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The Coal Miners Trump Interview
We are here at the White House. Four coal miners have agreed to talk with the president.
Diamond Don: “You guys are all dirty.”
Associate Coal Historical Employee1 (Ache1): “You’ve got your nerve. You give us all a new level of goals.” Gentle laughter.
Diamond Don: “Don’t worry boys. I will make sure you continue your burrowing in the ground. There is still a place for the old ways. Just because there are so many of your contemporaries working in the tech industries, no need to think we all have to be casual. After all it is men like you and me that built this country into what it is today.”
Ache2: “What is tech? Do they use picks and shovels and die from black lung disease at an early age from years of back breaking toil and breathing coal dust?”
Diamond Don: “Something like that, Instead of picks and shovels, they use pixels and software. Keep in mind, this is America, a place for everybody and everybody in their place. Besides, you men are the real backbone of America. You have fought the wars, built the roads. Your efforts make millions for those that control the utility companies. Some of my biggest donors own utilities. Without you there would be no electricity for the Internet, which supports all those tech jobs. The entire Nation is carried on the backs of you coal miners.”
Ache3: “Sounds like we deserve a raise.”
Diamond Don laughs: “I should get you on the Apprentice. You know how to negotiate.” He glances at his Rolex.
Ache4: “Did you happen to see the movie, “Coal Miners Daughter? Sissy Spacek starred in it. It showed the deplorable plight of the coal miners.”
Diamond Don: “No, I didn’t see that one. Did you see, “Greed, with Michael Douglas, now that was a movie. And another thing I bet you didn’t know. Diamonds are made from coal. Not many people know that, but I know that.”
Ache4 glanced over to Ache3. No.3 spoke: “I think most everyone knows that.”
Diamond Don smiled and gazed off to an unseen point in his perspective: “We are all on Team America. You do what you are good at, and I will do what I am good at. That way the great American experiment can keep moving forward in this the Second American Century where I will lead us.”
Ache3: “So, our place is underground? We spend our lives underground, then we spend eternity underground. How did that become our lot in life?”
Diamond Don: “Some are born to greatness. You men our lucky. You work with brawn. You are powerful. The burden of power, well electrical power, is on your backs. That is why I support you. America goes black without electricity. You wouldn’t want to see that, would you?” Again Diamond Don looks out in the distance, at his vision.
Ache3: “Me and my family live in 400 sq. ft.,smaller than this office. A place where the outside walls are always gray from the soot that is always in the air. Is there anything that can be done. Maybe some regulations to make it cleaner for my family. I am not asking for myself, but my family.”
Diamond Don: “Regulations cost money, we certainly don’t want the price of electricity go up. Not just for the comfort of the families of coal miners. Regulations hurt profits. Remember, we are Republicans, and we put the Republic above everything. Well, everything except profit. Boys it was really great talking with you. You are my kind of men. You are given your task and just go out and do it. You don’t complain, like those, those liberals. ”
The men got to their feet Ache1 extended his dirty hand. Diamond Don reluctantly took it. “Thank you men. Thank you.” He turned to the cameramen, “Did you get that?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
Ache1 to Ache2 on the way out the door: “Do you remember what he said? Something like software and pixies.”
Ache2 interrupted, “I think it was pixels, software and pixels. We will find a book and see if we can begin teaching our children software and pixels. Maybe it is time that we caught up with the tech people who are advancing the Second Great American Century. We have to do that before it is too late.” He coughed the cough of his grandfather and his father before him. “I don’t want this for my kids.”
Ache1: “Did you see his daughter? She was wearing all white. My wife never had a dress like that. It would take me six months of scrimping to even get a catalog with that dress in it.”
Ache3: “There was no dust anywhere. I bet there is a team of servants cleaning up after us right now. You guys want a beer? I have a coupon for a six pack. What do you say?”
Ache2: "That Coal Miner's Daughter, was that the movie that she jumps up on the table and demands her rights. I liked that movie."
Ache3: "No that was," pause, that was Sally something, what was that? Sally Norman, that's it.
Ache2: "That doesn't sound right. Norma Rae. That's it, what was her name, Sally Fields. Pretty sure that's right. Let's get that beer. Good to have the president on our side."
Back at the Oval Office.
Diamond Don: "Call the White House Communication Office. I want that story out right away." A pause. "Have you got them?" A pause.