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Short Story Response to a Challenge: The Wind Was Circling - an Alternative Ending to Frank Antanacio's Story

Updated on August 17, 2018
annart profile image

Ann loves to write stories & poems & is always eager to meet challenges issued by other hubbers or herself, to exceed her comfort zone.

Source

Frank Antanacio's Challenge

This is a response to the challenge from frankatanacio, as seen below:

"I Challenge you

Several emails I've received prompted me into creating another chapter for Jenny Camacho. So I did it again. I kept her running. What I want you to do if you're up for the challenge is to create either her demise or her rescue... Do you have it in you? Sandcastles? Faith? Genna East... well do you punks? Go ahead make my day..LOL I like to include your endings as alternate endings for Jenny Camacho. So there would be a few rules...

1) Min.. 300 words

2) More description and less dialogue

3) dark and dreary..

4) creative/ The title must come from a line in the story

5)an ending to end all endings..."


A Spur to Writing

Writing challenges set by hubbers are such a good thing. They dare us to respond, they make us think along specific lines.

This one makes us take a line from the original. That's a great idea as it makes us think in different directions; we have so much to choose from.

I chose the wind for my viewpoint, a destructive element but also useful. The trees in Frank's story are the enemy and the wind can conquer trees, so my train of thought began....

Jenny was left screaming in the forest, just about ready to give up, give in. Screaming is energy, there is always an equal and opposite energy, so she conjured up the wind.

Therefore these words from the story are my title: 'The wind was circling (her)'


The Wind was Circling

Jenny’s screams stopped abruptly. She had caught a movement to her right. She heard a crack of twig, a swish of branch. Her nostrils filled with acid pine scent, rotting leaves in mud, undertones of blood and death. Had he caught up with her? Was this the end? Would this malevolence envelop her, destroy her?


Air-borne

No! No! Gone was the feeling that she could run no more. Up and away with air-borne, turbo speed, she covered metres with each bound. A whisper of air pushed the leaves, then a stronger current bent branches, began to beat the trees into a frenzy. Were they losing control?

In dreams she’d flown as a gazelle barely above the earth but free of undergrowth to trip her. Now she was that gazelle; she was a creature of the forest who still had the spirit to flee, still had the breeze to propel her, higher and higher.


Source

Fear & Despair; Jump to Death?

Dank, twisted, hostile trees sent out arms to pull her back, trap her, prevent escape, block the light. Scratching fingers scarred her cheeks. Roots turned upward to grasp her ankles, pull her into the rotten earth, suffocate her, squeeze out her life. She fought the fear, the despair, the fetid breath of death around her.

Jenny galloped until her lungs ached. As she thought they would burst, that all was lost, that giving up was indeed all she could do, she reached the forest boundary. She stopped with animal precision before a wide strip of grass. Beyond her nothing but sky, clouds, air, stunning silence and painful glare. The land dropped off sheer, into nothing. Trapped, murder and misery behind her or certain sudden death before.


Source

Outcast

One solitary tree remained apart from the forest. Its branches waved frantically, the wind even stronger here beyond the forest. Trying to frighten her, waving her forward?

The air was turning, a twister formed, brooked no resistance. It ripped up the tree, picked up Jenny, ragged and limp from her ordeal, from her last dash for freedom. She took one last leap, the tree enveloped her, together they met the air beyond the cliff.


Source

Freefall

The wind was circling, whisking them, round and down, round and down. Jenny and the tree in freefall. The branches held her in their grip. She struggled, then gave in. Why bother? She would die when ground met body; those last few inches were the crunch.

The tree dug in, the branches swooped to meet the earth. At the same time, they released Jenny, a new leaf brushed her cheek. Jenny and the one renegade tree were safe... unless the forest grasped the cliff and made its way down.


Writing Challenges

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© 2014 Ann Carr

Comments

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    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Well, thank you kindly WillStarr! I enjoyed your version too. All the best. Ann

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Excellent! Several of us took a crack at concluding this little story, and your effort is superb.

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      DDE: Thank you so much for such a wonderful comment; you've made my day! Glad you liked the story. I loved the challenge of writing it too. It was something a little different from my usual 'stuff'! Ann

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      THE WIND WAS CIRCLING - An Alternative Ending to Frank Antanacio's Story is a beautifully presented hub and a well told story. The photos are awesome.You have a special way of writing.

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Thanks for stopping by Colleen. I've always had a great affinity to trees so I had to make at least one a 'goodie'! I appreciate you commenting. Ann

    • Colleen Swan profile image

      Colleen Swan 

      4 years ago from County Durham

      Lovely. When I was a child, trees scared me more than grownups.

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Thank you so much Eddy. You could still have a go - why not?!

      Wishing you a good day (or should I say evening?) too. Ann

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 

      4 years ago from Wales

      Another wonderful hub in this series Ann; as always I missed out but vow to take up a challenge one of these days. Voting this one up and wishing you a great day.

      Eddy.

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Thank you Faith. I'm glad the energy angle was evident; that's what I was trying to convey. It's always lovely to hear from you. You are so positive and uplifting and I'm flattered that one of the greats on hubpages is reading my hubs. Ann

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Thank you Genna. I greatly appreciate your kind comment. Ann

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      4 years ago from southern USA

      Wow, great write here! Loved your thoughts on energy and the wind and trees. I enjoyed reading your alternate ending very much!

      Up and more and sharing.

      Blessings,

      Faith Reaper

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      A truly amazing and creative ending, Ann, beautifully written! :-)

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Love the comment, Gypsy Rose Lee! Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to give me some feedback. Glad you enjoyed it. Ann

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Absolutely awesome! The wind just swept me away.

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      What a lovely comment, Frank. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you liked this but then it was your inspiration that created it! Thanks, too, for the link. Ann

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      4 years ago from Shelton

      You've also hit the mark.. bringing Jenny into your ending was intelligent..I loved it.. the fantasy, the Wizard of Qzzy..spin, yeah that was great.. I will add the link to the others tonight :) thank you for your adventure :)

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      always exploring: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a wonderful comment. Ann

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Awesome! This blew me away. ( no pun intended. ) Really this was an exciting adventure. Thank you...

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Tobusiness: Thanks for your great comment! I enjoyed playing with this one and I love being part of such a superb challenge. Have a lovely day! Ann

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      What a lovely comment, Perspycacious! 'Bright gift'; I'm happy indeed to accept such a present and to do my best with it. I hope you enjoy your day. Ann

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Hi Jodah! A few seemed to have used the earth/trees element; I have a thing about trees, fuelled by stories like the Narnia series amongst others, and I feel nature plays a huge part in our lives so in that sense it's alive to us and our feelings. Thanks for the visit this morning; greatly appreciated. Ann

    • annart profile imageAUTHOR

      Ann Carr 

      4 years ago from SW England

      Thank you, bill. I find it easier with a 'prompt' probably because I'm not someone who can easily conjure ideas from nothing. Good to see you this morning! Ann

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      This was such a great challenge and you met it well. I agree, these challenges are great for the community. Well done, Ann!

      bill

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Great stuff Ann. You really put your own unique spin on this ending. It was good to see your take was a little along the lines of my own ending, with a fantasy element in regard to the trees. Voted up.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      4 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Creativity is a bright gift of our Creator.

    • profile image

      Tobusiness 

      4 years ago

      Ann, awesome! You were very creative, this ending is a little differen, a jolly good read, well done.

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