Talking to Heaven
Sometimes,
I can’t help myself.
I look toward the heavens
And have a chat with Kevin
I tell him where my life has gone
Tell him of the lady I met
And the marriage that followed
I tell him of the college degrees I’ve earned
tell him of the job I have
And the house that followed.
I tell him all;
The joy
The pains
The triumphs
The failures.
And every time
I chat with him,
I can’t help but think
Of that fateful May
When the sun went out
And he was denied the life
I now live.
I don’t cry anymore
I don’t feel bad anymore
I don’t feel like a void
In my life is dragging me down.
Time healed that.
Time does that.
But I don’t forget
The friendship
The comradeship.
The adventures.
I tell him
I miss those days.
And tell him
Thanks for the memories
That still sparks a flame
Inside me.
For that, I smile
And hold up
A bottle of beer
Toward the heavens
And I say
Good-bye
And thanks for being a friend.
Recovering from Loss - A reflection
As of this writing, it has been nearly 10 years since my friend's passing. Oddly enough, the hardest part of the process was the period before his death. It may have been the agonizing wait and the realization that he had terminal cancer that made that time so trying.
There was some relief when he passed. He had deteriorated to the point he was bed-ridden and barely able to breath on his own (The poem, "The Lump" best represented that moment). As one person put it, "at least he's not suffering anymore. If you think about it, we are the one's who have to deal with it now."
As mentioned, the period before his passing was harder than the period after it. But, not by much. Many of us (family and friends) had to make adjustments to him not being there. We went through the process of denial, acceptance, anger, guilt, sorrow, and eventually acceptance. A book I read, On Death and Dying by Eliisabeth Kubler-Ross M.D. pretty much puts this process in perspective.
One thing is certain about this process: eventually you see a light at the end of the tunnel of sorrow. You eventually head toward it and emerge. However, you may have learned something from it. In this case, I learned to get on with life and cherish every moment you have.
Nearly 10 years later, I've set my course in life and have been determined to reach every personal goal I've set. At the same time, I haven't forgotten to live. Also, I haven't forgotten Kevin.
Related Poems and Stories
- Poetry for a Fallen Friend - a Villanelle
There's a poem I have trouble reading. It's not do to the wording; instead it's because the emotions and memories it conjures gets in the way. This a Villanelle about an epitaph for a friend. - The Backyard Astronauts
The final frontier is out there and two eager "astronauts" think they have the rocket to reach the stars! These two dreamers will not allow the realm of realty ground them. Well, not before lunch. - Dolphins in the Surf
Behold the dolphins that use to swim under our feet. I wish you could've been like them. This is an elegy to a surf-partner and childhood friend who caught his last wave way before his time.
© 2014 Dean Traylor