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The Character Which Defines Us All

Updated on February 28, 2015

Incorporating these three words within the very foundation of one’s own character, can play a considerable role with how you interact amongst others every day. I can honestly state that my earlier college education did not focus on psychology, sociology, or even psychiatry, so please keep that in mind while reading my words of expression. When you continue reading – understand that this also is my opinion which became a result from life experiences.

I have made it through my High School years in one piece, but during this time you can ascertain that my flaw was clearly Social Anxiety. I had friends, but unfortunately my ability in maintaining a perpetual relationship was my own lack of effort. This social anxiety of mine is confusing even more so now that I am older. When I graduated Phoenix Community College in May of 2000, my Degree was ironically enough – an Associate’s Degree in Childcare Administration.

Having received the gift of two children with my first wife, life became a completely different universe compared to my youth. Never did I think that I could be a Father, let alone with having two ragamuffins of my own. I have experienced the hard-ache of divorce, the trials and tribulations of a second marriage, and then incorporating my second wife’s child as my own as well. I have been around the block a few times and feel that when it comes to understanding people, it does not require a person to earn a degree in one of the psych classes. My years as a youth was during the eighties, while my years as a teen was during the nineties, I am what has been labeled as the X Generation.

Aside from which X, Y, or Boomer Generation you are a part of, developing relationships, opinions, education, or a physic understandings of the other Heavenly dimensions cannot all be taught by a teacher in a classroom. Living daily life in order to be at harmony with oneself, and the others that surround you is the key to happiness. How you live and share your happiness with others helps shape your character, and how others see you. Having that ability to be at peace with yourself and letting everyone else benefit can go a long way, for everyone. I have passed down this way of thinking to my two children ever since they were born.

These words can play out in two ways with how you treat yourself and the others you interact with day after day. The simple things like telling someone a positive quality you have observed about them. Helping clean up a bathroom after you use the facility, letting a car pull into a lane of traffic, listening, added with the ability of also hearing someone while they talk to you. These are but just a few things that one can do to show respectfulness towards others. It's not just what you show to others; it's also how you see yourself every day. Knowing how you should be treated and how you value yourself is as equally important. How your friends, spouse, and family treat you, and knowing if it is reciprocal, is something of respecting yourself. Mindfulness is making sure that you and your loved ones are safe, but also very useful in noticing the good and unclear qualities in other people. The ability with being mindful is one of the many tools in which a person can learn a lot about themselves and others. Being able to know when you are treating others badly is for your own safety and the safety for others around you. Observing one who is upset or uncomfortable can help you remedy the situation, and put everyone at peace. Having the ability to know yourself and what makes you tick can aide in inflicting goodness to others and yourself. Knowing what surrounds you and showing that you're paying attention, helps in not looking stupid towards others. Parking in a handicap spot or going down the wrong way in your car is showing lack of mindfulness. Talking to someone and then realizing that all you’re doing is telling them things about yourself shows narcissism. Tailgating someone while driving makes you look like a moron, and not reading a menu shows that you're an idiot who can't read. Letting your kids run around outside half naked when the sun is down shows that you’re a bad parent. Mindfulness is nothing but paying attention and reacting to what is around you and how others react in regards to what you're doing in public. Character is all about how you see yourself, along with how others perceive what type of person you’re representing to the world. Self-Expression is self-explanatory, so if you're not mindful of what you say, in expressing yourself, then you will be in a world of hurt.

Living your life can have its trials and tribulations, and at times can be very hard to deal with every day. The ultimate underling factor is that life can be wonderful. The most regular and simplistic events can show how beautiful your life can truly be. Whatever it is that surrounds you; children, dogs, jobs, family, and friends in your life are the value that strengthens the very soul. Not knowing the value of yourself as a person, is truly not understanding what it is to not realize all the wonderful qualities which constitutes – who you are! The understanding of Respectfulness, Mindfulness, and Self-Expression is the key to creating a balance within yourself and the others that surrounds you every day. Telling a loved one how much you love them, holding the door open for a stranger, and just having a smile on your face, can strengthen your understanding of the most important thing that is simply – life!

Through all the years of my long and yet simple life, my family had to watch me grow from a child to adulthood in the most stressful way. Using the description of stressful is easy for me simply because I have now been a Father to a Daughter and Son of my own for about thirteen years now. Throughout their lives the concept of Respectfulness, Mindfulness, and Self-Expression has been a work in progress. Having my own issues, which were created and strengthened from my own life experiences, can at times become out of focus along with being misunderstood by my family and friend’s. Others begin to develop a perception of who you are – Including the very children whom look up to you as a Father. All of my family, children, friends, along with co-workers who truly know me, understand how I treat myself along with how I treat the people around me. My initial instinct is to cherish the ones close to me, and define how my ability in protecting them is top priority. I have a unique way of expressing myself, with little to no filter, sentence (Profanity) enhancers, poetic words of affection, and unpredictable emotions. You can say my one flaw throughout life has been the inability with controlling my reactions when expressing myself to other people and their trivial moronic behavior. I call it how things truly are, and being opinionated can come across as harsh at times to family, friends, and strangers. This lack of self-control has never been a quality in which I can be proud of, but it is also is something in which has been a key factor in the multitude of other characteristic building blocks that create – me! By all means, my behavior is not violent in any means of the perceptions with the word. I just have the tendency to aggressively use my tone of voice towards others as a means to getting my point across. This is only done at times when my stress is high, or respectfulness is not practiced by others who are my responsibility in protecting. I don’t believe in whipping my children, or taking toys away when wanting to teach them a lesson in their inappropriate behavior. I have the uncanny ability to not just bore them, but lose their attention within seconds of lecturing them for about an hour or so of time. When I was a child, my Father would whip my bottom, ground me to my room (Weeks at a Time), or within a short period of time just express how disappointed he was in my behavior. I can be honest when it comes to disciplining a child; my understanding of this art is limited in so many ways. What way is truly correct in disciplining your child, could it just be easier enough to put yourself at a higher standard and believe that other people are just bad parents? I am a human being, with all the strengths and flaws that intertwine within my one true character. Like the next person, my flaws will stay with me just like my strengths all throughout my life on this planet. We should never hold ourselves at higher standards simply because another person has flaws or strengths which we do not have or do not understand. I am not a bad husband, father, son, or friend who will hurt my own family in a fit during stressful times or anger. People who believe that this uncontrollable behavior is what defines me as a person – simply does not completely understand me at all. They will miss out on all the wonderful characteristics that make me the person who truly cares about them every day. People will miss out on the multitude and strengths of my Unconditional Love that I can provide for them during my lifetime and beyond.


During my life so far, I had to heal many wounds on the heart, fail at life, received a Degree, got married (Twice), divorce (Going on Twice), and raise children the best way I knew how. My ability to embrace and support others is all I truly know how to do, and do very well. This concept to me in my mind is clearly one of the many tools in sustaining relationships with family, friends, and strangers. Never take them for granted, and always express how much they mean to you. When one is significantly stuck at a low point in life, we must support them the best we can. We do not just throw them away, because there is too much stress or doubt strapped to our own back. When we let go of others, their departure is in fact, also a part of us that just has been let go. Love and Faith are the building blocks that animate and bind our Souls together which gives each one of them the strength to carry on in life. Some families like mine – have that wonderful ability in possessing the unconditional love for another. The Respectfulness, Mindfulness, and Self-Expression in pointing out my mistakes that have been made, but also making it clear to me that they also support me in correcting said mistakes. This is what makes me human, and not a bad Husband, Father, Son or Friend! There are times I feel tucked away in the dark, left alone with my faults. I don't always reach out for support to family members or friends. Helping others is my first instinct, which covers over my own needs. I am a Father, Friend, and Leader, my fear and doubt come second while everyone else comes first. I am proud of my Family and Friends and thankful for what has come my way. I miss the ones who have passed, even though they are in a better place. Hatred for others and disowning a child is easy to do when not wanting to see your own faults and weaknesses. Loving yourself and others is a lot harder to do, especially when your heart is stuck in a place of fear or lack of understanding. I have seen and felt love during my life. I am grateful to have received it from many of you. I want to thank all you who play a role in this life of mine, and who can call me your friend. All the people who don't care for me, I love you too!!!


I take a lot of pride in sharing the wee amount of encouragement, knowledge, and love to all the wonderful people who cross my path in life. I have always carried with me a lot of pride with having the loved ones around me, but my way of showing that pride is very abstract and unclear. With all the people who know me, and except me for how I am is a gift that carries me so far, and comforts me like a warm blanket. I take ownership and responsibility for not controlling my outbursts at times when around family and friends. Family, Relationships, they all must possess the concept of Respectfulness, Mindfulness, and Self-Expression from all people involved in order to build strength of Pride, Character, and Self-esteem which can help keep everyone together. As a Husband, Father, Son, and Friend the love in which I truly encourage can only give others the suggestion to follow through these relationships that are perpetually thick, thin, full or flush. I would like to stress to everyone when it comes to a loving relationships, remember that Positive Communication is the key to keeping them strong and everlasting. Please always love the ones you hold so dear, and communicate in a positive manner the best you can at all times.

The love of family is priceless

© 2015 Jeb Stuart Bensing


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