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When I was only Ten

Updated on February 25, 2013

Voices Ignored

Source

The Seduction

Deviant - Dark - Divided

My very best friend

You're with me in the morning

Beside me in the end

 

Indecisive Direction

Seduce me now and then

Distort my dreams, derail my schemes

When I was only ten

 

Selfish man afflicted

You sealed my fate within

Repeatedly subjected, again and time again

When I was only ten

 

I loved you with such hatred

No one saw where you have been

You think you're smart, you stole my heart

When I was only ten

 

Cultivate your reign

Persuasion - power - pain

Like a flower in the garden

Cut down before it's strong

 

My head is bowed and sullen

Blame me not for knowing wrong

When I was only ten

When I was only ten

Child Abuse Prevention

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    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      6 years ago from California

      Thanks sonia! You are too kind! So hard to be a kid sometimes, then it takes a lifetime to figure out that some things are simply beyond your control?! I appreciate your supportive words, they are very special to me!

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      6 years ago from California

      Greetings PDX! I am well my poetic friend, been a bit busy lately but can't stay from HP for too long...I miss my talented friends! Thanks for the visit!

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 

      6 years ago from india

      I am deeply moved by your hub which must have been difficult to write. Facing the odds entailing much pain so early in life and coming out with it means tons of courage which you have in plenty! I really feel that you are a strong person ready to face any challenge. I really like that fighting back spirit and not crumbling to the circumstances before putting up a brave fight.

      wonderfully written evoking strong emotions. voted up!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      thanks Kath, I am. How are you and yours?

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      6 years ago from California

      Quite a compliment from you PDX, I appreciate your feedback and hope you are well!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      really enjoyed this chatkath. fabulous work

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      6 years ago from California

      The true satisfaction in writing is how it allows one to work through different "things" in life and I am so fortunate to have such caring - honest and supportive followers. I am honored to have a follower that took the time to leave such a heartfelt comment! Thank you.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      6 years ago from New York

      Writing can be freeing but reading can as well. How strong this poem is and how brave and wonderful of you to share these feelings. This shows not just your talent but your mettle; you're a strong lady now! I am honored to be a follower! Voted all buttons all the way across, except of course funny.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      6 years ago from California

      Thanks PDXKaraokeGuy, I am so glad that you stopped in! I can't wait to check out your hubs!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      very good work! "I lived you with such hatred." What images this evokes! Voted up!

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Kitty, I was very hesitant to even publish this and it did cause a bit of friction with a select few, but that's the thing about writing for me, it is very therapeutic but only if it comes from within, the good & bad. I am glad you had a chance to read - and I appreciate your comments!

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Kitty Fields 

      7 years ago from Summerland

      Wow, Chatkath. You are so brave! This was truly sad, yet inspirational to me. You are truly a survivor and a strong, beautiful woman. I don't have much more to say other than that! Voted up and beautiful.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Kathy, my Lucky Cats friend, thank you so much for your visit and your heartfelt comments! You are such an amazing and genuine support to me. Writing can be quite healing and although many do not understand why anyone would want to revisit dark memories, all of those events, good and bad, make us who we are today.

      The cats are not the only lucky ones Kathy, you are a very special soul and I am fortunate to have met you!

    • Lucky Cats profile image

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

      Kath..boy oh boy..what a tragedy. And you have put your experience into words which are so beautifully written. So that we can see and feel the hurt, pain and anger you felt then. Writing about it must be a great catharsis...I have always felt that way. So sorry that you were subjected to this; so glad that you are strong enough to disarm it through extremely well written verse. As with animals and heart, Kathy, you are a wonderful person! Glad we are friends. And you have many here on this very supportive site. Awesome and Beautiful for the strength it took to put it into words, my friend.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Good point d., it just wasn't talked about "back then" things are so different now! I am so glad you had a chance to come by, thank you for your comments!

    • d.william profile image

      d.william 

      7 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      dark, sad, and poignant poem. No child should have to go through such things. Good job in putting the experience into words. Such a huge burden a child should never have to bear alone.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 

      7 years ago from Idyllwild Ca.

      Kathi, dear one ~ Reading your poem, so well put, touched me deeply. What strength! What courage! By publishing your poem you are a beacon of light for un-countless others. It is time to come out of that deep dark, hidden cave of blame and free (as Katie so beautifully put), that innocent, precious 10 yr old. She is always there with you. She is a brilliant diamond - let her sparkle and shine. She loves you so ~ vocalcoach

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you TCM Specialist! I appreciate your comments and support!

    • TCM Specialist profile image

      TCM Specialist 

      7 years ago from Glassboro, New Jersey

      I love when I hear others heal from devistating trauma. Grateful for your exsistence and desire to help others. Thumbs up!

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thanks Faybe Bay- I am glad that you had a chance to read, especially since you went through so much yourself and moved forward!

    • Faybe Bay profile image

      Faye Constantino 

      7 years ago from Florida

      A beautiful and heart wrenching poem. So proud of you for putting your feelings into words. I love this one, because I know how it feels. You have put into words the feelings many of us have no words to express.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Katie, I absolutely love that word myself-Freedom! I guess it takes some us a little longer to realize that we really can maintain control over our own lives. My focus, as you so approriately put it, must be on my own survival for the ultimate freedom!

      Kathy

    • katiem2 profile image

      katiem2 

      7 years ago from I'm outta here

      Freedom is such a beautiful word is it not? I love the word freedom and often in life I focused only on just that as being in a controlling situation by a bad and or evil person the focus must always stay on what we want, FREEDOM!

      Oh the struggles of the innocent. Only ten, I'm so sad for that little girl, heal her, it is not her fault, she is free now, celebrate freedom and take away the power of awful people.

      Much Peace, Love and Joy be with you and the little ten year old, may she now be free! :) Katie

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you Xandine. I appreciate your comment.

      Susan - thank you - I wrote this a while back but held it for awhile before publishing since I was not comfortable sharing at first but everyone has been very supportive!

      Yes Fossillady/Kathi(?), it is amazing, especially as we age, and reflect - all the memories, buried and forgotten - Do return at some point. I blamed myself if anything but it is always there, as you say - affecting our lives in other, negative ways. That is why I think writing is so therapeutic.

      Thank you all for your commenmts!

    • Fossillady profile image

      Kathi 

      7 years ago from Saugatuck Michigan

      This title caught my eye right away. So many of us endured abuses of one kind or another as children. They get so buried and if not revealed their emotional toll runs our lives in negative ways. Beautiful poem Cath

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 

      7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This must have been a hard one to do. You and I have so many similarities in our lives. Well done and thank you so much for sharing!

    • Xandine profile image

      Xandine 

      7 years ago from United Kingdom

      Hard subject to write about, but you did it very well.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Wow, thank you so much Nell, I am glad that you had a chance to read and comment!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      7 years ago from England

      Hi, this truly came from the heart and was an amazing piece, I can't even begin to understand the feeling that someone goes through after this, but your poem said it all, well done.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you Denise! I so glad you visited and I really appreciate your comments! I must admit that I wrote this awhile back but just got up the nerve to publish after reading about some of the things that others have shared. Now, I am glad I did, like you said, there really is freedom in revealing those secrets!

    • Denise Handlon profile image

      Denise Handlon 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      ChatKath-so nice to meet you. This is a beautifully haunting poem. You've captured this heartache with the eloquence of words that bring the emotion to a jarring reality for the reader. My heart goes out to the little girl who had to endure. I applaud your strength and survival. Thank you for sharing...it took much courage and yet, there is a freedom in the sharing. Well done.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thank you Green Lotus, Yet another example of how we use writing to work things out in our lives...

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 

      7 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      And you are also a poet. This was dark and troubling but also delicate and lyrical. I enjoyed the read.

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Yes my friend & true poet Epi it is a difficult thing to talk about which is why I really appreciate your encouragement and your outlook on life - For so may years I internalized & truly assumed it was me. Now I know better, we all have our demons and I am so fortunate to have friends like you to keep me on course!

      Thanks!!!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      7 years ago

      ...well this is a difficult and tough subject to discuss and to read about - but at the same time it takes someone like you who is brave and courageous enough to bring such dark subjects out into the light for all to see - and perhaps others will come forward with their own stories - you are a true survivor and a hero to me - I am so proud to have met you - and please keep on writing!

    • Chatkath profile imageAUTHOR

      Kathy 

      7 years ago from California

      Thanks Darski! I am so glad you commented since I was reluctant to even publish such darkness but I think it helps me to write so I can put it into perpective! Not 10 anymore :)

      You are such an awesome friend! Hope you are feeling better and lemon-less.....

    • Darlene Sabella profile image

      Darlene Sabella 

      7 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

      Oh sweet darlin, when you were only 10. I was only five so life is full of trick and traps for the unwary, keep writing about had issues. Let's add to each on "NO More Secrets" Bravo my hero....love & peace darski and rate up up up you are so great

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