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She was nothing but a beautiful blink
As all begun that day, I had my ideas of little stories written in my mind playing like a movie, over and over again, never the same of course, I had to make it better by changing some details. What clothes was she wearing, the shoes I was wearing, the conversations we were having, never seem to fit. The unknown was taking myself, I didn’t know what to expect. So I let it be, as the way the night was supposed to be.
Nervous by time getting shorter, the anxiety took over every inch in my body. Soon, she was outside. I did my way to her car, as I got in I couldn’t noticed anything else but how pretty she looked, so dumb about her, I couldn’t listen to any word she was saying or make sound any word of mine, I bet she said something nice, but I can’t remember. I get to forget things when I’m zone out from the moment.
On the road we exchanged words building fool conversations about anything that crossed our minds. As we were minutes away from our destination, I felt my sense numbed with knowing how close we were. A while later, we got there, it was an isolated building surrounded by urban landscapes, the parking lot was empty you could see a few fellas chatting outside, we realized that we got a bit too early, so we decided to go have dinner. Relief to the idea of going to eat before going back to that place was amazing. The reason why was because I was starving! Which she had no idea, I tried to eat something earlier that day but I just couldn't. Finally she found a pizza restaurant kind of bar nearby so we stopped and ate there. We order pizza and it was delicious even thought, didn't had beef on it, surprised of how good it tasted without it.
It got the time to hit back to that place, she drove back, and by the time we got there the parking lot was packed. Shooting thoughts hit my mind like a battlefield, the victorious one was “I shouldn't be here” based on my emotional and psychological fear I developed as a kid, to dislike every single situation or person who makes feel threatened. Somehow it’s the way I felt when we walked in, seen all these girls, walking like they own lots of broken hearts, chewing feelings, drinking beers to numb their minds, what’s the point of that?. Hollow hearts, confused minds, but most of them are sexually active as what I heard, it looked like everyone has been with everyone in the room. It was like I walked in to the middle of an arena surrounded by lions waiting for me to be part of their food cycle. Probably the only way I get to be part of it, it’s "been with her".
As we sat in the bar, I was trying hard to be completely there, body and mind, just for her. There’s something about her that makes my bloodstream go fast, activating all sense in my body, desiring her, but I found myself fighting it back, again. Finally the band we went to see, was getting ready. The main singer was her friend, which I have to say she has a captivating voice, and well I guess the rest of the band got their sparks too. The music started playing, the lights played along, you could see them owning the stage and everyone in the room losing themselves. It felt like the lyrics speak to us, making every one of us collide to a same feeling, strangers were no longer strangers.
I noticed something in particular when we were sitting together, even thought she was with me, it felt like I was there by myself. I could feel her looking for someone, like she was waiting for someone to be seen with me. It didn't took long to be confirmed what I was so afraid of. I felt totally used after she asked me if I wanted to know who her ex was, I refused to know such thing. The night break down when the tables turn around, can’t feel the same about her. I won’t let myself drive in to the opportunity of getting hurt. Funny how you could do anything for that person who makes you feel ways no one else ever did to feel nothing but disappointment of how people play with your emotions.
I buried deep inside me the wonderful feelings which thoughts of her, brought to me. That’s how everything ended before it could begin. Learning to understand the fact that we don’t have control over everything that happens will set our minds free. Let go what you don’t need, to let in what’s really out there waiting for you.
© 2014 Ingrid Ortiz