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Sleeping With My Girlfriend
What an Experience!
I am posting this here not only because I feel that it just wouldn't fit the forum at the bar, but because I know there are many here that can appreciate this story. I do not know what it is like when you sleep with your partner but, when I sleep with my girl it is quite an experience. I can honestly say I had never even imagined sleeping with a girl like this. It is intense and crazy! Not to mention when the dog decides to make himself known in our bed. When I sleep with my girlfriend blankets go everywhere, the sheets are a mess, and I rarely do get a good nights rest. I used to think about sleeping with her all the time, but now it sometimes feels like it is more work than what it is worth. Sometimes I even fantasize about the empty couch out in the living room. But, hey you gotta love her right, regardless if she hogs all the blankets in existence and the bed as well, when we sleep together.
So every night she insists that we bed down for the night together, she claims that my body is like a nuclear power plant and just as hot. She complains that if I get tucked in before her by the time she comes to bed it is an oven and she feels just like a rotisserie chicken. So, I humor her and we bunk down at the same time, usually later than I would like to, she has to finish her facebook stalking and what not. We head to the bedroom and get tucked in for the night and it's off to sweet sleep. Sike! She has to have her pillow talk, we discuss our day, even though we talked about it over dinner. She asks me how her hair looks, and orders me to tell the truth. Now, don't tell her this, but at night I can't tell the difference between her hair and the dogs when I look at it. So I lie and say it looks wonderful immediately followed by a yawn and I go to roll over for some shut eye. Then I get that age old request. "Can we snuggle?" I roll back over and wrap my arms around her and she burrows into me and then she drifts off to a heavenly sleep world. For me the fun has just begun, not that the has talked to me for the last fifteen minutes so I am not tired any more as my brain has been stimulated. So I lay there as my arm falls asleep, and I am suffocated by the big bushel of her hair that seems to be swallowing up my face. At least my legs are comfortable I think to myself. Nope, not true the dog decides to lay his 60 pound body right on my legs. He has a dog bed and all of the floor, but for some strange reason he deems my bony legs the best place to get a proper nights rest. Somehow though I actually am able to sink into sleep.
Later That Night...
I wake up, It is dark, my neck aches, I have drool all over my arm and my legs just need some salt to win first prize at the national pretzel competition. I cannot feel my arm but I need to use the restroom, I sometimes panic thinking that maybe I don't have an arm anymore because it gets blood so rarely. So, I try to gently wiggle my arm out from under my angels head. I still do not understand how after thousands of years and many wonderful inventions and answers to the cosmos man has answered. We still have not found a way to get our limbs back from our mate. It is inevitable that some of her hair gets caught in my sweaty elbow area and she yelps and jumps which scars fido who then decides it is prudent to walk all over us to see if we are ok. He licks and sniffs and happens to plant his feet on the most unusual spots, such as a crotch or a face. After about five minutes of untangling and paws turning my adams apple into adams applesauce I finally free myself and head for the bathroom for much needed relief. I get to the restroom do my business and upon my return to the bedroom I discover that the dog has determined that his butt has to be on my pillow. I stare him down in the light of the moon, all he does is look up at me with a expression that just says what? Why are you looking at me like that? Get some sleep ding bat its nighttime. I continue to stare. As I try to force his butt to part with my pillow I am careful, if I wake up my woman I will never here the end of it in the morning. I finally get my dog off my pillow and reclaim my spot on in the bed and try yet again for a solid nights rest.
Early The Next Morning...
I don't mean like 6 or 7 I am talking about 4 or so. I wake up and find my body teetering on the edge of the bed and have about 5 square inches of sheet on my upper thigh which explains why I was falling off a cliff in the Antarctic in my dream. I lift my head and assess the situation, well I find that the dog had taken up half the bed in a diagonal fashion and my girl has accompanied him by adjusting herself diagonally as well. So not only do I have no blanket and falling off the bed, but I am falling off the top corner of the mattress! This time I really do contemplate migrating to the sofa. I seriously think it, but I have faith I can still achieve a good night. Yet again I reposition the dog and my girl to their proper sleeping positions and I hunker back down and try yet again to accomplish the impossible.
She Needs To Watch This
Woohoo The Sun Is Here...
The sun is coming up and the alarms go off, another wonderful day is here. We jump up out of bed and break into song and dance greeting this perfection of a day! Well, my girlfriend and the dog do. I am a bit more slow leaping onto the floor and busting out my best solo. As, I grapple for my morning coffee my girl asks me why I kept pushing her all over the bed last night. I look at her her and tell her why, in disbelief she denies every little bit of what she did and takes it a step further and accuses me of hogging the bed! She is sure that when she fell asleep in my arms to dream of princesses and dragons I rolled my vaudeville wax mustache and chuckled about my sinister plan to not sleep all night and push her around the bed. I can't believe it! I am stumped, I look at the dog and I get a look that states the obvious, I pushed him around and ruined his beauty sleep too. I just shake my head knowing what is going to happen tonight after dark.