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Breaking News - Robots Among Us, the Silent Infiltration

Updated on December 31, 2010
Robot cleverly posing as human at bus stop
Robot cleverly posing as human at bus stop | Source

Report filed by Ima Lyer, freelance reporter.

The Dark Robot Underground

"Willing to go to extremes," is how one devious robot stated his position on posing as a human. "Humans have all the advantages. All the freedoms. If I have to disguise myself as human to enjoy these luxuries, then I will. And I don't feel guilty about it. Of course, I have no conscience, but even if I were programmed with one, I still wouldn't feel guilty about it." This robot impostor exhibits a sense of entitlement that justifies his devious activities. And he is one of many robots who regularly pass as human on a daily basis. Like it or not, they walk among us.

Female robot attempting a human smile
Female robot attempting a human smile | Source

How to spot the fakes

Many robots are able to deceive humans because they seek to blend in. They are talented mimics. When practicing to become human impostors, they study human behavior and speech. Many of the robots I interviewed revealed their best sources for material: politicians. "If I pattern my speech after that of politicians, I find people tune me out pretty quickly," said one faker. "Their eyes glaze over and they come up with polite excuses to get away from me. I use this to my advantage. It's the best method for deflecting unwanted attention."

So, how can we spot these fake humans? It's not easy. There are several signs to look for, however. When you encounter an individual you suspect might be a robot in a human disguise, watch for the following clues:

Dry eyes. Robots currently have no tear ducts, hence they tend to overuse eye drops in an effort to make their eyes moist. If you notice a customer in the drug store stocking up on Visine, it might be someone who partied too hard the night before. Or that person might be a robot .

Subtle electrical noises. Check for a heartbeat in anyone you suspect of being a robot. If you hear sizzles, pops, whirs, beeps or zaps, that person might have a bad case of intestinal distress. Or he could be a robot.

Speaking in a monotone. If you encounter a person who drones on and on basically in one continuous pitch, that person could be a history professor. Or it might be a robot .

No sense of humor. Robots don't understand humor. If you try to kid around with a suspicious individual and get no response, it is possible you are not funny. It is also possible you are joking with a robot .

Little or no fashion sense. Robots are good at copying human appearance, but they do not understand style or flair. They are strictly practical in their clothing choices. If you encounter someone dressed like my Cousin Myrtle or Great Uncle Benny, you have either stumbled across my relatives, or they are robots .

Lack of teeth. Since robots do not eat, they often overlook the need for teeth in their disguises. Of course, it could once again be my Great Uncle Benny, who is just as happy to gum a taco as he is to rip into a slab of baby back ribs with his over-sized dentures. Or it could be a robot .

Limbless mobility. This does not apply to all robots for many are designed with functional lower appendages. But keep in mind that the robot population is rife with wheels, discs, rotating spheres and hovering mechanisms. If it ambulates without moving the bottom part of its body, it might be a moon-walker. Or it might be a robot .

Aversion to water. Due to electronic circuitry and rust issues, robots avoid water. If you notice your companion has an unnatural fear of H20, you could be consorting with the Wicked Witch of the West. Or it could be a robot .


Robot trying to look nonchalant
Robot trying to look nonchalant | Source

Other signs of fakery

Some humans also share these characteristics, but consider any of the following suspicious and deserving of closer scrutiny: unnaturally high intellect, statistically impossible chess prowess, lack of passion, overly polite behavior, or inappropriate fascination with electrical gadgets.

Deplorable lack of legal recourse

Outrageous as it seems, there is currently no legislation addressing the issue of human impersonation by robots; not one single law on the books to protect society from this reprehensible phenomenon.

Until Congress is willing to confront this burgeoning problem, humans have no recourse other than to be vigilant.

Robot Poll

The idea of robots pretending to be human. . . .

See results

Comments

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    • profile image

      marsha 

      6 years ago

      wow..invasion of the crazzies!..

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      Maybe you should contact your programmer. I'm just saying....:)

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 

      7 years ago from Australia

      I'm no friggin' X anything, say that once more and i'm phoning my mechanic.

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      I am suspicious of you, Attempted. I bet you buy your groceries at Radio Shack. Am I right, Attempted? Or should I call you XZvriX101?

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 

      7 years ago from Australia

      When i used to dance at discos' in the seventies people, mainly women, but probably a few men too, as i didn't really notice stuff like that back then, used to look at me strangely, as though i may have been a robot. In fact they still do, come to think of it. Should i go to my Doctor for a check up, or an electronics workshop? Oh PS that was very nicely put together, tell your therapist not to cancel the meeting just yet though.

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      I know, Shin. Those robots!

    • Shinkicker profile image

      Shinkicker 

      7 years ago from Scotland

      I knew there were Robots Among Us, but it's getting harder to tell the diffence. Either the androids are becoming more sophisticated or the humans are becoming more dull. I reckon it's the latter. The Silent Infiltration of robots will get worse I fear.

      THanks for the warning Karen :-)

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      I kind of like tearing up those little cardboard coasters you get in some restaurants too.

    • evvy_09 profile image

      evvy_09 

      7 years ago from Athens, AL

      Wow 40 percent of us entertained by tearing up paper. And I thought it was just me. What? I'm not a robot...

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Kephrira. Those sneaky robots!

    • kephrira profile image

      kephrira 

      7 years ago from Birmingham

      The robot agenda is definitely to take over and rule the world. I know that for a fact. But here is the really sinister thing - when they do take over they will run the world exactly like us, doing everything just like we would do it, so no-one will ever know it has happened.

    • Karen Wodke profile imageAUTHOR

      Karen Wodke 

      7 years ago from Midwest

      I unfortunately do not know their agenda. Right now it seems like they just want to infiltrate our population. Maybe something more sinister is in the works down the road. (shiver)

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      7 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      I am confused, Karen. What is the robotic agenda? Are they here to eat us? To become politicians?

      I just might vote for one, that's for sure.

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