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Sick Day Blues

Updated on April 13, 2012

Here I sit

in fascination

quiet contemplation

finding nothing come to hand

yet wondering still if I can stand

prickling skin

aching back

knowing I will pay dearly

for not hacking it

feeling disbelief

for there is so much to do

not that I could do it now

knowing that it would cost me dear

maybe a shot in my rear

to defy the way things are

for that sweating it out

in my solitude

misery of human form and bounds

so much for my immortality

I could not move a mountain now

should I sneeze

scalding lava erasing life

for my efforts.

Another cup of something hot

not mattering what

works to assuage my feeling

that this day is a total waste


sorry my friends for your screens

but that would not be suppressed

think of me

your self as well

be aware

having a care

excuse me as I make love

to my tissue.


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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      My second best jonrual: This poem means, to me, that you should be grateful. Take everything in a positive manner. Don't be so negative. People have way less than you. Don't look at the people that have more than you. What more do you actually NEED in life? You have a lot. Food, clothes, healthcare, family that loves and cares about you, loyal friends, and a home. Plus unnecassary items. So why want more and more and be greedy. The art or carrying a cheery smile; if everything goes wrong,' to me means, if you can hold down (keep) a smile through the hardest times, it will take so much hard cruel work to get you to not smile. One need not to others such banners fly. If one has the will power to simply try,' to me means, don't say you can't do something if you dont even try. Don't start off negative or you'll never find something to be positive about. If you're upset about nothing, you will end up having to be upest about something. Don't make problems in your life, just fix the ones you already have.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      My confusion as to your feelings about the law came from your repeated use of the word "arbitrary".

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I appreciate your scruples. I may not share some of them but they seem wise. I am aware that I put too much store by that which I say. I am aware that mine are not the only pearls in existence. I know of the sand they weRe formed from. I know of thier purity and balanced shape. The chance for me to prove that I live all of the things I affirm to your satisfaction is lacking. Perfection in growth pattern is hard to demonstrate even if it were believable to be possible amongst those who read my work.

      I have long sense stopped caring, in person what one saw when looking at me. I purposely go out of my way to hide my nature. It is as my brother wished. I don't own any trumpets to blow before me and if any tried to get out theirs I would probably stick a dirty sock in it and giggle.

      I have never worried about how people live thier proclamations. I don't worry if they happen to be vile. If that which a man says is higher in standard then what I live I try for it. I search the words of the brethren for admonishing that equals it as I try. If someone says a thing is impossible I go about trying to disprove those assertions.

      Not all people are the same. It is pleasant to have you be so frank in your explanation of yourself though. I know you dont have to.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      The last comment I posted this morning does not appear. Should I repost it or is just awaiting approval? Like you, I prefer to not double-post.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      smile. Last comment - point well taken. That is among your strongest assets, -the ability to evolve attitudes and reassess first impressions & still remain true to your own light.

      Even so, that detailed assessment of me is a good example of how one's own (mine in this instance) raison d' etre gets filtered and somewhat distorted as it goes through the subjective perceptions of another person (yours in this instance).

      My tendency to want to clarify some of its misperceptions is giving way to simply preferring to allow your own processes, your continuing perceptions and intelligence to ferret out the flaws in that assessment as you observe and get to know me better, if and as you may honestly want to. That is how impressions become internalized at and attuned to one's own level by the senses and fine-tuning of one's perceptions. If not, no damage done here. I've little mind to justify or defend myself and doing so would counter one of my own better strengths.

      Your pearls ARE appreciated (in my way). Never underestimated or given short-shrift. I see value and have taken in those which don't aggressively counteract my own pearls. In so doing, they do come into my awareness and my processing stage raising valid questions and requiring justified examination, rather than being 'swallowed whole" without chewing. Would you expect less?

      Among my pearls IS ability to hold lightly, reserving judgment for fuller information, and allowing others their positions and opportunity to demonstrate in action watt they claim with words, without my getting bent out of shape about them, whatever they are. My light touch applies especially to those things over which I truly have no control,- mainly others' opinions, abilities and acceptances of me. Those are theirs. There are always plenty of areas in which to invest my active control where I do have the say, such as my own effectivity, authenticity and example.

      Experience proves that demonstrating one's truth is far more effective than stating it emphatically or preaching it dogmatically. Face it, it's an uphill slippery slope one attempts in trying to force-feed a personal view (or most anything!) on others. No matter it's value as one sees it - acceptance by others always depends on - - willing acceptance. But the effects of either approach will always vary with the individuals and their own receptivity, mental agility and yield-ability, so one's own satisfaction with the effects of one's attempts to influence is wise to be flexible or else one is in a state of frustration and possibly even unnecessary self-doubt or depression.

      Realizing that others' responses ARE simply all their own (and legitimately so), that they do not proclaim a lack of intelligence in them or a lack of clarity in oneself if not instantly 'in line with one's intentions' and that they aren't one's own responsibility, blame or triumph. Of course, if the merit and authenticity of one's message and its palatable presentation, supported by one's own performance does take root in another, it is a source of personal joy, especially for the other if it actually helps and doesn't hurt that person.

      But however one communicates one's messages, once set upon the external sphere, they're on their own in an often hostile or at least a reluctant environment! :-)

      I know that I don't HAVE TO convince and I don't/can't EXPECT my level of comprehension and/or use of my own pearls abiding & pouring forth from others, especially when on my own turf. At the same time, I am aware that it's likely that their levels have other characteristics, strengths and values differing from mine to which I might be privy if I'm not too adamant that mine are the only ones of value. That's good, because I'm genuinely ever-ready to learn and to fit in those I find to be of value to me, meaning those which actually do fit or can be retrofitted in without deranging what I have, which I know to be rather superior - at least for my own use. I've learned to trust what I bring to any situation, with a minimum of arrogance. it's among my greatest strengths, actually.

      So here I AM. Both flexible and firm. Both pliable and more finished than naive. Both intensely aware and alert and also willing to allow natural developments to occur. I've been becoming this me you see for 80 years of very active and aware living my life; strenuously active in the pursuit and determination of my light without setting up blockages to LIFE/God.

      So - I hope you are having a lovely day, my friend. Never ever abandon your own light! It can shine brightly through the thickest fog! Hugs.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I don't really feel that way any more and have calmed down for it. It seems to be a predictable stage I go through in getting to know someone who doesn't exactly see things the way I do.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Your complement is the highest I may receive in life even if I become a poet laureate. Perhaps I have given the impression of tossing out your words whole sale. We have been talking about justice and the rule of law. These are subjects that feel pretty inflexible to me. I get the feeling when you talk about the subject that you object to the idea that someone set down hard and fast rules that you didn't get to vote on. The whole idea that they exist whether you like it or not would bother you if it weren't for the fact that time and maturity has you totally at your ease. Your ease doesn't come from a presence of answers but rather with a level of comfort with the lack there of and the feeling that if you haven't achieved it by no that it isn't all that important. They may be interesting points of discussion but not enough to make you hungry for anything more then you already have.

      I can respect that. I understand it. I could never live that way myself. I only understand what I do or have come to the conclusions that I have because I couldn't leave the questions alone. They are everything to me. I care about you as much as I have ever cared for a correspondent. Regardless of our differences it works. I don't know how but it does and I appreciate that. I therefore act as is my nature to offer a friend a pearl or two. I admit that in my way it bothered me at first when I felt the pearls being examined and handed back with an appraisal short of what I felt they were worth. It made me a little obsessive. I am sorry for that.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      I still write spontaneously now, as well as in those past times, though not as prolifically. Like you, when writing, I just let it flow 'as is' and don't slave over it - it's quick. I seldom change it during or after the writing; and if I do, that will be as spontaneous as the original writing. I don't 'set out to fix' it, per se. But if, as I'm copying or transcribing it, I see a better phrase or word, an elimination of a word or more - something that I see could improve it, I change it - but still keep copies as it had been. It's almost another poem to me if I redo it, & I value it as it first emerged, too, because at that time, it fit and filled the need of 'then'.

      One thing you'll never see me say or imply is that "I'd like you better if you were different." I don't simply 'tolerate' your mindedness or methods. They are YOU. I may not agree with or adhere to them, I may even puzzle over or balk at some of them but I accept them as part of who you are, now and possibly have been and will be for all time, and I appreciate that. I don't intend to be obnoxious when I express what may be my take on a point at which we see things differently and may never be able to see it the same. I am comfortable with mine and don't require agreement. I sense you feel similarly about yours. What I very much value is to have my points heard and comprehended before being rejected OR accepted. The end result is just how it is. But to be shunted off as "oh, it must be one of 'those' somethings preconceived and/or totally non-understood but summarily rejected, -IS something that bugs me - but not enough to make an issue over. It's just a red flag that, realistically, spinning my wheels would be its destiny there.

      Trust me, it is not my nature to take or make issues of any such things. I prefer to live and let live and when I do offer comments such as I've done with you, it is not ridicule or censure. More likely, perhaps, it's complimentary in that they are acknowledging your position or slant on things, or sometimes admitting I've found a point for which the logic is not apparent to me. But there are no axes to grind and definitely no masked agendas underlying my responses. Still, it is VERY unusual for me to speak as freely as I have with you in these matters. I edit a church bulletin for a good friend here (he was just by with one for me to edit) - and I offer some advise about content, knowing as I do the audience he's addressing, but more it's on the ho-hum grammar and spelling or sentence structure matters. So I do notice obvious typos and misusage of the language. I notice them throughout HubPages, but it is very very rare I mention them. It's not my job and there are other things of more interest here for me. I encourage where encouragement is both needed and merited, but I can't praise anything that is non-praiseworthy.

      As for your poetic style, that's what it is, thank goodness- yours, original, and quite palatable, as well as challenging. Thankfully, what it is not is some absurd effort to reconstruct someone else's style or to adhere to sterile rules of poetry composition out of a textbook. Only when those literary rules have been so well internalized as to pour forth with ease to communicate the poet's original thoughts, do they 'ring true', at least to my ear. Far too many hopefuls seem to think that plugging some words (which some apparently think need to be fancy or obscure or impressive) into some format they've found is all there is to it, and much too often the words being plugged in are trite and transparently void of meaning or heart. Lacking standards of their own, they then thrust those futile, shallow attempts on readers who must cringe and bear it.

      Truthfully, I don't like a lot of poetry I see. :-) I think better no form at all with originality and finesse, than no originality with any kind of or lack of form that might be dredged up upon which to hang such pitiful attempts at poetry writing poetry as one sees from time to time. Poetry is only able to 'speak' when with authenticity; the 'whose' and 'how' are secondary.

      In any case there's no need for you to change style or selection of subjects about which to write. Always please yourself with it and then, no matter what, there will be one honest fan! (And almost inevitably - many more!)

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Perhaps my hesitation comes at the behest of knowing that my voice, until very recently has known no obnoxious attention as yours which I almost covet. My father wrote poetry but he never kept it up. His pride or nature wouldn't allow him to nurture my efforts only it correct with ridicule some of my more infantile attempts. I explore other formats but find my own more suited to my expression. I have been dared on occasion to try other modes and I find myself more then capable. I just don't see the point, however, in marching across sod that others need but I do not. Maybe that makes me arrogant. If you see a point do tell. Truth be told. Almost all of my work on hubpages was written as I sat. I maybe spent all of thirty minutes on any one poem and retread any one of them once. I wish I could say as you that I have thousands in reserve but I don't. Once I gained my voice I just typed what I felt on anything without censure. I am not even sure if that is worth anything or if I would want to exploit it if I could. I simply haven't come to that bridge. I am not sure what I will say of myself when I have had the time for contemplation that you have. I gravitate to your work because of its brevity and the originality of your expressions on subjects that I abhor to write on but have from time to time because the subjects are usually all wore out to the point of making most expression trite and cliche. You venture there with grace and ease. I value that and your tolerance of my narrow minder or overly focused methods.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      What a lovely reply, JF. Those are two of Robert Frost's I highly favor and of course, Hamlet's Soliloguy is ever-beloved. Kipling's "IF" is among my all-time favorites. My Dad gave me a special little copy of it once.

      Here's another of Frost's I like too:

      A Considerable Speck (Microscopic)

      ??A speck that would have been beneath my sight

      ?On any but a paper sheet so white?

      Set off across what I had written there.?

      And I had idly poised my pen in air

      ?To stop it with a period of ink

      ?When something strange about it made me think,?

      This was no dust speck by my breathing blown,?

      But unmistakably a living mite?

      With inclinations it could call its own.?

      It paused as with suspicion of my pen,?

      And then came racing wildly on again?

      To where my manuscript was not yet dry;

      ?Then paused again and either drank or smelt--?

      With loathing, for again it turned to fly.?

      Plainly with an intelligence I dealt.?

      It seemed too tiny to have room for feet,?

      Yet must have had a set of them complete

      ?To express how much it didn't want to die.?

      It ran with terror and with cunning crept.?I

      t faltered: I could see it hesitate;?

      Then in the middle of the open sheet

      ?Cower down in desperation to accept?

      Whatever I accorded it of fate.?

      I have none of the tenderer-than-thou

      ?Collectivistic regimenting love?

      With which the modern world is being swept.?

      But this poor microscopic item now!?

      Since it was nothing I knew evil of

      ?I let it lie there till I hope it slept.

      ??I have a mind myself and recognize?

      Mind when I meet with it in any guise

      ?No one can know how glad I am to find

      ?On any sheet the least display of mind.

      ___Robert Frost

      I'm not big on memorizing poetry. Actually I was fairly precocious as a kid and Mother loved to put me on the spot to 'recite' some of the poems I simply 'knew by heart' when I was 3 or 4. I hadn't made it a point to memorize them, it was just like 'absorption', I guess. But before long it was embarrassing to be paraded before her friends to perform and I took a strong dislike to performing. I was a shy kid, but more, - it really galled and went against my nature to do as I was bid in areas that I sensed really were my own prerogatives. I suppose I'm still like that a good bit.

      Then at age 11 or 12, when my fingers turned to Jello when I got on stage to play the piece I'd memorized on the piano, Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" - and I couldn't play OR remember it, though I'd easily and faultlessly played it all the time, my memory-for-performance quotient zoomed to the bottom of that scale. A few things still commit to memory 'by heart' but I don't play any music from memory. I read every note, no matter how long I've played a piece or even if I once knew it by heart. Oddly, though, at times I may become distracted from the note-reading and continue on playing till I realize I'm not really reading the notes. I have trouble at times remembering the exact words to even some of my most favorite of my own poems.

      Until I came to Hubpages - with NO intention of putting any of my poetry on here - I had shared only a veryfew of my thousands of poems with only a very few close friends and a few on my personal - (made-from-scratch) - website, to which I've never sought to attract 'traffic'. If anything, I've resisted it, except when I personally invite or am discovered by someone who has recognized me as a real person. I started publishing the poems on HP very tentatively and still sometimes ask myself what am I doing? Truthfully, if they didn't seem to inspire or encourage others, I doubt I'd do it. Their simplicity is one of their attractions, of course, and that they 'speak' to people where they deeply feel it. But their purpose when written was simply to express my responses for my own self to the things which impacted me. The poetry was my haven in several ways, because my habitat at the time was not.

      No, not silly at all that you choose to handle voices and other influences in your own way which suits your needs as only you know them at a given time.

      Your voice IS strong, but whether your innards feel ready to abandon old safeguards to insure it, is something between you and your innards. You're most concerned to keep it pure at this time, a motive with which I'm empathetic. I sense you 'feeling your way' in some areas and venues, where, perhaps, you are interested in exploring but your voice would be less familiar or attuned, & you are not convinced of their merit. There's no reason to proceed prematurely or casually when there are red flags or - worse, maybe - NO flags one way or the other. One often must dissect and question incoming stuff, in order to preserve balance and ground already securely won. When it is right and, most of all, when it FITS, you know and your internal mode of cautious hesitation finds other questions to consider as they arise and are deemed worthy to consider.

      This is a poem I wrote long ago:

      Upon a hill

      I climbed one day

      By accident,

      I found my soul

      And recognized it


      I could have

      Just as easily

      Missed it

      And gone another way.

      _____© Nellieanna H. Hay


    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      Admittedly, as a kid I made an effort to memorize most of the songs I heard on the radio, Robert Frost's "two roads" poem and Hamlets' soliloquy. I made an effort at Choose Something Like a Star by Robert Frost. I still love to read it and find it poignant but I am not that great at remembering it line for line. Over the years I memorized a lot of types of poetry. Then I shut all the voices out of my mind and I don't read poetry that I would ever think of copying. Mores the pity as there is much to read but it helps me keep my 'voice' pure. How silly eh? One would think my 'voice' would be strong enough that I could abandon my old safe guards. Perhaps it is. I certainly react to many of the poets here but in my own way.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      "A Child's Garden of Verses", from which that came, was one of my favorites when I was a kid. "My Shadow" was my most favorite of its poems, but I loved them all and had many memorized.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      I adored the whole work, "A Child's Garden of Verses", of which that is one of the poems. I had quite a few of them memorized. My favorite was, "My Shadow". "Land of Counterpane" was George's favorite.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I now have seen and I am flattered.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I am aware of the name but not that work. I may have to repent of that. I try to shake things up every now and then.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 

      6 years ago from TEXAS

      I came and read. So different for your writing. I checked 'funny' and 'useful' if only to balance the line of accolades for your clever poem. Reminds me a bit of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Land of Counterpane".

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      :-) Why thank you. I Think you are awesome as well. I also appreciate the visit.

    • KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

      Susan Hazelton 

      6 years ago from Sunny Florida

      Jaggedfrost, you made me laugh and feel empathy at the same time. Thant's a hard thing to do. Voted up and awesome.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      lol It gave me a good moment to laugh at myself.

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 

      6 years ago from Space Coast

      Sorry to be predictable.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      I think I may do that. I am glad you enjoyed Malin.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 

      6 years ago

      I'm so sorry that you are not feeling well Jaggedfrost. However, I did Enjoy reading your Fun Poem. That's a lot of Sneezing going on, yes, I did just wipe my Screen...Come on over to my Hub, and I'll give you some Laughs...After all LAUGHTER is the BEST MEDICINE.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      lol I was referring to a more archaic form or definition to the term love making but I suppose that is almost to be expected as a response. Thanks for the read WD Curry

    • WD Curry 111 profile image

      WD Curry 111 

      6 years ago from Space Coast

      Don't overdo the love making to the tissue. You don't want to get a friction burn on top of everything else.


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