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STICKS 'N STONES
By: Wayne Brown
Well, it was bound to happen and I knew that it would. It was simply a matter of time once the ball got rolling along fast enough in one direction. Once I started writing regularly and posting my work, I knew that at some point and time that I would achieve a level of widespread popularity which might expose me to a media blitz of claims and accusations such as those you see on the magazine racks in the grocery stores talking about what Brad did to Angelina and why Jennifer Anniston just cannot find a husband. I knew all that was a possibility but I put it out of my mind and kept on writing anyway. Then, suddenly it started; there it was in print…the day had finally arrived.
Let me digress a moment to say that exposing one’s writing talent does not come with a lot of the benefits of stardom that might be experienced by say an Oscar-winning actress or by a rock band suddenly thrust into performing for audiences which fill large venues. For the writer, there is no opportunity to trash our hotel rooms holding parties which go on for days and days. We rarely go anywhere except for the journeys in our minds. There are no panties tossed up on the stage to us as we read a bit of poetry or a closing paragraph from a sad story. No silk panties are thrown our way when the reading stops. So, by pursuing the writer’s dream, we give up a lot of things that, well, yes they matter. But that is the way it is in the writing game…no trashed hotel rooms and no silk panties.
I said all of that to say that should those things come to the writer in his/her fame, it might be a little easier to swallow when the media begins to find its way to your career. Then, at the very least I could say, well I’m not proud of that but still women threw panties on the stage at my last performance so things cannot be so terribly bad…not really!
Let’s just get to the point here. One of my many fans, who shall remain nameless as I cannot allow her to be attacked by some mass frenzy looking for retribution once this information is on the street, made the comment that my banter with other fans commenting on my articles was starting to approach the actions of ….well, she said that if I were female that I would be labeled a “brazen hussy”. Now, don’t that just fold your seat?
Honestly, I did not want to be too quick to take that as a compliment and inquire as to whether or not a silk pair of panties might come with it. I held back on that point until I could find my trusty dictionary and see what it was that I had been called. I first looked for the word “brazen” and found it to mean: “made of brass” or “sounding harsh and loud like brass being struck” and “marked by contemptuous boldness”. That didn’t help much other than I can remember a few times when I was told that I had a set of brass balls or that I had crap for brains…those were the only things that came to mind. So anyway, I put that word aside and began working on the other hoping that the two definitions in conjunction with each other might give my naïve little brain a kick start.
According to Merriam-Webster, a “hussy” is a “lewd woman” or a “saucy, mischievous girl.” Older definitions describe a “woman who lives on her own without a man” which apparently was frowned upon in days of old and insinuated that the woman was fast and loose even if she was not. Now, I was starting to get the picture. If I put the two definitions together, calling me a “brazen hussy” was the equivalent of labeling me as contemptuous, saucy, mischievous, and lewd and possibly even running the gambit to insinuate that I might be both “fast” and “loose”. I like it! Check this out!
Having come to understand this new label that has been assigned to me, many questions are now popping into my head as to what the relative nature of the label might be. You see, if someone else should assign a new label to me then I would want to have a good picture of whether I was going up and down the scale. Let me give you an example, given the fact that I have already achieved the status of “brazen hussy,” what am I to conclude if someone else comes along and refers to me as a “slut”…is that up the scale or down? How about “bitch”…is that up the scale or down?
I mean, you see my dilemma, right? I don’t want to rush forth and go “Oh thank you!” thinking that my position has been raised as this new label is assigned only to later end up with crap on my face when I find that indeed a “slut” is at least four to five clicks down the ladder from a “hussy”, especially a “brazen hussy” like I have been labeled. This would indeed be an absolute social fox paw should I so stupidly make assumptions without knowing the real truth.
Obviously, I will have to consult with some women on this matter to find the true relative nature of these labels. They have a secret file they keep somewhere that shows the pecking order of all these labels which they use. Guys don’t have such a list because we just normally call everyone an “A-Hole!” and get done with it. It saves keeping all those names filed under those various labels. That way, when you see the guy again, you can accurately say… “There he goes, that A-Hole!” I am sure the women will get me straight on this and soon I will have a good knowledge of the relative relationship between these labels.
Now, let’s get back to an earlier point of mine. Since I have been labeled in the media as such, does that mean that women will start throwing panties up on the stage at my appearances? Well, maybe they would if I made any appearances but since I don’t will that be something that I will be missing and by all rights should be experiencing as I gain fame for my writing skills? I really need to know because I could be potentially committing another social fox paw by ignoring the fact that I am suppose to be following this logic…and to tell you the truth, it does sound like fun!
Oh, I know what you are thinking now! I can see it in your eyes and its written all over your face. You’re thinking that I am just another “shameless hussy” who is only interested in getting silk panties through the mail…that’s what you’re thinking. Well, to tell the whole truth the thought had crossed my mind. After all, I don’t have a hotel room to trash with all my partying friends and no one has scheduled any personal appearances for me to my knowledge. Honestly, this fame stuff is not really at all what I thought it would be. It’s kind of ordinary.
I just wanted to share this with my readers knowing full well that many of you are aspiring writers as well. If we must travel this road, I would rather take the lead and find out what must be done. Then, as I am doing now, I will pass that information on to you so that you do not have to live the hardships that I have seen in my climb to the top. When you are labeled as a “brazen hussy”, you will know just how to act and what to say afterward. And, you’ll also know whether to expect silk panties to come in the mail. I promise.
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