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I Don't Fear Failure
I do not fear failure, death, or heartbreak.
I fear the person I became to deal with it all. The heartless, emotionless being that is indifferent to anything and everything.
I fear the need for it to come out and see the world; the desire for it to conquer and plague my thoughts.
I have buried it deep in the caverns of my mind, desperately trying to mitigate its actions and influence.
I welcome death compared to the numbness it brings.
I fear the possibility of its return with any drink, darkness or moment of sorrow.
I fear the likelihood of it never going away forever lurking in the depths of my soul; making my mind and body ache.
I do not fear loss. I fear the possibility of losing myself in the midnight thoughts. I fear never feeling alive.
I fear that I may again find more comfort in slipping away than waking up.
I do not fear much; only what myself is capable of in the worst of times.
I fear that the need to suppress and forget will ultimately conquer my ability and desire to ever feel alive.
© 2017 Elise Reed