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Something to laugh about.

Updated on May 4, 2009

Newspaper articles you wish you would see.

A champion football team loses its best player, Roger Dicks, to a sports injury. Next day the newspaper headline reads "Team will play without Dicks." The manager complains about this wording and the editor agrees to change it. Next day the headline reads, "Team to play with Dicks out."

To raise money for a new church roof a priest buys a racehorse. However, when it arrives it turns out he's bought a donkey by mistake. He decides to race the donkey anyway and is astonished when it comes in third. The next day the local paper caries the headline: "Priest's ass shows." Next day the priest enters it in another race and this time time the donkey wins. The paper caries the headline, "Priest ass out in front." The local bishop is upset by this publicity and orders the priest not to race the donkey. The paper's headline reads: "Bishop scratches priest's ass." Reading this, the bishop orders the priest to get rid of the donkey, so he gives it to a nun. Next day the paper reads: "Nun has fine ass." The outraged bishop then orders the nun to get rid of the donkey, and she sells it to a farmer. Next day the headline read: "Nun sells ass for $25."

A tourist is walking through a town in Alabama when he sees a dog mauling a child. The dog is extremely vicious and the man has to kill it with a spade before it will let the child go. A newspaper editor runs up to the man and says, "That was the bravest thing he has ever saw, tomorrow morning the headline of my paper will read, 'Local man slays rabid beast.'" "Thanks," says the man. "But I'm not local. I'm not from this town." The editor replies, "Then the headline will read, "Gallant souther gentleman saves child."" "Actually, I'm not a souther," replies the man. "I'm from New York." Next morning the headline reads, "Yankee murderer executes family pet."

Funniest newspaper headlines I have seen.

Cold wave link to temperatures.

Deaf-Mute gets new hearing in killing.

Eye Drops off shelf.

Kids make nutritious snacks.

War dims hope for peace.

Red tape holds up new bridge.

Man struck by lightning faces battery charge.

Iraqi head seeks arms.

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one.

 Hurricane rips through cemetery: Hundreds dead.

 Something went wrong in jet crash, expert says.

 New study of obesity looks for larger test group.

 If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while.

 Panda maiting fails; Veternarian takes over.


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    • aceny profile image

      aceny 8 years ago

      Yes it does. Thanks for reading.

    • Ginn Navarre profile image

      Ginn Navarre 8 years ago

      Aceny, thanks for the humor with my cup of coffee, this world needs more positive laughter.