The Suns Lullaby

The sun stares down at me as I lie in the bottom of the boat. The cloudless sky around her is as blue as the reflection of my eyes that stare back at me in mirrors.

I look around, but all I can see is the insides of my little aluminum boat. I can hear the water gently lapping at its sides. I know that the shore is nearby-I can hear the small waves washing over the sand. I can hear the sound of people laughing and cheerfully talking.

If only I could rise, I might be able to draw their attention; they might see me.

I try to call out, but even now my voice betrays me. I can only lay here and watch the sun.

You never realize just how much you can feel the beating of your heart and the flowing of your life's blood through your veins, artery's, and every tiny capillary...until it stops!

There was pain at first; tremendous pain, but now there is only a void, a numbness, a complete relaxation.

I never comprehended what this moment would feel like. I never realized the amount of time that I would have to think, to contemplate, to see.

And now I wish that I could see more.

I look once again at the sun, and her face changes. I see instead the faces of my children, my family, my friends, and my beautiful wife.

Suddenly I see...memories, pictures that my mind provides; colors, shapes, past homes, possessions, flowers, rainbows, toys that I had long ago forgotten.

my concern now is not for myself, but for those I love; how they will hurt, how they will mourn.

Oh, how I wish that I could see them one more time.

To touch them...

Tell them I love them...

To say goodbye.

At least I have the sun with me now. I am not alone. Inside, I smile to her, touch her, and tell her I love her.

I know she understands.

Goodbye sun.

The gentle waves calm me. They rock me to sleep.