time to relax this weekend....somehow, some way!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MelChi, you Hubbers won't get rid of me that easily. It takes more than one pill to stop billybuc. :) Thank you as always and have a great weekend.

    • B Lucy profile image

      B Lucy 5 years ago from Podunk, Virginia

      Awesome hub. And "Killing Me Softly" was an awesome touch!!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy!!! I have no sympathy for you friend.....Bev tried to tell you and you used filtered hearing. Thats ok, I think it might be part of a male's make-up! I so enjoy the creative and humorous way you tell a story and this one did not disappoint! I love Bev and haven't even met her yet. She handles you like a pro and good for her!!!

      I look forward to reading more of the Billy and Bev show!!!

      Regards and hugs to you and Bev. XO

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      Melanie Chisnall 5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      Haha! Poor Bev, I'm sure she didn't realize that she'd be the focal point of a murder mystery story! Your title and words kept me hooked (and in giggles) until the end. Well done Bill - and glad to see that you're still alive and kicking with the rest of us! ;)

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruchira, then I've start smelling like a vampire hunter! LOL...thanks for the tip; I just might try it. Enjoy your weekend.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Gail, what was weird was the amount of time between when I first started taking it and the final reaction...like three weeks. I think it's safe to say I won't be taking that stuff any longer. :) Thank you my friend and have a great weekend.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ron, if the boys in blue contact me, I won't give you up. Count on me my friend!

      Great comment, every bit as funny as my hub was supposed to be. :) Thank you for the laugh!

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      Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

      haha...I liked the way you described the whole affair, Bill.

      It was no less than a fiction story :)

      sure, pls shelf niacin and try the natural ways to curb your cholestrol. Example try taking garlic tablets (naturopath)

      Well written and quite entertaining although, I feel bad for the experience you went through.

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      Gail Sobotkin 5 years ago from South Carolina

      Phew! Am glad you survived that viscious attempt on your life. My hubby's doctor made the same attempt and poor Fred suffered the same side effects you did, which was really scary because he has a history of heart attacks and this was just as bad as the heart attacks. Needless to say, he too, no longer takes niacin.

      Love the humorous way you wrote this story.

      Voted up across the board.

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      Ron Hawkster 5 years ago from United States of America

      Bill, my friend, you have been around... You know well if a woman really wanted to murder you we wouldn't be reading this story right now because dead men write no tale. So, she must not have tried to murder you. Perhaps she just wanted to put the fear of God in you.

      By the way, I did not write this and you did not see this. But if she reads this let me know so I change my name and go into witness protection right away.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, there is no way I'm getting my cholesterol checked. :) I don't want to give Bev fuel for the fire. Have a great weekend, Ruby, and thank you!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mhatter, glad I could be of service. :) Thanks my friend!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy, I'm laughing, because that's exactly what I thought....."sheez, is this what a hotflash feels like?" LOL Thanks friend and yes, we do love each other greatly.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Conservative, great comment. You had me laughing. Thanks for the visit and have a great weekend.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rolly, I'm trying.....if Bev will only let me live the way I want to. LOL Thanks buddy; sending warm wishes to Canada.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Spy, that's okay; I laughed too once I realized I wasn't going to die. :)

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cheers to you too, Cyndi, and have a great weekend!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deborah, judging from the comments, my reaction wasn't abnormal. Who would have guessed, huh? LOL Thank you for visiting again.

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      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Hee, This is so funny. The first time i took niacin i had the same experience, never took it again. I'm happy to report that my cholesterol is below 150. To my way of thinking, Bev was only trying to make you healthy,Fun article...

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for sharing! This report and comments has shown me I am not alone.

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      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      This is so funny! At least you now know what hotflashes feel like. You should thank Bev for a new appreciation. :) Well written and the love shines through it. I bet you two are an awesome couple. Fabulous story!

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      Sheila 5 years ago from Surprise Arizona - formerly resided in Washington State

      I love this story Bill! Reminds me of when I was 15 and my mother thought I had poor circulation so she gave me some of her Niacin - I came home from school certain that my mother had bought life insurance on me.... and I thought I was her favorite hmmm.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Bill and Bev... you are an inspiration to many... keep up living right and doing right.

      Hugs from Canada

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      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      hahahahaha!!! i cannot imagine Bev's laugh after you told her.hee (sorry...i laughed too hehehe).

      all my votes Bill!

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      Cynthia Sageleaf 5 years ago from Western NC

      Hmmm...niacin, eh? Yep, good, Bill. HAHAHAHAHAHA. You're funny - that's funny. I can just imagine Bev's face and the whole scenario. Hehe. Another fabulous billybuc hub. Cheers!

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      Deborah Neyens 5 years ago from Iowa

      That's a very entertaining story, my friend. I'm glad Bev's diabolical plot did not succeed. But, really, that's a side effect of niacin? I've never heard that before. Yikes.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I would expect nothing less, Sha! :)

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      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      Oh, Billy I love you so. You just made me laugh out loud all by my lonesome! I'll never stop chiding you about your diet of preference, you know that, right?

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jenn....LOL...I think I'm going to enjoy following you. That was great! Thanks for stopping by and for the follow!