Soft Sickness

There is an illness that makes it very “uncomfortable” to sit. The irritation may sometimes need surgery to correct. Bowel movements are tough with this sickness. It is of a mechanical sort. What most people do not know is that babies can get them. There are remedies. Hospitalization and surgery are possible. In fact because of their locale they can cause some serious issues which may require emergency before a type of sepsis sets it. Again because of their locale they cause embarrassment and inconvenience. Many a crass joke are made of such matters.

Oh my! I hope you did not think we were talking about hemorrhoids. Nope hernias. There are many types but what we think of when you say that it is in the groin. To this day I remember when I got mine a decade and a half ago. 4 miles into the Grand Canyon and I picked up my 45lb backpack wrong. Just this gritty tearing feel.

Oops! And it was an irritant for the next 3 days or so. For the next 4.5 miles that day it was numb and by camp it only hurt like the rest of me from head to toe. Big first night meal and drink and I was feeling no pain by bedtime.

6 miles the next day. And it was basically a hike. But the next would include real climbing. Of note here is that hiking is generally walking across country, more than a walk on a sidewalk. Whereas climbing requires hands and legs. (not technical with a rope although there are sometimes ropes used in non-technical climbing but not like belaying or rappelling. If you care we are talking about class 4 climbing here) I have been doing it since before Boy Scouts so at least as early as 10 years. It is like riding a bike when you grow up in Mountain 12,000+ and mile deep canyon lands.

So the tear got my attention. But it must of only been one layer torn because I got up fine and only took it easy for a few days after. Along with a cancer issue the took scheduled frequent CT Scans and there that baby was over a decade later. Just sitting there like a ticking time bomb for the next layer to blow. Some might think, major pain. No not at all.

And just recently that baby blew! Real weird carrying a three gallon in each hand and you can almost hear the little pop. Finish up with gardening and you realize something is weird.

Now I wrote rather eclectic above in order to give our life meaning discussion a canvass. Let us fill in, at least the hues and some abstract notions. Way back a lifetime ago during extreme cancer chemotherapy you could tell the stages of cancer by their attitude. Stage 2 guys suffered so mightily I felt sorry for them. Stage 3 guys just did what was told and carried on. Us stage 4 guys were having a blast.

In otherwords what I am saying is that, those who are inconvenienced are so bothered and self consumed. While those of with no chance found little time to suffer. When all is lost only hope and today are left. And that is a fine way to be. Yes a bummer when out of the seven of us only three made it and it hurt like hell when their chair was empty the next treatment. Believe me only death would have you miss one of those appointments. (keep that in mind next time you have to “reschedule”)

Now my wife and I do not wear ill health on our sleeves. She is just as grumpy as usual and am over in my Pollyanna world with a stupid grin on my face. (hey you would be grumpy too raising an 8 and 60 year old child at the same time ;-)

But here is a weird factor on a medical inconvenience. Give it some time and you will adapt. You can adapt happy or suffer – that choice is yours. It took me a few days. And I am still learning. But the process of change is painful. No, I mean really painful. You must learn to use different muscle groups that you have not used in that way. So a back ache or more from sitting in a chair.

I wonder if I was speaking of just plain physical pain due to change or was I speaking of other types of change and pain. To be fair I will give you 48 hours to accept and embrace the pain of change. Shoot I can usually get it done in a week or 2.

This issue is cool because you can just lay down and go vertical. I judge horizontal and vertical by which way my nose is going. Go figure, with a schnoss like mine you would get it.

So back to stages of climbing and cancer. When you go for a walk, you can complain. A hike you can complain. When your butt is hanging over a 60ft cliff you better have your mind on the task at hand, or else. When you have a little hernia you can whine all you like and choose to suffer.

But I go forth in this way. Regardless of your condition the next step may be your last. Pay attention and leave the whining to someone else. I heard this guy named McCain adapted to hell on earth and retained is honor at all times. Jeez we should be able to do it with a hangnail, hernia or trouble in relationships.

My elder son at about 12 told me while on a climb, “Dad they should make this easier”. I gave him one of those, “really buddy?” looks and we laughed like hell. Suffering is optional. Meeting the challenge is required. Do not mistake me as discounting pain and suffering.

And do not mistake me for tough love. I have found that the toughest love of all is that which we require of ourselves yet do not give ourselves, and then fixing that problem. That is tough.

The hernia? My wife said I caused it to get out of chores. Therefor I limped through chores and smugly asked if there was anything else I could do for her.

If you have never stood in the sleet with a backpack on in a foreign country with no place to stay go do it. Man does that hot coffee taste good and that bus feel warm.

I hope that you feel comfortable enough with me to take me for granted.

So I went into the doctor’s office and the gal doctor asks me “On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain?” Good for her. I said “not”, “just uncomfortable”. She had her prescription pad out and raised an eyebrow. I told her that if it takes my breath away I will give you a call. Otherwise any pain is just part of life and should not be endured but cherished just as no pain.

Can you imagine being heartbroken and being an observer of it. Please note here that with my children I have never told them “don’t cry”. I am not a god over their feelings. They are born with the inalienable right to feel what they feel. But I can say “I would save my tears for someone else”.

“If you see me brought to my knees do not be concerned, know that I am only praying in praise”