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I Don't Fear Failure

Updated on February 27, 2017

I do not fear failure, death, or heartbreak.

I fear the person I became to deal with it all. The heartless, emotionless being that is indifferent to anything and everything.

I fear the need for it to come out and see the world; the desire for it to conquer and plague my thoughts.

I have buried it deep in the caverns of my mind, desperately trying to mitigate its actions and influence.

I welcome death compared to the numbness it brings.

I fear the possibility of its return with any drink, darkness or moment of sorrow.

I fear the likelihood of it never going away forever lurking in the depths of my soul; making my mind and body ache.

I do not fear loss. I fear the possibility of losing myself in the midnight thoughts. I fear never feeling alive.

I fear that I may again find more comfort in slipping away than waking up.

I do not fear much; only what myself is capable of in the worst of times.

I fear that the need to suppress and forget will ultimately conquer my ability and desire to ever feel alive.

© 2017 Elise Reed

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    • Namelessintheeast profile image

      Nameless in the east 

      11 months ago from USA

      In other words, as you say, "I learned a lot".

      Good night Elise

    • Namelessintheeast profile image

      Nameless in the east 

      11 months ago from USA

      Elise, this piece "Jordan Peterson: Handling Your Darkest Feelings about Existence Itself" (youtube) might speak to some of the points your raise here about dark and self-knowledge.

      Take care

    • profile image

      No name 

      17 months ago

      Take care Elise.

    • Elise Reed profile imageAUTHOR

      Elise Reed 

      17 months ago

      it's about my past, I was hurting, I grew a lot in the process. I'm all good now, thank you for your consideration.

    • profile image

      No name 

      17 months ago

      Elise, I read this again .... and your other posts ....

      Perhaps these are about something in your past or maybe these are just therapeutic.

      But I find myself wondering why someone would be hurting this much.

      "Are you OK?" I really hope so ....

      Very respectfully, No name

      P.S. If I have wronged, please forgive my impertinence.

    • profile image

      No name 

      17 months ago

      This is bitter-sweet ….

      Sometimes we experience events or act in ways which force us to become

      tougher. But, at what cost? Many medicines are poisonous in anything

      by the smallest quantities.

      To experience the feeling of the medicine doing its work on our body,

      mind and soul. Then to feel the fever break, a different person now.

      We have to live with it. What we've done, what we've become. The

      pride next to the sorrow. The accomplishment next to the loss.

      These are interesting issues you are talking about in your writings.

      Are we no-longer known to ourselves? Would we approve? You seem to understand the

      personal cost of strength and perseverance. Has this made you a

      better person? How have these things changed your vision of yourself?

      External loss and failures are nothing compared to failing ourselves. Worse, failing someone dear to us.

      If you think these questions are relevant, perhaps you could explore

      these thoughts?

      Your other writings seems to focus on regret and loss. You are

      right, nothing is forever, but the converse is often true too, for

      every goodbye, there are lessons and, perhaps a second chance. If a

      second chance presents itself, to right a wrong, to retrieve something

      lost, to forgive ourselves and someone else, we must make ourselves

      stronger and better, keep an open heart and mind. Most of our worst

      mistakes, the ones we regret the most, arise out of our own weakness. As a soldier, you must understand how

      true that is. Stay strong and get stronger. The stronger you are,

      the deeper you can afford to feel while “staying sober”.

      You writings are well written, focused and to the point. I look forward to

      reading more of your thoughts in the near future.

      I wish you a very peaceful and reflective day.

      Yours sincerely, No name

      P.S. Wanted to write a longer comment earlier but had to get to work. Cheers!

    • Elise Reed profile imageAUTHOR

      Elise Reed 

      17 months ago

      Thank you!

    • profile image

      No name 

      17 months ago

      Keep writing ..... You are good!

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