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Self Destruction: Introspection

Updated on October 24, 2011

You’re so self destructive for such a pretty little thing.
She whispered in my ear as she sauntered around my head, her rancid breath tickling its way across the tips of my ears.
There’s so much hatred inside you for someone so young.
She continued, lightly running her finger along the top of my shoulders.
Too much pain inside you for such a docile girl.
She finished, finally clamping her hands on the two ends of the top of the chair that she had bound me in.
My restraints drew blood and marked me with bruises from when I had struggled.
Now, however, I just sat there, staring hard at the wall across from me.
Not seeing anything.
Bound and gagged I can’t even scream. I can’t even remove the tension inside me.
My stomach is clenched so tight I fear it will never relax and unwanted tears stream silently down my face.
She is the picture of my insanity.
Frail and cowardly, never showing her face.
Always staying just far enough out of the light so that I cannot see her.
Always staying just far enough out of my reach so that I cannot catch her.
Haunting me day and night she never forgets so neither do I.
The memories leave a different kind of mark on me.
Something that people on the outside can never truly see.
Only I realize that they’re getting bigger.
They’re multiplying as she gets darker.
She was once only a presence.
She was once only an outline.
She was once solely transparent.
She was once solely a ghost.
She was once just a speck.
She was once just a sphere.
She was once just an oval.
She was once just a doll.
She was once immobile.
She was once sluggish in her steps.
She was once weak and couldn’t do any harm.
She was once.
With every memory she forms more.
But she never lets me get a good glance at her.
She remains in my peripheral vision.
I’m always fearing and never seeing.
She circles around me.
My eyes stay straight ahead.
I’m staring at the wall.
She leans closer than before.
She places her hands on my shoulders.
She turns my face towards hers.
I see her now.
She opens her mouth in a jagged smile.
The words that come out are barely a breath.
Now you finally see.
Her face is mine.
Insanity has taken over.


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