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Tales From the Unemployment Office
Hi, my name is Rick, and I'm not Dick, like some people used to call me. My reason to be here is to share with you, some stories that, being funny enough, can cause embarrassment to many. Like my now friend, Joseph De Cross, we would borrow his niche intro, "there are so many reasons for us to be here."
Well is 11: 55 a.m. on a Wednesday morning and I'm about to take my break. Here are some real anecdotes that so many can relate to. Talking about funny, let's see what we can share with you, even if Uncle Sam frowns upon.
The Unforgiven and Forgetful
How many times I have to remind applicants that they need to bring two forms of ID, and believe me I work at a federal facility and have seen it all. Here are some answers from people that came seeking for help:
Your ID or any form of identification, and social security please?
- Oh Gosh! I forgot my ID at home!
- Oh shoot! I just lost mine. I think I left my purse/wallet at Walmart/Rite Aid
- Can you just take my social security number?
- Two forms of ID? I know who I am. You can call my mother if you want. She can tell you who I am!
- I just argued with my wife and... she kicked me out. Actually she hid all my documents.
This has been a serious issue, and every single day I get these guys that always supply the wrong information and cry like a baby if they get caught.
"I see you reported making 10 dollars and hour, sir... and now you want to claim a partial lay off. Am I right?"
"I worked three days a week at the most. Have had a rough year sir. You know, has been scarce and I'm like giving up on my already defaulted mortgage payment... ya know?"
"According to your social security number and your employer's tax ID, your boss reported 40 hours of continuos revenue non stop since last April. How can you explain that?
"Huh? That's bull**! Hold on, let me make a phone call!"
"Sir, you need to go out for that... and you better straighten up your hours and then come back with solid answers. We are not here to steal anybody's money!
The Famous One
This is not a made up story. Real life can be more hilarious than... funnier than having Monica Lewinski on a democratic convention. I got this guy that looked like a movie star, but he wasn't. It was his turn. So help me Lord:
"Good morning. How can I help you Sir?"
"Hi, I'm here to collect my two weeks unemployment. Here is my driver's license and my social"
"Okay! All sounds good to me. Do you see these two gentlemen in blue behind you?
"Yeah! Two nice looking cops, with a smile! Why?"
"You never noticed the mugshot at that corner, on that bulletin billboard . Yes that one! Is that a blurred mugshot of you?"
"I don't think so! Well, looks like me, but is not me!"
"You can explain it to these two fine gentlemen at the precinct. I will hold your 2 weeks unemployment check; you might need it later!
Gee! Even child abusers live a normal life..!
Tales from HP
Last week I got the very first visit on my desk, from this gentleman by the name of "Joseph De Cross." He said he was from HP and got some kind of an award. Yeah right! I got my own on father's day, or a hubby award, and I didn't feel like advertising it!
I thought he was pulling my leg. However, here is what I can share with you. First of all, he didn't pay attention to the rules: No cellphones in the facility.
"Sir! I don't care if you are one of those "hubbie" award winners, but you have to shut your cellphone off!"
"Sorry! Is 10:03 a.m. and was waiting for my friend Billybuc's latest hub..."
"I don't care if it is a sub, or you went to a pub last night. But seriously, you need to go outside and finish your personal business. Next!"
The Winner takes it all..!
I had another guy coming for his deal of the American dream, like many of us. He was just a normal guy in his late 50s. What a character!
"How can I help you sir?"
"I couldn't fill out my application online. After three attempts I got booted and you know... I need some help today in resetting my password, and change those 4 digits pin number."
" Sure, that's what we're her for. Name and social security number please"
"J P Morgan. Social security number: ###-##-1234"
"Morgan? Aren't you this last week's lotto winner?"
"Please don't! You don't need to bring people's attention, you know?"
"And you want me to help you to reset your password, right?" (what a shame!)
Sure! Otherwise I wouldn't be here. Thanks!
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