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RALWUS TRIBUTE: Charlie, You Bastard!

Updated on March 5, 2012

By: Wayne Brown

As weird as it might sound, this is my tribute to my friend, Charlie Campbell aka ralwus. He likes it!  Workin’ my little fingers to bone writin' hubs

Tryin' to keep up with Charlie Campbell

Known as the infamous poet, ralwus,

The babe monger with the purple lizard

He cranks 'em out two, three at a time

Twisting words, using sex, talking crap

Makin' me sleep with his women

The bastard's mind never ceases to create

That bastard Charlie, livin’ in my head

There's nothing sacred in his woeful odes

He talks of parrots, crap, sex, and bullshit

He creates temperature inversions in my brain

Some days, it’s hours to the clear the fog.

Charlie, the bastard, has screwed my mind.

I love his sensual innuendoes

especially with all the pictures

He writes of legs, thighs, hips, and tits

He makes me absolutely dizzy with all it

I wonder 'where was I when he did that'

Most likely immersed in brandy

Suckin’ a cigar

Charlie, that bastard, has all the fun

Charlie, the bastard, his words flow

Run like silk from the spider's ass

Mine hang like molasses

Stiff on a cold Vermont morning

Charlie, that bastard!

He can write poetry while tweaking his balls

Crap! I can't write and scratch at all.

My desire to be like Charlie

Why it’s just a friggin’ dream

I'll never be a poet;

Nobody wants to unravel my think

The girls just swoon on Charlie's stuff

Charlie, you bastard,

let those women go!

The more I work to be like him

the more I understand

Sane men like me are not poets

You have to be a little bit crazy

Something akin to an outhouse rat

Charlie’s already arrived there

I don't know where I'm at.

Charlie, that bastard!

© Copyright WBrown2010. All Rights Reserved.


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    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      7 years ago from Texas

      @Peggy W...Charlie sends word that he has been watching some of us from the shadows. I hear he is around on Facebook at times but I have not had an opportunity to talk with him since he left. Try saddlerider1 and see if he can make the connection. I agree with you...there's no one quite like Charlie and I do miss him here on the hub. WB

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      It would seem as though you are having some fun with our pal Charlie (aka ralwus) in less! I was wondering what had become of him. Hope he is fighting the good fight as others have mentioned. There is no one quite like him!

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      7 years ago from Texas

      @Shitinski...Thank you so much...I miss you greatly....need leadership. Hope all is well down at Leroy's. WB

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      you can say hellow to me yerself old man. still lovin' y'all but can't come back. yer doin' fine Wayne Brown, keep writin'. sent a bee yer way. LOL

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      7 years ago from Texas

      @saddlerider1...Thanks Ken...hello to Charlie for me! WB

      @Dim Flaxenwick....Thank you...I appreciate the kind words. WB

      @Poohgranma...Such kind words of encouragement...thank you very much! WB

      @Beth100...That encouragement will keep me writing a few more! WB

    • Beth100 profile image


      7 years ago from Canada

      Ah, yes! I miss our Charlie... haven't been feeling the same since he left. Big footsteps to fill, but you're a brilliant poet too. Never mind filling his footsteps... you're marching to your own beat!

    • Poohgranma profile image


      7 years ago from On the edge

      A perfect tribute. Charlie is one of a kind and so are you, each in your own ways. I find you both just delightful as people and writers!

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 

      7 years ago from Great Britain

      Very funny.... l can´t walk and chew gum at the same time....

    • saddlerider1 profile image


      7 years ago

      Yes Wayne very well done, I enjoyed the read many months ago. And yes he sure got you started in Poetry and you haven't stopped since. I shared this Hub a few minutes ago with the hope he would read it and come back to us. He is missed, I loved his style, it was the type of poetry that stuck with you after reading it. I hope he is well and fighting the good fight.

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      7 years ago from Texas

      @suziecat7....I wrote this as one of my early poems. I really admired Charlie's ability with poetry and actually did my poems tongue-in-cheek to honor him. He helped a lot and played along as well. I miss him dearly. I have him to thank for getting me into the poetry genre. WB

    • suziecat7 profile image


      7 years ago from Asheville, NC

      Oh, I almost missed this. Ralwus is brilliant and so is this Hub. Loved it!

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      8 years ago from Texas

      @Freya Cesare...It's a stupid American method, we do it in a backhanded sort of way! But only with folks who truly understand us! Maybe I should offer up a hub on the technique! LOL! WB

    • Freya Cesare profile image

      Freya Cesare 

      8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

      Duh, Sir. I never seen any kind of compliments like you wrote in here. Dangerous! Dangerous! Both of you ruin my understanding about how to compliment people! lol

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      8 years ago from Texas

      @ k@ri...Thank you for the read. I do not know if you are a fan of Charlie's (ralwus). If not you should be. We have been hub friends for a while. Charlie is just an outstanding poet and I just limp along but we keep up some good natured banter with each other that entertains the fans. I have a few others (ralwus writings, Cowtown Charlie, and Charlie's Woman). We have also collaborated on a couple that are posted on my site. Thank you for stopping by and thanks much for those words of encouragement! WB

    • k@ri profile image

      Kari Poulsen 

      8 years ago from Ohio

      Seems you know Charlie pretty well. :D This is one of the most enjoyable pieces of prose I've read in a while. It gave me a great laugh. {Hi CC!}

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      8 years ago from Arizona

      Ah the start of the party! I'll get caught up soon. mean while all ye all has got a looker screaming "push" better make like the fireman and put out the flame, 50

    • saddlerider1 profile image


      8 years ago

      Okay the duel is on and the swords are sharp. The joust has begun, frolic my good men and have your way with each other in verse. It delights and excites and challenges. I sit delighted in the company of Wayne and Charlie, entertain us all with your slick tongues and woven words. Very well done my friend, I was pleasantly surprised you have joined the Poet's society.

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      8 years ago from Texas

      There's no where to go but up from here, Laura!

    • lalesu profile image


      8 years ago from south of the Mason-Dixon

      Onward, men! Push, and keep me entertained!

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      8 years ago from Texas

      Lorlie, I wrote this one for Charlie and sent it to him via email. He came back and insisted that he was flattered and wanted me to publish it. He also label me as a "worm"! I think he got a chuckle out of it and he will get some good-natured ribbing that he also enjoys. God help me anybody reading it that does not know him or me...I'll probably get flagged! Thanks for your kind words. Poetry has not been a strength for me so I am pushing myself to attempt. WB

    • lorlie6 profile image

      Laurel Rogers 

      8 years ago from Bishop, Ca

      You certainly showed CC up with this one, Wayne! And your poetry rocks, dear sir.

      PS: Thanks for leaving in the dirty words.

    • Wayne Brown profile imageAUTHOR

      Wayne Brown 

      8 years ago from Texas

      I was thinkin' "more like a woodpecker with rubber lips!" Thanks, Charlie!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Alright Worm. Do it now. You're like a one eyed duck without a quack. Is that what you mean? LOL


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