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Tears of Moonlight Part I : Story in Poem

Updated on July 7, 2017

Hello, Everyone! ^_^


I'm trying hard to work on my story, but ughhh! I found so many disabilities in my English and also not able to turned gestures into words yet. Oh, so hard for me! Maybe I need more English lesson to be able to write story in English.

Thinking this way, really make me feel angry. I have a story flooding in my mind now and I need to write it down or it will start making chaos in my head, but how to make it possible? All I have only conversations and no gestures at all! :( Hmmm...

Then, The Story Teller series gave me this idea. How if I try to write it down into series of poems? I'm not really sure how it will be, but I want to try. I need second opinion though! That is why, my fellow Hubbers, please help me to give me your honest review.

Can I write story in this way? Or is it good enough to become real project? Should I continue or it is about the time for me to swallow all my words and throw myself to nearest river? (Just kidding :D) Please! I really need your help.

Thank you very very very much!


My best regard,

Freya

First Time When I Saw You

I sat there alone, enjoying time of my own

Drawn to my drawing on this café’s precious napkins

Every design I made, only worth for myself

But in every paper I wrote, I make them run out the stock


So Jasmine came near and said,

“You tried to steal all of our napkins again, Aisha?”

As much as I knew how wrong what I do

Barely hard it’s feel to gave up on her caught


“Sorry.” I hope my guilty face smothering her heart

Worry, she will never allow me to come back and take apart

“We should start charging you for those napkins from now on.” She said

Oh, how cruel it could be, I replied to her cutely


Jasmine is my roommate and child’s time friend

Spent time with me more than my family

Her face might be poker but her heart is Joker

I know surely she will always become my ally


And there it is, her smile for my rubbish





Later she gave me another napkin

Confuse I nodded to the holder in the table

“You just mocked me to used your napkins

Isn’t it odd to give me some more when it is still many being holding in there?”


She took a sigh and spread the napkin in my hand

Let it came to sight what hidden before hand

There is a letter written in middle

Not make me feel better and caused me caught in the riddle


“Dear my lady, it is the third times I see

You in that seat make me hard to barely breathe

If once is coincident, second can be accident

But when it comes for the third times I have to made my mind

I thought it is fate so I want to bet

May I come near and introduce myself? “


Jasmine pointed to the place where he sat

My eyes caught by the anticipated smile that he had

He is stand and walked, come closely to the table where I sat

Somehow I feel I’m about to hide


“Sallam.” he said with gentle voice

“Sallam.” I answered sound stuttered

“May I sit here and introduce myself?”

May I run away and never coming back?


Here in me, my heart start beating like crazy

The heat stroke my face I’m sure it already blushing

But he already there, sat in front of me

Noticed how my knees is melted, I’m barely couldn’t able to spoke anything


Oh God, how beautiful your creation is

Curly hair, fair skin and sweet lips to kiss

His tall and slim figure caught every women eye in that room surely

But His deep golden eyes only gaze on me intentionally


I feel drown in it

Barely hard to breath

Questioning on my heartbeat

Why chose that time to acted very weird?

He just sat there and smiles, caused me melted and then dried


Comments

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  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    7 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    My heart seem do not know when I am ready. I have 9 chapters of novel I did kept unfinished for 12 years. 12 years is too long, but every time I look at those chapters I did wrote, I felt so confused about how I could wrote those before and where that story hidden now. Is it still inside my head, or is it already gone somewhere? Hhhh... Silly me. Ah, I am ranting again :D. Hehehe...

  • profile image

    ahorseback 

    7 years ago

    I find that the right mood comes along some days and others , it seems lost and irretrievable , you will find it and it will be great. When your heart is ready! Good luck . Peace.

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    7 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Ahorseback, Thank you very much for the compliment. actually this is my "old and seem never ending" project. It's been several months now but I couldn't able to find my rhythm at all to finish this series. Ah, so sad :(. Unique style will be useless if I am lack of inspiration right now. Ah, Muse! Where he run away? Hiks....

    Eiddwen : Ah, thank you, Eiddwen. That really sweet of you. Thank you. :)

  • Eiddwen profile image

    Eiddwen 

    7 years ago from Wales

    This si a brilliant way to tell your story. You breathed life into your words. Take care and God Bless Freya.

  • profile image

    ahorseback 

    7 years ago

    Freya , I can tell that you have a wonderful heart, and a unique style of thinking and writing. There is no better person than one who has a good concience.Thank you for sharing our beautiful story wih us. I could see the story happening!

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    God bless you too, King Micky!

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    8 years ago

    Oh Freya you are a Dear Heart! God bless you!

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Hehehe... They surely will never listen to you, dear, because hard to slow down on love at first sight! And I am very sure even Jasmine will give Aisha more napkins, her boss maybe will start taking his part on this and kick both of them out from the Cafe. LOL.

    Thank you for reading this, Nellieanna. :)

  • Nellieanna profile image

    Nellieanna Hay 

    8 years ago from TEXAS

    I wanted at times to say "whoa" - slow down. LOL but I must confess I loved it and was caught up in the story and your "visuals" are so good. I could just see that napkin holder sitting there and Jasmine teasing you by bringing you more napkins, surely to assure you that it was OK to use them as you were.

    Good for you!

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Ah, Al, I'm always your fan. ^_^ Ok, I will ask you first if I get another jam later. :D

    It is my trial and error, and yes, there will be several problems to make it stay beautiful and worth to read, but I want to try. Insha Allah, it will end beautiful.

    Thank you, Al.

    You are so kind to me and I'm so glad to hear from you. \^o^/

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    TruthSeaker, Insha Allah, your wish will come true.

    Love is greatest gift if it is happen inside marriage, because partner in life is our gift that Allah had plan for us to have, to become our oase in life. When the time is come for you to have that greatest gift, you will be feel that love is blessing.

    But if you still single right now, just like me, indeed, love is a game that we should not let ourself being drift away by it, because it is dangerous.

    I know this, but still, I can't help myself to not fall in love and taste the pain of it. But I thought, as long as I still put my determination to Allah more than anything, I will be fine. ^_^

    Your love poems, don't just hide it. Share with us. Ok?

  • Mystique1957 profile image

    Mystique1957 

    8 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

    My dearest Freya...

    The idea is so beautiful, so different! There can be some minor adjustments, but it is a very original way of saying it! And you didn`t even ask my help! Bad sister! You do not want to be my fan anymore?????

    Thumbs up!

    Greatest regards and infinite eternal blessings,

    Al

  • TruthSeaker profile image

    TruthSeaker 

    8 years ago

    I actually still have a bunch of poems in romance and love, but I see them differently as I used to see them

    As you said I see no one worth of loving at the moment, and my deepest wish though I am failing to do, is to not love this world and love the next.

    As for this world it has led many of us into nothing but a long sleep, that has become pleasurable to many, to the extent that we have come to believe that we have awaken and seen its reality, when we are still in nothing but one of its dreams.

    The Prophet (SAW) once said:

    " People are sleeping, only when they die do they wake up - when its too late".

    May we Love those who have faith and Love the One who guides all to faith, and may we also be comforted with spouse of faith in this life, but to an extent were we drift not off the love of the Guide.

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Not a big fan of love and romance topics anymore? Hehehe...

    I'm still big fan of love. But the best love I want of course, more than anything else is Allah's love only.

    I'm still big fan of romance. But the only romance I want is with my future husband only.

    This story should tell you about this kind of love later, but I still have so many work to do, so pray for me?

    Of course I love to have assistance. Thank you for your kindness, bro.

  • TruthSeaker profile image

    TruthSeaker 

    8 years ago

    Although I am not a big fan of love and romance topics anymore, I think you did a pretty good job :)

    I write in this style to, I made a poem like this with two people talking to one another, If you need any assistance am here

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Ah G Miah, you make my confidence grow bigger. Thank you. ^_^

    Insha Allah, I will manage to finish this in beautiful way.

    Thank you, Bro.

  • G Miah profile image

    Gous Ahmed 

    8 years ago from Muslim Nation

    That was really good Freya, but i wanted more!

    Your descriptions are excellent, and the style you use is brilliant. Make them longer if you can. Good story.

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Hi, Nell. Thank you very very much to read this and answering my Poll. Thank you. I will keep writing it then. So glad to heard it from you.

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 

    8 years ago from England

    Hiya, well, I just wanted to say I loved it. It had so many lines that caught my eye, and wanted to keep reading. You already write very good English. Loved it. cheers nell

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Hi, Micky, I'm Angel! Freya take the day off so he can riding a bike. She said she want to joint your team and that's why she need to practice first! ^_^

    Ah, that so sweet of you, but love not enough to make people read my book later. I'm glad you like it. ^_^

    I'm describing Asian Jude Law. Hahaha!

    Hundred years, old, cranky and balding? Sound like my next hero. Maybe I'll write something about you next. ^_^

    Thank you, Micky.

  • Micky Dee profile image

    Micky Dee 

    8 years ago

    Is this Freya? You don't look like Freya.

    So many love you that there will be so many to read your work- no matter what. But- this is very good. You know- the man you're describing is a lot like me. I thought you were describing me! (actually -no- I'm hundreds of years old, cranky, balding -and these are my good points!)

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Really? So, can I continue, carolina?

  • carolina muscle profile image

    carolina muscle 

    8 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

    I love it.. this is a perfectly fine way to express yourself.

  • Freya Cesare profile imageAUTHOR

    Freya Cesare 

    8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

    Thank you, dear. Of course I will take your offer, teach me please! ^_^

    Salam, Polar Bear.

  • Mr. Story Teller profile image

    Mr. Story Teller 

    8 years ago from United stated

    I love this style for telling stories, however I think it would be best for short stories and not whole novels. Ira you are a great writer, and maybe you are limited now but inshaa Allah you will be better in no time. I offered to teach you English yet you have yet to take my offer. It maybe a lot of work at first but you will get it quickly you already have a great start and you are very intelligent. Salam for now my dear.

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