Skydiving- Jump or Fall?
No nervousness; no fear. Unafraid of the jump; unafraid of death's lurking potential. Peaceful, I was entirely at peace with what I was about to do. I was smiling – smiling and waiting – and I was happy.
I could sense the camera, knew it had not moved away from me since the climb began. I could feel it searching, trying to detect a flicker of fear or a hint a second thought. I gave it neither.
The moment came, the time to jump. The door opened up like a portal. Air rushed in, whipping across my face — a taste of what was to come.
Two bodies attempting to move as one — only one body unmoving — the other all too familiar with it all. Reaching, grasping for the edge of the portal. Both bodies finally on that ledge, staring down at the world below.
Standing on that ledge, more feeling than ever before felt was passing over me. Within mere seconds — fear and anxiety flashed through my mind. But then, without even consciously asking them to — they left.
In one lurching jump, I was falling. Immediately I threw my hands out, an attempt to find a support force – anything to keep me from making impact with the ground. But nothing, there was absolutely nothing to hold on to. Should I panic? I thought. Oh but wait, nothing to hold on to, yes, and nothing (within the immediate distance) to collide with.
Aware that no harm would befall on me, all tensions were released from me. All thoughts- gone. The ground was not below me — not supporting me nor smashing me into pieces. In that moment, I was floating; I was floating on air. Air swept past me, whirling my hair about and chilling my fingers. I was amazed at how incredible it felt. In that moment, I was free.
Nothing to hold me down and nothing to stop me. And then, the parachute opened. The jolt startled me, but the quiet even more so. I had not noticed how loud the wind was, but with the chute open time had now come to a stand still. The only sound left to hear was the gentle breeze in the parachute. Silk, zipping through the air. Not even my own breathing could be heard, because in that moment all physical necessities evaporated. Those who describe the most beautiful sites on Earth to be speechless had clearly not seen what I was now gazing down at. The view I had before me in that moment pulled the air straight out of my lungs. My lungs did not even care to re-inflate themselves, my heart stood still. My only purpose was to see, to observe.
The mountains and the meadows, the trees and the houses. All so small, all so seemingly insignificant. And there I was, above it all. All the people, all their problems — my problems. Work and school, the stress of relationships. Worry of failure, desire for success. Need for acceptance and hope for love. Someone to hold, and someone to be held by. All of it, gone.
World hunger, violence, and disease — no more. Greed, lust, and pride — gone. Anger, sadness, and pain — without even a lingering memory. I knew it all existed, down below me, but it was a memory too small for even my subconscious to stumble upon. Because where I was? None of it had ever existed.
"Because these are the moments that will become memories, and the memories that we will look back on in our last moments of life. And because this is what it means, to live."
I saw the world with newborn eyes, for what it truly was. Beautiful. A beauty that filled me with feeling, the feeling of living. I was alive, truly alive, for the first time in my life. I gorged myself on that moment, that feeling. I sucked it in like a new drug. I never wanted it to end, I wanted to never come down. To set foot on the ground, would be to return to all my Earthly dilemmas.
I pushed the thought of landing out of my mind, it would come when it came. I turned off all thought, and allowed myself that moment to live. In that moment, I was alive – alive and falling.