Snow White - questions not asked of the original version.

WARNING: the following is not supposed to be taken seriously!

Mirror mirror on the wall. What? Who ever heard of a mirror that talked back at all?

Evil stepmothers apparently ask mirrors questions about who the fairest is but why on earth do you want to be the fairest? Can't you ask to be the sexiest instead or even the ugliest! Fair is just too cute. Don't you know the cuddly animals get all the bad attention - like penguins are the animal of choice in online games of violence - it's not ugly critters that get these problems.

When Snow White is put into a glass coffin supposedly dead after eating the poisoned apple - she is in their so long her body would have to start decomposing, it would just have to, wouldn't it? You can't possibly sleep that long without creatures thinking it's time to take bites out of you.

Studies show maggot larvae don't take long to start eating dead things (or things that sleep far too long?). In fact, forensic scientists even use this information to estimate time of death in murders and other cases.

Anyway, the Prince would have had to be pretty brave to kiss her lips after all that time because it would have been equivalent to a feast of maggots by the time he arrived on the scene! Either that or a dessicated skull.

Going on the former..let's imagine the Prince is in an episode of Fear Factor (the film crew thought it would be a great opportunity as Snow White would supply the maggots).

Now put your lips into a face full of maggots with your hands behind your back, Prince and...now see how many maggots you can pick up and put in the tray!

Go Prince you're up to 5 lbs of maggots. Well done, Suzie only got 4lbs so you've broken the record, dude. You've won $50,000! You've won Fear Factor.

Clap dwarfs!

How about the way Snow White is miraculously revived by the maggot-kissing Prince and I'm not talking about any metaphorical meanings here - not as if we have to see this as a sort of "awakening of spirit". That's too deep and meaningful for this silly hub, to see things that way so we wont here.

So she wakes up with a kiss and OFF(really off!) the Prince goes dragging her skeletal, partially decomposed, maggot-ridden body and I can imagine she says sheepishly to him:

"Sorry about the stench dear but I need to use the toilet really badly. Sorry. (again, just to show how subservient she can be)."

The white Horse is ready dear, jump up and I've got a lovely castle on the hill I inherited with the best most lovely toilet you can use while the sun is setting so lovely on the horizon.

Great darling, she says, saying goodbye to the dear dwarfs who she's cleaned house for for months being the dutiful,submissive domestic that she is.

And have they been grateful to her for this or just taken it all for granted as opposed to the evil stepmother who has never lifted a finger for anyone when it comes to housework or being submissive?

Now imagine Snow White jumps up on the white horse and feels a squishy feeling. Oh dear, she realizes she is wearing a diaper. What! Where did that come from?

Let's Imagine one of the dwarfs put that diaper on her surreptiously ,when none of the others were looking.

"Come on Snowy dear, put this diaper on dear, you can't be sleeping that long without getting up to go!"

This was very forward thinking but it must have been Dopey because he forgot to remind her to take it off again.

So she rides off into the distance with her Prince and they live Happily, Ever After as people always do after such things.