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Witty Words of our Grandfathers - Things you just don't hear anymore

Updated on March 8, 2013

Over the years I have heard some strange sayings; things that make you stop and go "Huh?". Also some that are simply not in vogue anymore, or perhaps the world has become too "Politically Correct" for them; but I thought they sure were funny. Here are a few of them for your enjoyment. Let me know if you have any; I'd like to bring some of these back in style. Hell, they sure can't hurt the English language anymore than it is now., You know, those texting things like LOL, ROFL, TTFN, LMAO, and BTW. Anyhow, here ya go.

It's rainin' like a cow peein' on a flat rock.

I'll whip you like a red headed stepchild.

If the good Lord's willin' an' the creek don't rise.

Damn straight!

Ugly as home made sin.

You couldn't carry a tune if you folded it up and put it in your pocket.

He's dumber than a box of rocks.

Old as Moses toes and twice as corny.

That's about as funny as a submarine with a screen door.

If brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.

I'll bet he even sleeps slow.

Slick as greased owl puckey.

Slicker'n snot on a brass doorknob.

They don't have a pot to pee in, or a window to throw it out of.

Bless your heart. (This is not neccesarily a good thing to have said about you.)

Champagne taste on a beer budget (Again, not neccesarily true anymore. Some beer costs as much as cheap champagne.)

Want in one hand, poop in the other and see which one fills up first. (Still in use although the youth of today don't understand its meaning)

Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Snug as a bug in a rug.

Colder than a well digger's hole.

Dark as sin at midnight.

She looks like she tried to kiss a Mack truck.

He looks like the North bound end of a South bound mule.

Youth is wasted on the young.

You'd complain if you were hung with a new rope.

Finer'n frog's hair split four ways.

It's better to stay quiet and let everyone think you're an idiot than open your mouth and confirm it.

Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while.

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    • profile image

      Luke 8 months ago

      "Nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs" and "laziest boy the good lord seen fit to string a gut through" are a couple of my dads fav's

    • profile image

      young 3 years ago

      My favorite the only thing that is impossible is threading a log through a gnats ass

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      I remember the Carter's pills one! I liked the other ones too. Thank for supplying these and for the comment.

    • Marie Flint profile image

      Marie Flint 4 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida USA

      The only two I recognized were: "They[I] don't have a pot to pee in, or a window to throw it out of" and "Snug as a bug in a rug."

      My paternal grandfather died when I was four, and I had no relationship with my maternal grandfather. Furthermore, my father, a physical man, said very little. One saying I remember, though, was "[You're] slower than molasses in January."

      My mother, who favored the male sex over that of the female, awarded us a much greater heritage of homespun quips:

      She's a pain where a pill can't reach!/She's nuttier than a fruitcake!/She's got more [whatever the subject of discussion] than Carter's got pills!

      Then there were the sayings from my grandmother's Slavic language, which I studied briefly as a hobby in high school:

      Abe-tah hoose kopla! (May the goose kick you!)

      Abe-tah kohn kopla! (May the horse kick you!)

      Ya-som hudobna ako kostonal mish! (I'm as poor as a church mouse.)

      The first two are equivalent to the actor's expression of "break a leg." (Wishing good luck. Of course, tone of voice can make such sayings mean the opposite.)

      Language is a delight and is always changing. Thank you for sharing these very colorful expressions.

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      I also like Damn Skippy!

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      I do too, WIll. My kids just look at me in confusion. Take care!

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 4 years ago

      Damn straight WillStarr.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I'm like Old Poolman...I still say that 'its colder than a well digger's butt'!

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      Tell me some of the ones you know that aren't here if you don't mind. I always like to learn new sayings. Thanks for stopping by Becky.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      I live in TN. These are still in common usage here. I learned a few new ones when we moved here. Some of them were used by my parents and their relatives. They still trip my funny bone though.

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      Love it barbat! And as true today as it was back then!

      Well poolman, I still use these too, so I guess we're in the same boat. When I learn some new ones I'll pass them on.

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 4 years ago

      Gosh, I still use some of these so I guess that tells you how old I am. How about writing a hub with the most current expressions that replaced these old one's? I need to get updated.

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      barbat79 4 years ago

      My favorite arose out of the great deppression: It could mean needing to be frugal, or that one is cheap!

      "He rubs the nickel so hard the buffaloe comes out to the other side!"

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      I've never heard a spit and a holler down the road but I love it! Are you sure you're from up North? That sure sounds Southern to me! Thanks Bill. Just had to be silly today. Have a great one my friend!

    • Mr Archer profile image
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      Mr Archer 4 years ago from Missouri

      I always liked Damn Straight myself, midget38. You just don't hear things like this anymore, do you? Thanks for stopping by!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Colder than a well-diggers hole? That's not how I learned that one. LOL

      Good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise is one of my favorites, as is "a spit and a holler down the road."

      Great list here Mike!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      My favorites here are "youth is wasted on the young " & "damned straight." Very familiar, though not often used anymore. Nice share!