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Satire Solution

Updated on October 25, 2017

This is a creative writing letter piece I wrote some years back, when I was in high school, as a channel for many frustrations during a time when I fully begun to realize and encounter many forms of prejudices and stereotypes of the world. And yes, it is found in many forms, fashions, faces, places, corners, nooks and races. This letter is an invitation into the ridiculous, close-minded, and short-sighted. It is a far awaited wake-up call to all of the ones who are constantly seeking perfection through illusions of inferiority.


Dear Mr. or Mrs. Perfect:

I am writing to you because I want to make you an offer that I believe could really relieve a major problem in your life. A flawless person as you should already know what that problem is. Yes, you know, I’m talking about ugly people. Those low down disgusting creatures that chose to be born without your face and wonderful personality. Don’t they just piss you off with their various colors, shapes and sizes? And to top it off, some of them have the nerve to come out the house without name brand apparel. Don’t they know your eyes are allergic to that?

But anyway, I found that it would be most appropriate if they just didn’t exist anymore. So, I decided to get five of my best-trained men to assassinate them for you. Oh, and I know you’ll love this! We will even throw in two bonus packages for the people you have encountered who like to stand out and be different from the rest of the crowd. I like to call these two specials, “The Outcast Whoop His A**” and “The Rebel Gets Beat with a Shovel”. These will be included absolutely free of charge, and of course, we kill them afterwards as well.

So, if you are interested, and I know you will be, you can contact me here, and I’ll be happy to speak with you. And get this, if you’re not satisfied with the way I look or behave, I’ll even take out my nine and shoot myself. So please consider, and if this just won’t work, might I suggest that we move you to your own little bio-dome free from all those hideous people? That way, I believe you will be doing others a favor as well as yourself. We can even throw in your very own clones, just in case you get lonely. You will experience first hand of how it feels to be in a world full of people who walk, talk, dress and think like you… your own perfect world. And even after this, if you’re still not satisfied, you will get your money back, not in cash, but in a reality check.


Sarcasm AtIts. Best

© 2011 Latasha Woods


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    • Latasha Woods profile image

      Latasha Woods 6 years ago from USA

      Thanks Feenix. When I wrote this I definitely meant it in relation to everyone. We are all different, yet all the same, and therefore should be accepted and respected. This begins with acceptance of self as well as others because diversity compliments our world. Thank you for your wonderful feedback!!

    • feenix profile image

      feenix 6 years ago

      Wow, Latasha, you don't say no hip hop. You're straight up and tell it like it is.

      This letter shows that you have a different approach from mine when it comes to dealing with bias and bigotry, but I can clearly see that you and I are on the same side.