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The Coffee Chronicles

Updated on January 4, 2011

The Stupid Things I Did Faster With More Energy

Caffeinated Lines on White Paper Cups

I’m not really sure what chronicles are but I know the word begins with the same letter as coffee.

Regular Filter

My name is Erica.  I love coffee.  I tried to save the world by carrying around a personal re-usable coffee mug, but I dropped it while I was carrying almonds at the grocery store and it broke.  Now I have granola in my teeth.  Turns out that Buddha and Mrs. Vanden Bosch were right.  I won’t tell you how.  Like Dorothy, you’ll have to figure it out for yourself.  The Good Witch of the North can’t help you.  Neither can the Wizard of Oz.  Or me.  I. Death isn’t a challenge for Grandma Antoinette.  It’s a benediction.  But Quebec children have misery becoming adults.  And their ph levels are always changing.  Stevie Wonder was right too.


Direct formation.  My current vocation is to seduce the world.  Then take those sunglasses off the top of your head.  You look like Mickey Mouse.  Mickey Mouse seduced.  What was Mike Snow’s word of the day?  Friscalating.  As in friscalating darkness.  As in useless seduction.  He offered to lend me a few squares of toilet paper.  Farewell to the corn cob pipe and the button nose.  And the eyes made out of coal.  Considering how boring this course is, the teacher is in an admirably good mood.  An eye rhyme.  If your eyes were made out of coal, would you see it?

I love you more than spelt bread.

I love you more than cantaloupe.

Soy Latte

You know what’s funny?  The guy who walks around with his opera in his pockets.  He doesn’t want it to get stolen.  They call marshmallows guiBLANCS, because guimauves aren’t mauve.  Xanadu doesn’t have a Z in it I don’t think.  My horse is a kingdom and I am a terrorist.   The next thing I was going to say would have been redundant. Hillary Clinton has three L’s and how many children.  My mom has a bracelet for depression.  What’s your bracelet?  You could be diasporic or exiled and that will not make my spinal fluids boil.  Or bubble or freeze.  Migrant authors don’t celebrate the city.  And I shall celebrate nothing until this class is dismissed.


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    • profile image

      Erica Schmidt 5 years ago

      Hi Claire,

      Thanks for both of your comments. I found I never really fit in here, so I did switch to a blog.

      I also wrote a short two-dollar unconventional self-help book. I make 35 cents a copy! Hope fully some of the advice is useful! Good luck with your headstand! -Erica.

    • clairewait profile image

      clairewait 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Do you blog? You must. You aren't very active on here. Where can I find you in the realm of normal people not-trying-to-compete-for-thousandths-of-a-cent-per-word-non-expert-advice-on-random-life-things-I've-already-figured-out?

    • Emily Hopkins profile image

      Emily Hopkins 7 years ago

      This is brilliant! I felt like I had just had 12 cups of coffee while reading this.