Talking to Heaven

Sometimes,

I can’t help myself.

I look toward the heavens

And have a chat with Kevin

I tell him where my life has gone

Tell him of the lady I met

And the marriage that followed

I tell him of the college degrees I’ve earned

tell him of the job I have

And the house that followed.

I tell him all;

The joy

The pains

The triumphs

The failures.

And every time

I chat with him,

I can’t help but think

Of that fateful May

When the sun went out

And he was denied the life

I now live.

I don’t cry anymore

I don’t feel bad anymore

I don’t feel like a void

In my life is dragging me down.

Time healed that.

Time does that.

But I don’t forget

The friendship

The comradeship.

The adventures.

I tell him

I miss those days.

And tell him

Thanks for the memories

That still sparks a flame

Inside me.

For that, I smile

And hold up

A bottle of beer

Toward the heavens

And I say

Good-bye

And thanks for being a friend.

As of this writing, it has been nearly 10 years since my friend's passing. Oddly enough, the hardest part of the process was the period before his death. It may have been the agonizing wait and the realization that he had terminal cancer that made that time so trying.

There was some relief when he passed. He had deteriorated to the point he was bed-ridden and barely able to breath on his own (The poem, "The Lump" best represented that moment). As one person put it, "at least he's not suffering anymore. If you think about it, we are the one's who have to deal with it now."

As mentioned, the period before his passing was harder than the period after it. But, not by much. Many of us (family and friends) had to make adjustments to him not being there. We went through the process of denial, acceptance, anger, guilt, sorrow, and eventually acceptance. A book I read, On Death and Dying by Eliisabeth Kubler-Ross M.D. pretty much puts this process in perspective.

One thing is certain about this process: eventually you see a light at the end of the tunnel of sorrow. You eventually head toward it and emerge. However, you may have learned something from it. In this case, I learned to get on with life and cherish every moment you have.

Nearly 10 years later, I've set my course in life and have been determined to reach every personal goal I've set. At the same time, I haven't forgotten to live. Also, I haven't forgotten Kevin.