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That Dark Place...When You Are Almost Over The Edge

Updated on July 4, 2016

I have seen some of my friends completely losing it. Most of the times, it is usually because of issues to do with marriage...It is almost always about marriage, what else? I have to confess this issue of marriage has been eating at me for quite a while now; it is like there is a devil in the works, doing the rounds every single minute and working so hard at destroying what should otherwise be a beautiful institution. Institution. aha.

It is like everywhere i turn someone is separating from their partner or getting a divorce. Or having these crazy fights about the most mundane of stuff. Some of the reasons for these actions are laughable, for lack of a better word. The intensity of these fights is shocking especially because if you look at it keenly they were not worth it in the first place.

I should first of all clarify that i am not married. That is why when another of my girlfriends called me the other day wailing loudly while insisting that this time it really is over, i listened to her grieve it out and calmly asked her to stay put as i go to pick her up. But not before i sat paralyzed for a few minutes wondering what on earth was really going on and if all this getting tied down business was ever worth it.

Heck, i asked myself if anything was really worth it anymore. It seems like I am losing it, caught up in a haze and just watching the days rush by like someone in a constant state of highness. But what do i know? Clearly not much, and i might be judging my girls harshly mostly because i haven't walked down that marriage path. Although come to think of it, what does anyone know? We are all on "trial and error" when it comes to this thing called life; it doesn't come with a manual you know.

You keep trying, keep getting burnt while hoping you do not get over that edge.

Maybe this is what growing up means - it is a pity that no one ever warned us it would be this hard.


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    • WinnieAraka profile image
      Author

      Winnie 17 months ago from Nairobi

      Say yes to life, I think you summarized it quite nicely.

      #1. marrying for the wrong reasons

      #2. choosing the wrong spouse. unfortunately, sometimes you realize all these when it is too late and you are already too deep into the marriage with kids and all

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 17 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      Life may not come with a manual, but people learn about it first from their parents, then the environment around them. As they grow older (and hopefully wiser), they learn to make choices regarding their environment.

      I have never married either, because I come from a very negative place with a highly dysfunctional family. However, I figured out how to leave all that. I still have my health, and hope to break free from the work force in a few years, so I can truly be free to pursue the life I want.

      Regarding DashingScorpio's comment, I would reverse that; the #1 reason for marriage failure is marrying for the wrong reasons, and the #2 reason is choosing the wrong spouse, which is usually a result of marrying for the wrong reasons. Regarding word55's comment, there are lots of holy books to choose from. Islamic countries tend to have the lowest divorce rates in the world; most likely because they have strict rules against it, and with many being war-torn, a spouse is more likely to get killed than divorced. In the US, atheists have the lowest divorce rate, because they are under no pressure to enter marriage, and they are more realistic regarding the Laws of Cause and Effect. Japan, a primarily Buddhist country, also has a very low divorce rate.

    • WinnieAraka profile image
      Author

      Winnie 17 months ago from Nairobi

      You guys are both right! You put it into such clear perspective...thank you so much.

    • word55 profile image

      Word 17 months ago from Chicago

      Hi Winnie, Life does come with a manual. Life does come with a model too. The Bible is the manual and the model is Jesus Christ. Don't get married without them. Your friends should apply the same. Put God first, always and you'll have a successful life/marriage. Thank you for sharing. God bless!

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 17 months ago

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      I believe the #1 cause of divorce is choosing the "wrong mate" for oneself.

      Generally speaking this happens when people marry too young or never took the time to figure out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate for life! They allowed "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices.

      That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      The #2 cause of divorce is getting married for the "wrong reasons".

      Some people have a "age goal", there's an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, perspective spouse has money, someone was in the military and about to be deployed, all of their friend were married, their parents were encouraging them to do it, they hated being single...etc

      A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.

      The goal is find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      Last but not least people change and evolve over time. We're either "growing together" or "growing apart". There is no neutral.

      Believe it or not there are many people who believe commitment and marriage means they get to STOP doing all of the things that won their mate's heart and "RELAX" believing he/she won't leave them!

      In what other scenario is that even considered a possibility?

      If you stop going to work you will lose your job, stop paying your mortgage you will lose your house, stop nurturing a garden it will die..etc

      When we change our circumstances change