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The Belching Olympics: Sister Wins Gold Medal in Gastric Freestyle

Updated on June 25, 2015

Belching in her genes

My sister Chris had a few gifts growing up that made her a marvel. They were natural talents, I guess you could say. She could make a mummy laugh; she could crawl up on a roof fearlessly to get a frisbee and jump down without a wince or harrumph. Her greatest talent, however was belching. I know it's uncouth, especially for a girl, but I must say she was very impressive.

On my dad's side of the family there was a lot of belching when we got together for special occasions. I found it so gross coming from my grandmother, aunts, and great grandmother. My mom was very proper. She never made gastrointestinal noises, at least not in front of us. I guess I took after Mom and Chris took after Dad's side of the family. She took to belching like a duck to water.

[Trying to fix up Monica with a date]

Joey: Aw, c'mon, this guy's perfect for you.

Monica: No, not after your cousin who could belch the alphabet.”

The belching olympics

One summer day we were out in front at some family friends' house drinking Coca-Cola. The three boys and Chris got to belching and decided to have a competition - the belching olympics.

You know how when you were in school and you didn't perform well in sports so you never got picked for a team? That was me (except for baseball). It was also the case for the belching competition. But I did get to pick the starter though, so I chose Jeff.

Contestant # 1 - Jeff primed himself up with a few huge pulls on his coke, took some deep breaths, and let 'er rip. His belch was very impressive in length of time, but a little weak in volume. There was a gurgle or two, so not too bad.

Contestant # 2 - Jon went next. Talk about loud. He let 'er fly like a ball out of a cannon. It made a big boom, but he ran out of steam quickly.

Contestant #3 - I was standing too close to Jon, so I needed a towel. For this reason they decided to reconsider and grant me a turn. Nothing but a mew - crashed and burned.

Contestant # 4 - My little sister Jamey was next. I could tell she'd been paying attention to Chris over the years because her belch was loud and strong. It wasn't impressive, but well done for a little twerp.

Contestant # 5 - Jay, the youngest boy went next. He was a messy belcher for sure. There was spray, gurgling, and a kind of barking sound at the end. This from a five year old.

Contestant # 6 - Chris was the last contender. So far, the competition had been stiff. "Your turn, Chris," I shouted. She was so confident in her gastric ability that she chose to walk up the steep hill in front of the boys' house and show off the true power of her talent. I had a stopwatch, and when the time was right I shouted "Go, sis!"

The volume itself was like a sonic boom, and being on a hill, it carried over the whole neighborhood. We were all in a huddle watching the stop watch. We thought she'd never stop. The stopwatch and the belch stopped at twenty six seconds. A world record! Oh, I was so proud. Hands down Chris was the winner.

Meanwhile, the neighbors had come out to see what all the racket was. When they found out it was my sister's masterful belch, they applauded her earnestly. She took her bows and finished her coke. Suddenly we looked up and saw and smelled a small, pink, noxious, cloud hovering over the neighborhood. Whewy! She must have left that behind.

The award ceremony

Finally, it was the time for the award ceremony. Chris of course got the medal for Ultimate All Around Gastric Freestyle; however, we didn't have a medal, so she got silver dollar. She stood on a stool, put her hand over her heart and we all sang the national anthem.

The rest of the awards were as follows:

  • 2nd - Jeff
  • 3rd - Jay
  • Honor able mention - Jamey and Joe
  • Participant - yours truly.

None of us got coins. Just the Christy Colbo nod of approval. She went down the line and shook each contestants hand with an accompanied "Atta boy (or girl)." Did I happen to mention Chris has an oversized head too? But that's another competition.

Wiki Definition of and Information on Belching

Belching (also known as burping, ructus, or eructation) is the release of gas from the digestive tract (mainly esophagus and stomach) through the mouth. It is usually accompanied with a typical sound and, at times, an odor.

The sound of burping is caused by the vibration of the upper esophageal sphincter as the gas passes through it.

Wikipedia

Belching to new heights

The belching Olympics we had that day served to encourage Chris to reach new heights with her gastric talent. With much practice, she was able to say sentences, then short paragraphs while belching. This went on to singing boogey-woogey, and different complicated meters and rhythms. Chris is now, shall we say, middle aged, and though she's not a spring chicken anymore, she can belch any man I know under the table. It helps to stay sober. Beer slows you down, thus beer belches are not as powerful as soda pop belches.

American Heritage Defines Belching

belch (blch)v. belched, belch·ing, belch·esv.intr.1. To expel gas noisily from the stomach through the mouth; burp.2. To erupt or explode.3. To gush forth.v.tr.1. To expel (gas) noisily from the stomach through the mouth; burp.2. To eject violently.

[Middle English belchen, from Old English bealcettan or from *bealcian; akin to bealcan.]

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000

Belching 101

When the family got together when my boys and niece and nephew were growing up, they would go up to Chris, let one fly right in her face and ask, "Was that a good one, Aunt Chris?" She didn't try to protect their delicate feelings. If the burps were lame, she said so; however, she would follow up with some practical tips to improve their skills. Sometimes she'd spend twenty-five minutes with them while we waited for the Thanksgiving turkey to finish roasting. She was such a good technical teacher. My husband and I, and my other sister Jamey, started to worry at one point that she might actually start a class - Belching 101, with a syllabus, class handbook, and homework schedule. And of course pop quizzes (no pun intended) and finals would probably be included. My kids told her what we were worried about, and a light went on in her eyes, "Wow, that's a great idea. Maybe I should." But Jamey and I convinced her that math and history would have to come first for our children. Unless they planned to become gastroenterologists when they grew up, they would need academic prerequisites first. She didn't take it too hard. She had a husband who was a willing student. I must say, he's pretty darn good too.

Inside the Belching Studio

Dressed for a belching workout

Notice the eatery behind her where she primed her gut for a belching workout.
Notice the eatery behind her where she primed her gut for a belching workout. | Source

Intestinal fortitude

All kidding, embellishment, and exaggeration aside, the really strange thing about Chris is that she has always been very feminine in most areas of her life. She likes fine clothes, has her hair and nails done regularly, and men and women alike find her charming, attractive, and funny. When we were in high school, she went to all the proms, got all the boyfriends, and was very popular, in spite of her penchant for belching. I guess it amused them. Chris has been a business woman at the same company for over 30 years, has a college degree, and has been a faithful and adoring wife to her husband Steve for 38 years. She loves her nieces and nephews, and they adore her. She's still got chutzpah, and a sense of humor that is, shall we say, unique. She entertains us no end. One thing no one can deny, Chris has intestinal fortitude. Truth be told, I think it's time for a belching reality show starring Chris. We could call it Inside the Belching Studio. What do you think?

© Lori Colbo 2012. All rights reserved.

The Burp (8 year old girl)

What a beautiful sound, a burp

It comes out of your mouth with a quaint little "Urp!"

The sound slides so smoothly off of your tongue,

With the breath flying away from its now empty lung.

"For the joy of it," I would declare when I blew,

Everyone would agree with a loud, "Yessiroo!"

And walking away I knew they were still glad,

I could hear them a-laughing at the joke they just had.

That divine sound still rings in my head

Even when I go to bed.

I lick my lips in delight

And keep burping t

Not for the prim and proper or faint of heart

Excuse Me Please

Excuse me please

if I was rude

It was not me

it was my food

It got so lonely

down below

It just came up

to say hello

(Author unknown)

Burp Queen

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    • lambservant profile image
      Author

      Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Thanks spartacus, I really get a kick out of your costume, or is it a costume? Ha ha. Thanks for stopping by

    • spartucusjones profile image

      CJ Baker 5 years ago from Parts Unknown

      Funny hub! I really got a kick out of it!

    • lambservant profile image
      Author

      Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      My self esteem in my childhood,teens and early adulthood was very poor. But today I am a new creature in Christ. I am an unworthy sinner, but a valued, loved child of God.Thanks for stopping by. Glad you had a good laugh.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 5 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      LS,

      How was your self esteem affected by all this? Great Hub! Oh, and the video you added just topped it off so beautifully. Thanks for sharing!

    • lambservant profile image
      Author

      Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Thanks for stopping by Charlotte. My sister is quite the entertainer. I think I need to write a book of humor on her.

    • Charlotte B Plum profile image

      Charlotte B Plum 5 years ago

      This is just sooooooo funny I was laughing from the start! thank you for sharing these amazing stories with us!

    • lambservant profile image
      Author

      Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

      Thanks Jeannie,, my sister makes writing so much fun.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      The is the best hub I've ever read about belching. I am totally sharing this! Fun hub and voted up!