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Survival Tips For A Zombie Apocalypse

Updated on July 28, 2015

Zombies!!

They're Coming!
They're Coming! | Source

A Zombie Apocalypse is Near!

You might recall back in January that thousands of birds just dropped dead from the sky in Arkansas . Not to mention that over the United States , hundreds of fish have been found dead floating down rivers. The South has encountered freakish pop-up snowstorms and common enemies are becoming the best of friends. This can only mean one thing folks....THE TIME OF ZOMBIE TAKEOVER IS UPON US!!

Remain in TOP Physical Condition

Alright Folks, just because this disastrous apocalypse has not happened yet does not mean that it never will! Luckily for you I will provide you major tips to survive zombie attacks and how to react when " All Hell breaks lose. " Get started immediately, and do not take for granted this extensive knowledge I am bestowing upon you. The first thing that you need to do is get in top physical condition. That's right, get your behind away from the computer and start working out! The fact is that zombies absolutely love people who are out of shape because they are easier targets. Out of shape people to a zombie means more flesh to eat, much easier to chase down, and they will not put up much of a fight. But how in the world does one remain in top physical condition during a zombie takeover? Well, instead of heading towards your local gym and having to kill zombies between bench presses I will provide you with easy work-outs that can be done anywhere you are. Doing full-body workouts in a sufficient amount of time is KEY for staying in shape. That way when you are attacked you may sprint away or kick a** wherever you may be.

Do whatever you can to stay in SHAPE!
Do whatever you can to stay in SHAPE! | Source

STEP 1: TRY TO DO AT LEAST 100 JUMPING JACKS TO WARM THE BODY UP!

STEP 2: GRAB A TIMER OR ESTIMATE FOUR MINUTES

STEP 3: WHILE THE TIMER IS RUNNING, MAKE SURE YOU DO AS MANY PUSH-UPS AS YOU CAN! MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF HOW MANY YOU DID AND MOVE ON TO STEP 4.

STEP 4: DO AS MANY SQUATS AS YOU CAN! MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF HOW MANY YOU DID AND MOVE ON TO STEP 5.

STEP 5: DO AS MANY PULL-UPS AS YOU CAN! MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF HOW MANY YOU DID AND RETURN TO STEP 3. TRY TO ACCOMPLISH AS MANY OF THESE BEFORE THE FOUR MINUTES IS UP.


In as little as four minutes, you have managed to work every muscle in your body. Make sure that the next time you attempt this work-out you try to do at least one extra for each segment. But, give yourself time to re-cooperate in another day or so. Keep in mind when you do this it is for your own benefit! Zombies will not have sympathy for you because you had no time to work-out and were preoccupied with other things.

Make sure you are ready!
Make sure you are ready! | Source

Interval Jogging Chart

Intervals workout chart
Intervals workout chart | Source

Work On Sprints and Short-Distance Cardio

Many will tell you that the major component to work on is cardiac fitness. I agree and disagree with this statement. Yes, you need to be able to run fast when the time comes but you can not out run a SUPER ZOMBIE! They are compelled by rage and have no fatigue at all! Thereby, I think that short distance cardiac fitness is suitable enough. So, make sure you train to become extremely fast at short distances. That means forget about taking a pleasurable jog through the park or some time on a treadmill! Instead work out in intervals like walk for three minutes and run really fast for one minute taking at least twenty minutes out of your day. But be careful because ZOMBIES ARE EVERYWHERE!

Work on jumping over obstacles.
Work on jumping over obstacles. | Source

Practice Your Jumps

This is one major piece of information that anyone can bestow upon you. Unless you stay in the suburbs where there are flat streets and no major objects to overcome, you should be fine. But, lets face it the more obstacles between you and the enemy will help you survive and avoid capture. So, be prepared to climb over fences, move up fire escapes, and leap over building tops because it will be handy. The bright side is that when zombies are gifted with speed and agility they are incredibly stupid. Therefore, feel free to put many obstacles between you and the zombies, maintain your fastest speed, and you will have ultimate success.

Keep close to fellow survivors
Keep close to fellow survivors | Source

Team Work Will Keep You Alive

Most likely you will find others who have evaded zombie attacks. Build a team with these people and watch after one another. This will be the best way to survive! After all " One fighter is good, but 5-10 is even better. " Take turns looking out, watch each other's backs, and solve your problems together to keep alive. I mean lets face the facts if you are all alone in a zombie apocalypse you maybe can avoid being eaten but you will die going f**king INSANE! Good example would be Will Smith in I am Legend! Come on guys he was talking to a plastic doll and his only companion was a DOG! So, keep other survivors close and make sure not to betray them.

Keep food supplies stocked
Keep food supplies stocked | Source

Make Sure Your Food Supply is Stocked in ADVANCE

Okay folks, there are zombies everywhere that crave your flesh do you really think a trip to a fast food restaurant for a burger is going to happen? I don't think so! Well if you plan on barricading yourself in your home then make sure to have food supplies stocked full in your home. Or if you plan on escaping to a near human survivor camp, then pack a book-bag full of on hand food. Those who do not plan ahead will never win in a situation where it's starvation or fighting zombies. Of course zombies will always win in that particular situation. One thing I don't understand is nowadays people say they have no time to cook so and that is why they head to a nearest fast food establishment. This is a complete lie folks. If I can make chicken and rice in twenty minutes then there is no excuse why you can't either. In fact, if you want to get ahead of the game cook food before the time comes and keep stocked.

The World Needs You
The World Needs You | Source

The Fate of Humanity Rests On Your Shoulders!

Indeed, if you are one of the last survivors it is up to you to continue the human species! No Pressure At All Right?! The most efficient way to stay alive is to stay in shape and keep on fighting zombies. Give yourself something to live for. Think of finding the survivor camp, other survivors, or how you helped preserve the human species. The next zombie will be the person with no hope or will to live. The fact is that there is always hope no matter how bad the situation may be. Keep in mind that you will overcome this disaster and you will survive thanks to this survival guide I am bestowing to you.

Dawn of The Dead

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    • kaiyan717 profile image

      kaiyan717 4 years ago from West Virginia

      Lol.

    • JulianaDragoness profile image
      Author

      Mariah Aiken 4 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      I can see your view point but one must ask " What if? "

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 4 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Haha!! Very funny and fun read. You put a lot of work into this too. Very good job, voted up, interesting, awesome, funny, and useful!!!

    • JulianaDragoness profile image
      Author

      Mariah Aiken 4 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      Thanks CrazedNovelist, I did put alot of work into this one! But thanks to resident evil movies and games it was a breeze. I appreciate the read and I look forward to you next hub. The Spanish lesson was awesome!

    • duffsmom profile image

      P. Thorpe Christiansen 4 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

      Fun! And good tips too. Well done.

    • kaiyan717 profile image

      kaiyan717 4 years ago from West Virginia

      I found it so funny because my family has been on a zombie kick for about a week, great timing. Voted up :)

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Great advice. Keep the preparedness high for the next zombie apocalypse. Don't become a statistic, of which there won't be any because zombies can't use Excel anyway.

    • profile image

      MobZombie 4 years ago

      I myself am not sure about this, Not for any other reason than it might kill me before the zombies get to me. I am not fat or lazy but way too out of shape to start a training and work out regimine. My best bet is tactical offense and defense. Use my mind for the edge and fight to stay alive while pushing myself beyond my boundries. Great piece my friend.

    • profile image

      Nightwolf2033 3 years ago

      Avoid large flap button pants when sliding acros the hood of the Toyota running from your town/city while thinking "there goes the neiborhood no here come the neiborhood"!

    • JulianaDragoness profile image
      Author

      Mariah Aiken 2 years ago from Moncks Corner, South Carolina

      exactly...lol...great tip!!!

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