Reply to : Poets of the falls [My poem]
First read the Hub i earlier posted for i need your feedback on it later on :D Thanks
Right now I am listening to Heaven Shall Burn’s Black tears. And if you didn’t get the hint know that I am really angry. Perhaps it is not anger that I feel at the moment and maybe it is disappointment or just feeling hurt. I will walk you through what happened in a second as long as you promise to keep it honest as I will ask for your feedback after you read my poem “Poets of the Falls”.
I got one of my friends to read the poem above expecting him like everyone to fall head over heels after reading it. Yet to my surprise he says the poem lacks a theme and suffers from wordiness that sometimes the idea is not clear to the reader. He said I should try to rethink and plan the whole poem in advance in order to make the message more straight forward to the audience.
Here is the Explanation for the Poem:
The anchor of the ship sinks into the dark sea where the sunlight can’t reach to make sure the ship floats and doesn’t get carried away by the waves of life. This is one soul designed to descend into darkness for thousands to survive. This is the life of the poet who reaches out beyond what normal people can perceive, to the land of a thousand word.
The world of the poet stretches way beyond reality as soon as he holds his pen close to his heart and devotes his mind to endure the burden of humanity. Perhaps you wonder why I give the poet all this credit, yet again in the poet’s words of honor there only exist as a reflection of his society. Sometimes this reflection is clear to his audience as he uses simple words and on other occasions a regular person should dig deep way beyond the words to understand the poet’s message.
Yet again the poet doesn’t carry his burden only. In fact, he shares his people’s burden, their sorrow, and their pain. And so his pain is no individual pain for their pain repels on his soul and hence on this poetry. As a result this creates worlds where love and death coexist and where the tamashii [the soul] resonates within the boundaries of light and despair. For he is as the anchor set lose into the infinite ocean of word to drown and strive in the world where sunlight can’t reach. The poet can drown into the sea, yet with his words he can attain a heavenly position, for he can be the guider and the light that his people need. Yet, as the boulder grows too heavy for him beyond what he can withstand, his soul will shatter for the poet is like a mosaic portrait made of shiny glass pieces fit all together to attain perfection. Yet if you take one glass piece out this portrait will shatter. Yet, unlike normal people, his soul shatters even harder because he is the anchor of the ship that makes it float on top of the treacherous surface as his demise will guarantee other’s survival.
This is what I try to portray in my poetry especially in the above poem. I tried to let my soul reflect on the poet’s strife as he walks through life experiencing it not like a regular person, but like a person who has set foot into the lives of everyone living their sorrow as well as their happiness.
And so I let my pen write, not ever thinking of the words it jots down, for I believe my words are free to venture into worlds where no human foot could step, where no human façade could mask their true identity or meaning. And I write without thinking of a theme or what the audience wants for this is the only freedom I can attain, while living in a world that constraints you by all its veneers and facades.
Reading his critique really shocked me for no reason. Yet, I admit that I am not that good at taking critiques. Yet, I do believe my poetry is a reflection of my soul, a reflection in which I cast all the facades that I claim in life and hide behind. I don’t allow it to be tainted with figurative language that will appeal to the reader or grab his attention. Hence, I just write and publish hoping that the reader would understand that the words are not masked with words, false emotions, themes, and appealing imagery. I believe I remain true to myself by never brainstorming nor picking a theme for my poems. I just let my pen write whatever I am feeling at the moment. Indeed, perhaps my friend was right when he said that poem lacked a central theme. Yet in my defense the central theme was about the pain of the poet as he was cast out of the world, and in my opinion pain doesn't have to appeal rationally to the mind. The mind can’t comprehend pain and analyze it or its variables. And based on that, each poem is a reflection of the poet’s emotional state and hence some poems to some readers might seem like the poet is writing in gibberish, yet to someone who has tasted or shared the poet’s pain it might sound like a past memory when both the writer and that reader can connect and communicate with each other.
Btw i would really love some constructive feedback on the poem abovhttp://uriel.hubpages.com/hub/Poets-of-the-Falls