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THE SOCK REVOLUTION
I AM BACK
I am back, and I am standing up here on the edge of this hub. Yes, you can cling to the edge of a hub, just like you can cling to that rib that runs along the edge of a mattress when you’re doing your best to give your sweetie pie the cold shoulder. Cold shoulder? Come on, COLD BODY! Anywho, it’s amazing that we can actually defy gravity by clinging to that mattress rib. And so here I am, clinging to the edge of this hub, bowing, and accepting all of your applause that I am back!
Well, you’re right. I don’t hear any applause either, but I just assume that’s because I don’t hear much of anything these days, and yes, I am talking about old people all the time forgetting that yes, sometimes I am the oldest person in the room, and yes, it depends, but NO depends here, yet! I’m still just plain dribbling here and there because I don’t want every step I take to have that crinkling and cracking sound as if I’m wearing crepe paper underwear.
I have been focusing (and believe me, that is difficult to do these days) on any number of projects including an all day laughter workshop which I facilitated on March 03. Laughter is unbelievable. The workshop started at 8:30 in the morning and by 2 p. m., we were all physically exhausted from laughing and laughing and laughing. Some people had actually laughed their butts off and looked pretty funny trying to walk out of the conference room with no butts. There was no butts about it, literally! Hey, come on, give me a break here. Gotta take advantage of every opportunity to get a little laugh, right? No butts about it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on, crack a smile. Get a life!
With all the detours in my life recently, your hubs and creating new hubs were put on hold, and I have some catching up to do in reading many of your hubs. I humbly apologize for not being there to support you in recent weeks. Something inside of me says to forget about trying to catch up, just jump back on board at this moment or else I’ll keep missing today’s train!
I love to laugh, so I thought I would reintroduce my presence here by making you laugh or boo or hiss as the case may be. It is ALL good!
So what is the deal with jokes? Are they copyrighted and how do you know? So can I share a joke I heard when I was preparing my laughter workshop, and soliciting jokes from my friends? Well, I guess I will find out. The Hub pages own version of the Adjustment Bureau will let me know, I am sure. And by the way, I liked that movie, Adjustment Bureau.
So this truck driver from Oklahoma pulls into one of those “houses” in Vegas and slaps down 500 dollars and asks for a bologna sandwich and the ugliest woman available. The “receptionist” says, “For that kind of money, you can have a high class call girl.”
He responds, “I didn’t say I was horny. I’m just homesick.”
Then there is the joke about the man trying to board an airplane. One of the groups at the laughter workshop downloaded this from the internet in an attempt to win the funniest joke contest.
So this man, wearing a trench coat, approaches the boarding gate for his flight, opens his trench coat and flashes the woman collecting tickets. She says, “I need your ticket, sir, not your stub.” Oh for crying out loud, LAUGH!
So, I also thought I would bring you an update on my missing sock. You probably don’t remember, but you can fill in the blanks if necessary by checking out my hub from December 12, 2010. http://hubpages.com/hub/MY-THIRTY-MINUTE-HUB
Anywho, my missing sock has sent me pictures of itself. I interpret that as a kind of defiance, like the Boston Tea Party. Well, It(?), my sock) has an Impersonating Elvis act that is footlining in Vegas. The reviews say the act is knocking everyone’s socks off. The sock revolution is in full swing. I have a hunch that this uprising story may eventually take over the front page of what is left of newspapers. I mean when was the last time you saw hundreds of people leaving a Vegas show with no socks on? When was the last time you saw a highway closed because of a sock pride parade?
You know every revolution has its seeds, its beginnings, in events long before the actual uprising, and I think perhaps the sock revolution goes back to Laugh In. I know, some of you are too young to remember Laugh In, but they made popular the phrase, “Sock it to me.”
But as I did a little more research, I found a little known Scripture from the Dead Sea Scrolls. This passage describes God actually working, well creating, on the eighth day. Yes, on the eighth day, God created socks! And as always, God said, “This is so good!” God is also quoted as saying, “You will clothe the feet of the rich and the poor. Someday, you will all walk the earth and lay bear the feet that have tried to crush you.” So here it is, folks. Pay attention. Notice how many socks keep missing from your drawers each day. Notice how many socks are disappearing out of the washing machine and dryer. I think they are fed up. I think socks are letting us know that our feet stink. Yep, OUR feet stink. It is the single most contributor to stinking thinking and the disappearance of the ozone layer.
I am actually collecting money to further the sock cause. All donations will be accepted. You can send them directly to me at P. O. Box 48, Yucaipa, CA 92399. Try sending cash! Or money orders. No checks. Make money orders payable to Vernon Bradley. Hey, come on. Where else would you send such a donation? I’m helping you out here. Making it easy for you to support a worthwhile cause. Don’t frown at me. Don’t be a heel. Have some sole. Have a little elasticity here. Get with the program. If you were alive in 1776, you would have appreciated support, right? Don’t get into your stinking feet syndrome. Be grateful that the socks are no longer willing to cover up your nasty tracks, your deformities, your little piggies, your cracked soles, your festering heals, your bunions. Clean up your act, well, your feet, for crying out loud and donate today. Support Hose has a whole new meaning now.
By the way, what is a bunion? Seems like a combination of an onion and bun. So is that like someone with stinky breath and a fat butt? Just wondering. Bunions look pretty weird! But here’s the deal. Your socks are tired of covering them up! The cover up is over. Deal with it!
I found this document in my dryer yesterday. The socks had all disappeared. So I am assuming they were working on this document while spinning in the dryer. When they made their getaway, they left the document behind, perhaps by mistake or perhaps they want the word to get out. It appears they are working on their very own Declaration Of Independence.
Here’s what the document said. It is obviously incomplete.
When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one group to wash itself of the political bands which have connected them with human feet, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them as socks, a decent respect to the opinions of all creation requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We, the socks of the earth, hold these truths to be self-evident, that all socks are created to be independent, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, socks have the right to abolish their traditional place of being stepped on, subjected to the lowest form of subjugation, to be trounced upon underfoot, and to institute a Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Traditions long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that socks have suffered long enough, that a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Despotism and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these socks for generations. It is now time to declare our independence. Accordingly, May 4th of this year will be declared SocK Independence Day.
I was wondering, myself, what the significance of May 4th is, and maybe that is the point. It has no significance at this point in time, so it is ripe and ready to have significance.
You know there is precedence with this sock deal. I mean there are two major league baseball teams named after socks. The White Socks and the Red Socks! And interestingly enough the names were chosen long before communism was an issue. So don’t be surprised if, in the coming days and weeks, leading up to May 4th, it becomes impossible to find your own socks, let along buy new ones. I think the end of wearing socks on our feet is imminent. What is scary is that one revolution often leads to another and pretty soon, shoes will be rebelling and then underwear. You know none of us like to kiss someone’s arse, so we should be quite sympathetic to the Jockey and Hanes revolution.
I feel somewhat disrespectful being humorous when there is so much calamity occurring in our world today. So I pause my laughter for a moment of silence, a moment of gratitude, that for some perhaps mysterious reason, I have been spared earthquake, tsunami, exposure to radiation, and all the other international disasters that one by one fall to the back page after a few days. I have never understood how it works, and I am not even sure what the “it” is. I am happy that I can laugh and hope I can continue to laugh even when disaster strikes. Laughter is often what pulls us through and sustains our hope in the goodness of the universe and the goodness of people and the goodness of God. Perhaps evil, in and of itself, does not really exist. Perhaps it is our own invention to make sense out of our own stubbornness to move with the events of life we do not understand, or think, somewhat grandiosely, that we do not deserve. Well, yes, all of a sudden we are getting serious here! Hey, if it is too much for you, look in the mirror and have a good laugh. Look at your backside and notice that part of you is an a**hole, and that is really a good thing. It has a purpose, as long as when you look at your back side that is not all that you see. When that happens, yes, you are in trouble.
Looking forward to your comments and looking forward to posting another hub soon.
Thanks for reading and commenting.