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Steel Regret

Updated on June 18, 2013

Squeezing so hard now
I can't stop the flow
watching it all drip away
I want to stay
but I lit the fuse
now it's too late

so much to say
so little time

trying to stop it now
but it's dripping like candle wax
I can feel the flame lowering
not as warm as i used to be
getting cold
on this hard wood floor

I am so sorry
I never said goodbye

I'm sorry
I wish I hadn't tried
wish I hadn't pushed so deep
wished I had a tourniquet

my pulse is fading
faintly breathing
every tear drop from my eye
screams another reason to live
I didn't want to die
I tried
I tried so hard

I just needed someone to help me fight the demons
inside
I know I cried
a lot
but there was no place to hide

the darkness consumed me
I couldn't find the light at the end of this tunnel
I tried
I
I'm sorry

I thought my silence spoke volumes
but instead
it left you confused
you didn't know what to do
I sent smoke signals with every blink
you didn't know what to think
I'm sorry I lied
but
I tried

I told you everything was okay

Why did you believe me?

couldn't you see
I was always playing make believe
always pretending everything was okay
you were always looking
looking the other way

my dreams were hazed
everything glazed
you thought it was a phase

I told you my suicide note
was just poetry
I didn't want you to believe me
"It's nothing Dad, really"
my fingers crossed
I never needed a hug more
than I did then
I wanted you to see me

the paragraph in the middle
was about you
and me
you were too blind to see
I was afraid

Now I wish I could speak to you
and hear your voice
one last time
I would tell you "I love you"
a thousand times

I'm almost dead
and I'm left screaming in my head
hoping for peace
just a small piece
here at the end
I find myself
holding on, with everything I have
but it's not enough
all this blood
this red flood
it's written, "The End"

Daddy...

I'm so sleepy

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    • Poetic Ink profile image

      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York, New York

      This poem was loaded with passion and emotions for the love of self appeared to be slipping away, and till there was hope due to it all being a lie, wow!

      Nice technique and style of poetry, it was depressing for the most part, but good poetry does that to its readers sometimes, and even can inspire. Good job, and thanks for sharing it with us all. Thumbs up and getting shared on all of our community networks.

    • SiberianWolf profile image
      Author

      Eric T. Shortridge 4 years ago from MidWest

      hey Poetic Ink :) Thanks so much... really appreciate that... I don't always enjoy the darker inks, as I tend to really feel the emotions involved... sometimes it can take awhile to come down, or get back up... thanks again, I hope to be making the rounds and reading your ink :O)

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      It's effective, Siberianwolf. The saddest element to me is its evidence that it's a son or daughter. wow.

    • SiberianWolf profile image
      Author

      Eric T. Shortridge 4 years ago from MidWest

      Thanks so much Nellieanna :) always honored when others 'feel' the ink... appreciate your time and your kind words... Hope to be reading you soon :)

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 4 years ago from TEXAS

      My pleasure!

    • blaise25 profile image

      Fehl Dungo 4 years ago from close to you...

      I felt like crying as I go along...it's breaking my heart. You wrote it so effectively. I'm a fan now. :)

    • SiberianWolf profile image
      Author

      Eric T. Shortridge 4 years ago from MidWest

      Thank you so much blaise... I will admit, I cried myself while writing this... embracing all those emotions as my fingers moved... makes it all worthwhile with your words... thank you!!

    • SMonaghan119 profile image

      Sean 4 years ago from PA

      Very well written...loved how I could picture feeling it...put myself in the place and perspective of the story being told...very emotional and heartfelt...you are a very talented writer. Keep up the good work.

    • SiberianWolf profile image
      Author

      Eric T. Shortridge 4 years ago from MidWest

      SMonaghan... thank you so very much... appreciate your time and words... but most of all, for feeling the ink... love when that happens... new to the community of hubpages here.... so thanks again! I look forward to reading your ink :)

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