Shattered Pieces All Over, after Granny's Passing
When it all Started...
There i was that dreadful morning,
The day i feared most was here.
As my phone rang my fingers shivered
To answer, but i did anyhow.
It was the nurse calling from the Hospital
To give me the sad news that my grandmother
Had passed away.
Words cannot express how i felt at that moment.
You mean she is really gone? Gone as in never
Coming back, i won’t see or hear her laughter or talks
again? My heart was shattered, my soul melted deep
Inside me, my whole world had finally fell apart.
My mind started twirling around i wondered
If the doctor checked you well, before pronouncing
You dead. Did you fall into a deep sleep, a coma?
No no no! You just couldn’t be dead.You were the bravest
Soldier i knew, you fought battles anytime, anywhere.
You always beat death at his game!
I was already going through a hell of a lot... With silent
And hidden tears. I wasn’t well physically for over two years
And now this? Oh No! This was the runny icing on the cake
That made everything smushy, something i did not
Wish to taste. But i had to swallow it, though it choked
Me, eventually it would go down.
Granny On Her Funeral Day
After awhile i couldn’t make to work anymore.
They didn’t understand, because some had forgotten
You already, or others just dealt with it differently.
I had to leave, i needed to be in my inner closet
Where i can try to digest the eerie blow of death.
It was I who stuck it out with you all those years,
So digestion would take much longer.
Through the good times and the bad times.
We weren’t always sweet like honey...But one
Thing i knew was that you loved me no matter what.
And i loved you, i couldn’t bring myself to leaving
You all alone, just when you needed me most.
It was through the bitter and the sweet. That
Our lives were complete...
Yes, i was glad your sufferings were finally over.
God give you eighty three years on this earth.
Some were filled with joy and laughter and others
With GREAT GREAT pains and disaster. Your last
Few years wasn’t nice at all, being sickly,
yet you did not want to die.
Every time you would get up and fight and kick the devil once again.
You always tried to be positive...I remembered asking you,
A few months before you died. If you were ready to die? And you said
“No! But death has reign over us”. For all your life you almost
Thought you did not want to die. Until you walked through Heaven’s
I just fell my desire and paste for everything keep decreasing daily.
They say time’s a healer, but what they did not know was just how badly
My heart was BROKEN, when you had to go.
It would take like forever to mend. They say
Life goes on, but how far can it go without you?
You were my everything.
You were my sunshine and my rain
You heard my first cries, and changed
My diapers. You bathe, wash, fed and clothed me.
Told me wonderful stories, bought and made nice
Clothes for me. You were a grandmother and mother in one.
Stephen Meara Blount soothes my aching heart!
To Grandma With Love
You were with me from bows to clips
Crayons to perfumes, socks to stockings
From every step of the way... So tell me
How can i stand when my pillar has been removed?
How can i keep walking without my shoes!
How can i go back to the way things were
When you were my everything? How can i
Live when my life line had been taken from me.
How can i breathe when my breath was gone?
Nobody knows the aches that i felt and feel.
A smile sometimes cover it up, but that burning
Sensation down in my heart it is REAL!
Everyday i hoped and wished to be with you,
For nothing in this world is worth living without you.
I know if i were asked, i would have given my life freely
For you. NOTHING matters anymore to me.
I tried in different ways to try to cope with my lost.
She flew up to Heaven
Flowers are Blooming Forever
I tried to put back the pieces of my heart together,
But shattered pieces were all over. The biggest splinter
Was you. How can i mend it with such a big part of it
Missing? There’s two holes in my heart now, that only God
And Heaven can renew. One for you and one for my brother.
It is only when i see you all again... That my life would be renewed.
I know God did what was best, but sometimes i feel like I’ve
Failed the test. Sometimes i wish He can loan me you for a
Day or two. Or what if Heaven had phones or wifi maybe i can
Still talk to you. What if God could send down a ladder,
every once in awhile?
I know you always wanted the best for me, you thought
Me to be brave and bold, to have courage that was never told.
To never be a quitter. I just wish i can gathered enough strength
To be solely back on my feet again. To face this world in my
Armour of gold, and to stand behind the shield of all the things,
You thought me. To get by in this world, not to easily crumble
And fall, but to stand tall through it all.
Flowers on Gran's 1st Birthday in Heaven 7/7/2016
Happy 84th Birthday Gran
Though fifteen sorrowful months have passed... I know
That each passing day, brings me even closer to being
with you. May your soul REST IN PEACE Grandma, as i
Know it is resting, until we meet again.It’s ALL i live for now is to see your beautiful face again.And to lock you in my warm embrace.
A soul that went back to Heaven to it’s maker, God.
I Promise you that no matter, how busy life gets i will
Never forget you. Your name will be spoken from the
Mountain tops. I will remember you ALWAYS.
Love you FOREVER Grandma!
Maybe someday soon i will get myself back together!
Have you ever had a Heartache after a loved one passed?
© 2016 Joanna Chandler