The reasons, among other things, are amiss. An all too familiar feeling comes back another time to haunt the very life I don't want to, but have no choice but to live. I fall down and fall into this place that is myself and everyone sees. Even when they aren't saying anything they are talking to me. But one takes the dive to help. "Pointless," is all I can bring myself to say. Along with an apology I continue falling deeper. saddness is a feeling connected in some way to me. It seems to create and image that isn't real but because it's so much more comforting to believe it's lie, one is led to believe it's something other than sadness causing such a mask...forgetting and refusing to see the truth, you look away. Which is fine, because the truth is hard to hear...it;s even harder to see. When all is dark and everyone is in bed, I cry. New scars cover the old ones and they grow deeper everyday. I don't want you to look and accidently see these horrible cuts so why let you try and peek. Believe something else is happeneing please and look away to something much easier to swallow...I must be lying...I must be sneaky...it can't be that I have tried to feel relief in ways unacceptable and therefore am having to hide. I dont want my clothes off...I dont want you to see what I have done...believe the lies...believe I am something else no matter how wrong...you need not come down here...you need not see me like this.....I dont need you...I hate that you are the same as everyone....I dont need help for you see, I am helping myself and soon, the pain will be nothing more than a faint cry coming from the inside.