The Best Dumb Blonde Jokes
We all have friends who are blondes and some of the dumb blonde jokes you hear really insults their intelligence and character. Blondes are people just like us, and to think that they are dumb just because their hair is of a lighter color makes us even dumber than a dumb blonde. (Sorry, couldn’t resist that.)
So, I thought I’d put together some jokes about blondes that put them in a better light. The blondes are still mostly dumb, after all these are dumb blonde jokes, but they will have other redeeming qualities.
(This blonde is rather dumb but she’s beautiful, she’s going to Japan, she deserves to be in first class, and above all, she’s got an attitude.)
On a plane leaving the United States for Japan, a blonde was sitting in economy. It was the off peak season, so many seats were empty. After the plane had taken off, the blonde got up, walked into first class, plonked herself down on an empty seat and declared, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Japan, and I deserve to be in first class.”
After several fruitless attempts to dislodge her from the first class seat, the flight attendants gave up and went to the cockpit to complain to the pilot. The co-pilot overheard the conversation and said that he would give it a try.
He went up to the blonde, introduced himself, and politely explained that although she deserved to be in first class, but as a holder of an economy class ticket, she should sit in economy class - just this time. He even offered her a tour of the cockpit in return for her cooperation. But all he could get out of her was, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Japan, and I deserve to be in first class.”
Exasperated, he returned to the cockpit. The flight attendants were still there, and still at a loss as to how to deal with their beautiful passenger who is blonde, who was going to Japan and who deserved to be in first class.
Motioning to the co-pilot, the pilot said, “Can you take the controls for a bit? My wife is blonde, so I speak Blonde. I think I can take care of your problem.”
The pilot went up to the blonde, and said something softly to her. She paused for a moment, and then declared, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Japan, and I’m going back to economy.”
"What did you say to her?" asked the astonished flight attendants and co-pilot.
The pilot smiled and said, "I just told her that first class isn't going to Japan."
(A man tries to take advantage of a dumb blonde, and although it was completely unintentional, she got the better of him.)
A blonde high school student, wanting to earn some extra spending cash on her spring break, decided to canvass a wealthy neighbourhood for odd jobs. She stopped by the first house and asked the man who answered the door if he had any odd jobs that he needed to get done.
“Well, I got a porch that needs painting. How much?”
The blonde thought for a moment and said, “I’ll do it for $25.”
“Okay. The paint, brushes and ladders are in the garage. Call me when you are done.”
The man went inside and told his wife that their porch is getting painted for $25. “$25! Does she know that the porch goes all the way around the house?” she asked.
“I don’t think so. But she should have checked before she offered $25.”
An hour later, the blonde knocked on the door and announced that she was done.
“So fast?” he asked.
“Well, it’s not like you have a very big car,” the blonde said. “And, by the way, your car’s not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari.”
(I wonder if the blonde here actually pulled a fast one on the lawyer.)
Once upon a time, there was a blonde who found herself seated next to a lawyer on a plane trip. Sensing that he has a captive audience and an easy mark, the lawyer went in for the kill. He challenged the blonde to a game of intelligence. They will ask each other one question at a time, and everytime she couldn’t answer his question, she will pay him $5, while if he couldn’t answer her question, he will pay her $50. At odds of 10:1, she couldn’t refuse, and with his intelligence, he felt he couldn’t lose.
The lawyer started first and asked the blonde, “Name the capital of Indonesia.”
Without even bothering to attempt an answer, the blonde handed the lawyer $5. Then the blonde asked, “What goes into the water with 2 eyes, 2 legs and 2 hands, and comes out of the water with 3 eyes, 4 legs and 5 hands?”
The lawyer had never heard of this one. He spent a few minutes thinking about it, and then decided to consult the Internet. When that failed to provide an answer, he made several air-to-ground calls to some pretty brainy friends of his, but still to no avail. Finally, he admitted defeat and handed the blonde $50.
So, the lawyer asked, “What goes into the water with 2 eyes, 2 legs and 2 hands, and comes out of the water with 3 eyes, 4 legs and 5 hands?”
Without batting an eyelid, the blonde reached into her purse and paid the lawyer $5.
(Technological wonders are all around us, and they keep getting better, faster and smarter. If we don’t keep up with the times, the dumb blonde will not be the only one acting dumb around technology.)
A man was watering his lawn when his neighbour, an attractive blonde, came out of her house. She smiled at him, asked about how his date went the previous night, and then excused herself to check her mailbox. She opened it, frowned, closed it and went back to her house without another word.
A few minutes later, as he was coiling up the garden hose, she came out of her house again. This time, she completely ignored him, went over to her mailbox and opened it. She scowled, slammed it shut and stormed back into her house.
Barely one minute had passed when she came out of her house for the third time. She was red in the face and looked ready to kill someone. She performed the same ritual with the mailbox, but before she could return to her house, he managed to ask her, “Is anything wrong?”
“Yes, there is!” she blurted out. “That stupid computer of mine keeps telling me that ‘You’ve got mail!’ and all three times it is wrong.”
(This is a dumb blonde joke, but it isn’t the blondes who are dumb.)
There was this blind guy who walked into a bar, sat down on a stool, and said loudly, “Anyone want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”
The bartender tapped the guy on the shoulder and said softly, “Hey buddy, I know you are blind so I’m going to cut you some slack. I’m blond and I hate dumb blonde jokes ‘cause it stereotypes all blondes. If you tell your blonde joke, I’m going to take your cane and break it in two.”
“Don’t be fooled by her perfume,” the bartender continued. “The lady seated on your right is a pro wrestler. She’s blonde, and she’s staring at you right now.”
“The guy on your left also happens to be blonde. He was voted the most litigious lawyer last year for the third year running. He once sued God for creating too big a nose for him. Right now, he is reaching into his briefcase for his notepad.”
“So,” the bartender asked. “Do you still want to tell your dumb blonde joke?”
“Nah,” said the blind guy. “I don’t want to have to tell it three times.”
(Another dumb blonde here, but you know what? She has an excellent command of English, and she expresses herself well.)
A young ventriloquist was going through his routine of dumb blonde jokes one Friday night at the club when a young blonde with a British accent stood up and shouted, “I have heard enough! You and your kind are exactly what’s ailing this country. How can you have progress when a person is judged not by their ability, but by the color of their hair, or their skin, or by who their parents are or where they come from? You say this is all in the name of entertainment, but do you call making fun of people who might not be as smart as you are entertainment? People like you make me sick!”
The ventriloquist was genuinely repentant and started to apologise but the blonde refused to hear it. “You stay out of this or you are going to get it as well. I’m talking to that little twerp on your knee.”
(This blonde knows that she's not too bright, and she just wants to make sure that she doesn't make a mistake.)
There was once a blonde, a brunette and a redhead who were the best of friends. It was in a bar in Colorado, during a messy breakup between the redhead and her boyfriend, that they decided to sail around the world together. It was going to be just the three of them, the sailboat, and the wide open ocean.
To cut a long story short, they were big on dreams and rather low on experience, and their sailboat ran aground on a coral reef somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The sailboat was toast but luckily, they managed to swim to a nearby desert island.
As they lay exhausted on the beach, the brunette spied what looked like a genie's lamp half buried in the sand. She picked it up and, after washing away the sand, held it up for the other two girls to see.
"It really looks like those ancient type of lamps which you can rub and a genie pops up. Give it a rub and let's meet our genie," The blonde joked.
The brunette knew that the blonde was joking but felt that it couldn't hurt and they really needed a little luck right there and then. So, she gave a lamp a few tentative caresses.
Nothing happened so she put down the lamp, stood up and surveyed their surroundings. Suddenly, she saw a bright flash of light and before them stood who she guessed to be genie of the lamp.
"Well, you know the drill." The genie said. "I will grant you three wishes. And since there are three of you, each of you will get one wish."
"I wish I was back at home in my nice warm bed." The redhead said, and poof, she was sent on her way.
The brunette was next, "I wish I was back at home in my nice warm bed."
The genie turned to the blonde who was trying to be smart. She wanted to be in her nice warm bed as well, but she knew that a wish is a big thing and she didn't want to waste it. She had always wanted to be smart, but she had also wanted to be a natural redhead, and couldn't quite decide which one to choose.
Her friends had always told her that if there was anything that she was unsure of, she could always ask them. So she told the genie, "I wish my friends are back here with me."