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TIS THE SEASON TO BE HAPPY - And Hurting too at Christmas

Updated on December 11, 2012

And so it goes.....

Those of you who are close to me know that the holidays are never easy. Although I enjoy all of the amazing moments with my children and close family members, there is always that part of me that still grieves. Losing loved one's never gets easier especially during the holidays.

So I thought I would write this for a few people very special to me who are going through these emotions right now as we get closer to the holiday. I hope by doing this I can help others get through this hard time during the holiday season. I lost my father and grandmother about 12 years ago now. Hard to believe that it has been so long already. My father passed at Thanksgiving and my grandmother went into the hospital on New Years day and then passed 5 days later. Topped off with the fact that my mother died when I was a child and her birthday is near Christmas also, I just can't win. I'm also reminded of my first marriage since I got married on that day too when I was only 24 years old as a dedication to my deceased mother. Not a good idea when you get divorced. Sure time has passed but I am one of those people that always remembers certain dates. I am known to surprise people many years later with this fact. They are always surprised by how much I actually remember. I basically call it "mind snap shots" that are filed in my head and appear when a certain date arrives. It actually means a lot to me when others remember dates just as well as I can.


Traditions....

The hardest part for people including myself are the traditions we shared with family members that we held very dear in our childhoods until we lost them. Life was always busy, but during the holidays everything would stop for "traditions!" So what I decided to do was to create new one's and I still make a point to try not to repeat certain things that may make me sad. I usually try to make it an extra happy occasion for myself and my children. Ofcourse they never have a clue when I am missing my father or my grandmother. I do tell them funny stories sometimes that I experienced with these family members. The kids seem to enjoy it when I light up as I tell these funny and entertaining stories from the past. To bring me a sort of comfort I often use dishes that I have kept of theirs or little reminders around the house. An ornament or their photo is displayed for mostly me to see. It sort of makes me feel like they are there with me and it brings me a sense of calm. I think the worst thing a person can do is avoid any way of being "reminded" of them. The feelings never go away but over time it gets a lot easier. As you create new experiences and new life stories the old one's seem to stay but they just add to the new adventure! The pain and hurt gets less and less and you begin to understand that life is about "living" and making things positive for yourself and those around you.

Think of the people you love right now

Even though we miss our loved one's dearly I always decide to take extra care of the one's I love especially during the holiday season. And by focusing on the one's I love who are present and very much alive, I make sure that they are well cared for and this makes me happy. Don't forget that healthy food, good rest and lots of family fun are the best way to keep your loved one's healthy. Try to celebrate life if you can and create a way to nurture this part of you by giving love to others. This I feel is the best way to deal with the grieving and the missing of loved one's at this time. Remember, the more you give the more you bring happiness to others around you. I know when I do extra special things for people that it creates some sort of healing for everyone involved cause it comes from a very loving and giving place. So remember try to include family members in some way even if you don't like them very much! It would still be nice to send a card or a little something in the mail. Never expect anything in return and just feel good about the fact that you created some sort of "nice festive feeling." Eventually the "nice" part gets better and better. Trust me.

Happy Holidays, G


COPYRIGHT 2010-2011

Hub Pages Author - GPAGE

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    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      Happyboomernurse...So nice to see you here. What I have always learned is the best way to fill a place of great loss is to fill it up with love. So I feel that giving is LOVE in all different ways. It makes us see that the one's around us also give to us in many different ways. Yes, I will always miss my loved one's but now I celebrate them in little ways. This brings me great joy. Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      drbj...I have this one photo framed of my grandmother with the biggest smile on her face in a spot that I always pass by. It always reminds me of her great laugh and her amazing spirit! It lifts my mood every time I pass. This I feel is very nurturing cause it reminds me of the best times we shared together.....Have a lovely holiday!....G

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      romari...I'm so sorry for your loss. Just hold them close to your heart. It will get easier in time. Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      mljdgulley354 ...Thank you for being here. Have a lovely Christmas! Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      RV...Thank you again for your lovely comment. I think it never gets easier, but adding nice thoughts to those moments that we miss them the most can make it a bit better for us who are still here.....Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR

      GPAGE 

      6 years ago from California

      litsabd...Thanks for stopping by. I say LIVE and be MERRY. Enjoy life now.....Best, GPAGE

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 

      6 years ago from South Carolina

      Thank you for sharing this compassionate hub that's filled with practical ways to honor deceased loved ones during the holidays and to get through the holidays when those inevitable moments of grief appear.

      The thing I liked most about this hub is that you gently told the truth - that deceased loved ones will always be missed, especially during holidays, but you also gave the reader hope that the sharpness of grief can be mitigated through the passage of time and through focusing on giving of oneself to loved ones who are still living.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      6 years ago from south Florida

      I do agree with you, GPAGE. Having reminders around of those you have loved and lost because they passed on, is a positive remembrance, not a negative one. Thanks for reminding me.

    • romari profile image

      Rose Maria Rica D. Fuentes 

      6 years ago from Heaven

      thanks for your hub.. my 2011 Christmas is gonna be SAD because this is my first Christmas to spend without my grandmother and my mom.. they all went to heaven..

    • mljdgulley354 profile image

      mljdgulley354 

      6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing these thoughts and insights. Merry Christmas

    • RVDaniels profile image

      RVDaniels 

      6 years ago from Athens, GA

      You have an amazing empathy. Thank you for sharing this with me. It was beautiful and touching, missing the ones we love is never easy, just bearable.

    • litsabd profile image

      litsabd 

      6 years ago

      It's true that sometimes time seems to just freeze for us in sad points we would be better off remembering. But since life goes on and we are still here, we can make it worth living. It's a play anyway, which we have to try to play it the best we can, It's only once! Thanks for sharing.

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