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Taking all my teenage dreams away...

Updated on June 1, 2012

All I ever wanted was to know that I was really alive.

When I was a boy, say, 10 years old, my mother sent me off to grade school, told me to behave.

The introduction paper was standard 4th grade material. It asked me what my name was, if I had any pets, and what I wanted to be when I grew up.


Yes. Cat. Fluffy.

Change the world.

Apparently the last answer was somewhat controversial.

I heard the same answers from all the other children. Policeman, Firefighter, Spice Girl, WWF superstar.

I didn't really know who or what I wanted to be, it seemed insignificant; but I knew what I wanted to do.

"How do you plan on doing that?" My teacher said with a smile as she read my paper.

"By progressive technological innovation, compounding investments and a big imagination" is probably what I should have said.

"I don't know.." The ten year old me whispered

"O.k. well think about it and get back to me when you've got some ideas ok?" The teacher replied kindly.

I never did get back to her. I'll put that on my bucket list.

All I did was write, and my teachers were very amused

I had nothing but time, the money was right, and my parents worked all day and into the night.

My only salvation was the pen and the scroll, I wrote every word with my heart and my soul.

Writing requires no approval, a task that can be done even when alone; the paper hides your insecurities, as you create a world that's better than your own.

I got wise in high school however.

"I want to change the world" I told my friend one day after school

My friend took a puff of his cigarette.

No response.

"I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'm gonna do it." I said

"That's cool I guess" My friend replied.

My friend was cool. I wanted to be like him.

All I could think however, when they kicked me outta school, was that I don’t need this. I gotta get out to the world.

All I ever wanted was an escape from the hate, violence, and the fear. Cruise around, meet a girl, drink a lot of beer.

You know the drill.

Gotta stay young, Gotta stay free.

Everyone thinks they've seen the best of me.

College after college and I'm starting to find, they're after more than my dreams; they're after my mind.

Robot's to the core in a little rat race, caught between an academic rock and a social hard place

All they want is my life and my money.

"If this is education, than surfing the web is enlightenment" I thought

It was about this time I learned what an autodidact was. A word I never learned in school. A great irony if ever there was one.

"Why can't businesses make money and do good things at the same time?" I pondered. I looked in the bible, but found no answers. Thanks for the advice though mom.

I found one course that taught "Social Business" at my college, …as an elective.

"Why do we keep pretending this is the best educational system we can afford?" I thought

"Why do we keep pretending our current political system is working?" I wrote to my Congressman

"Why is nobody doing anything BIG anymore?" I wrote to myself

"Why can't I think about normal things like girls, T.V. and video games?" I asked my therapist


Taking all my dreams away; all they want is my life and my money.

My college sent me a letter asking why I didn't continue my scholarship and why I dropped out.

I thought about the question for a moment before I scribbled an answer and sent the letter back.

"I want to change the world."

Hopes and wishes are up for the killing;

All they want is my life and my money.


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    • RunningDeer profile image

      RunningDeer 5 years ago from Iowa

      This poem speaks so many volumes, I don't think I could say anything more about it. Thanks for sharing. Wow.

    • MelChi profile image

      Melanie Chisnall 5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

      I'm almost at a loss for words, this was really beautiful and it touched a core. Your words have a lot of truth in them. Thanks for sharing them with us :)

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 5 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      I too, often stay awake at night and wonder about the chaotic dust ball that we are upon floating in this vast universe...... Do you have the power to change anything? The answer is a big YES, what you change now may affect the future in a big way..... I will repeat what everyone else said 'don't give up!" .

      Last advice, pen is mightier than the sword! use it......

      Sharing, and voting up!

    • Aiden  Hill profile image

      Aiden Hill 6 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Thanks Angie :)

    • Angie Jardine profile image

      Angie Jardine 6 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

      Anything that I can say about this hub will be hopelessly inadequate, Aiden.

      Suffice to say I am extremely impressed by your writing and can see a great future for you as a writer who one day will write something that could just 'change the world'.

      Just do it :)

    • Aiden  Hill profile image

      Aiden Hill 6 years ago from San Diego, CA

      What an awesome way to put it. Your life as material for a large novel. A poet you are indeed. Thanks for your kind words sen :)

    • sen.sush23 profile image

      Sushmita 6 years ago from Kolkata, India

      Aiden, this is something I can well identify with. Yes, the paradox of it all; being such a non-entity in the universal maze (even as a whole 'human being') and yet the monstrous task to face the challenge of everyday and me at the center of things! I guess it becomes difficult to do things the established way once you begin seeing yourself as a speck of dust in the huge sea of clockwork planets and satellites. Your work here is material for a large novel. You can consider that. Reminds me of 'The portrait of the Artist as young man'. Voted up.

    • Aiden  Hill profile image

      Aiden Hill 6 years ago from San Diego, CA

      Cheers Damien.

      Unfortunately it's not the fear of inadequacy that keeps me awake at night sometimes, but rather the opposite.

      I often find the concept of being one of those 00000.1%'s floating on a ball of dust in an infinitely expanding universe hard to accept as normal while going about daily life. Call me nuts I guess.

    • Damiendarby profile image

      Damien Darby 6 years ago from Seattle

      Seek not to be a great man, but a man. Seek not to change the world, but to change yourself. All that mumbo jumbo.

      You inspire me, you know that? Good for you, keep and hold to that spirit to the death. It's young men and women like you who're the only hope and salvation for the western world, and in many respects the species altogether.

      99.9999% of the lifeforms ever to walk, fly, or crawl upon this Earth of ours has ultimately gone extinct. Unless our societies produce plenty more young people with your mindset, well, we are definitely going to be included in that number sooner or later.

      Be Brave and Don't Give up.

      Cheers to you, oh, and by the way, you already are changing the world!