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The Creature

Updated on October 1, 2012

This story is a little shorter than my other ones so I apologize for the brevity, but I didn’t feel the need or want to add anymore than I had already written. I hope you like anyways! Feel free to make suggestions. I am always looking for ways to make my writing better! Enjoy!

The day was hot. The temperature was well into the eighties before the clock had even struck nine. Walking outside from the air conditioned inside was almost like jumping from the fridge straight into the oven. The humidity didn’t help either. Your skin damp and hot, your clothes sticking to you, your hair limp and lifeless. That’s what the day was like. That’s when it happened.

I heard it before I saw it. It was like someone had set the fuse on hundreds of firecrackers in a closed room the way the snapping of those trees cracked and echoed in the woods. I had just come from outside, sweat dripping from my brow, my hair a tangled mess. Even the ice water I was drinking seemed to sweat.

When the noise went off I felt my heart jump about ten feet. I ran to the kitchen window leaving my cup to sweat on the counter. And there it was. The strangest, most grotesque creature I had ever seen emerging through the woods, leaves and twigs embedded in its thick fur.

My heart skipped a beat and my breath came out in short, panicky bursts as I stared in bewilderment at this unknown creature. It stopped moving and looked right at me as if it could feel my eyes on it. For several long seconds we stood motionless staring at each other. Perhaps, both of us thinking or hoping the same thing. Is it dangerous? Is it going to hurt me? Maybe it will ignore me and move on with its business.

After what seemed like hours the creature seemed to decide it was in no immediate danger and ventured a few steps closer, maybe to assess the situation further.

As it got closer I was able to make out more of the features of this, perhaps, other worldly creature. What, at first, I had thought to be fur was more like bristles. They looked tough like porcupine needles. It was a dark reddish brown color, massive in size. From my first floor window I could tell that it would have to duck down into any door. It had a small snout that protruded from under its golf ball-sized, yellow and black eyes.

It shuffled nervously. Was it realizing that I was studying him?

Its feet, on which it stood upright, looked like birds’ feet. Its legs were thick and meaty equipped with sharp, black talons like any raptor would have. Its arms were wing-like in a sense except for the hands. Its hands had four finger-like appendages that it seemed to wiggle nervously as if it was grasping for something.

A small breeze brushed against the creature and I watched, intrigued, as its bristles stiffly waved in the wind. I watched as the creature shook lightly sending debris falling off of it. In a squirrel-like way it scratched at its nose as the breeze continued to swirl around it. I smiled. The thing seemed so out of place, somber and alone.

I slowly moved from the kitchen window to the back porch door. I then ever so gently opened the door and gingerly stepped out onto the porch. I carefully closed the door behind me, careful not to make too much noise so as not to scare the creature; I didn’t want it running off before I got a closer look. I wiped off the sweat that immediately formed on my brow when I stepped outside and shook off my hand.

I watched in silence as the creature’s head jerked to look at me and ever so slightly lift its nose up to sniff, as if it were catching my scent on the hot breeze. I took a couple of steps closer before I realized my mistake.

I watched in horror as the creature shot what could have been a smile, revealing what looked like rows of very sharp, very long, blood stained teeth. I stumbled backwards and scrambled to get back up. But it was too late. I barely had enough time to scream before it was my blood staining those teeth.

The day was hot. The temperature was well into its eighties before the clock struck nine. That’s what the day was like. That’s when it happened.



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    • carlossalinas profile image


      7 years ago from San Antonio, T.X.

      I liked that you kept it short (for my ADD, haha). Great plot!

    • bishopkmb profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you all so much for your feedback! It really means a lot!

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Carrie Lee Night 

      7 years ago from Northeast United States

      bishopkmb: I thought the length was perfect for the kind of story you were telling. It was to the point,captivating and very visual. I enjoyed the simplicity of it. Thank you for writing this story for all of us to enjoy! :)

    • Little two two profile image


      7 years ago from Canada

      I enjoyed this story, perfect length, not overly wordy and drew me in. Great job.

    • bishopkmb profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you guys so much!!

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      This content is different from your other writings. I was captured and intrigued from the beginning. I thought I was reading a Dean Koonz novel. Keep it up and you will make the best sellers list yet.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      7 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Chilling and just the right length to tell this story. The descriptions were wonderful and complete. The mood was set perfectly. Don't worry about length, just worry about telling the story. When it is long enough, you seem to know. Don't ever pad a story just because it isn't long enough. Good writing.

    • profile image

      Website Examiner 

      7 years ago

      I like your story, both the plot and the way it is told. The detailed descriptions make this story very convincing, but also deceptively set the reader's mind at ease when there is still much danger.


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