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The Darkness Within

Updated on January 7, 2012


I have had plenty of time to reflect on my past recently, more so since I have published my memoirs. I concede that at times, moving on is not always the answer, but to take control of one's life, is a must do course of action. So, in my bewilderment, that I call my life, I have had to make some very hard decisions. Needless to say, they will be difficult to implement, but with love and friendship and advice I will move on.

It is time for change

bring in the clown, who am I?
bring in the clown, who am I? | Source

Pain to follow my convictions

Come, sit closer and listen to the beat of my heart.

Your tender fingers run down my spine,

like tendrils of golden angel hair.

You are the air that I breathe,

and my passion in life is to

be your passion in life too.

I hold you with tainted breath,

as my words fall upon deaf ears.

I am grounded but willing to fly,

If only you would share flight with me.

I listen to your song,

and I wish you were singing for me,

calling my name for all humanity

to see that I am your prodigy,

sitting, willing to learn.

From after darkness comes light,

dazzling, bright and full of hope,

I am the future in your hands,

but still you recoil from my heart.

Is not my tender kiss enough that you should depart?

Knowledge is a gift to be shared,

and I am bathed in your glory every day.

For all the time I remain in this life,

I will always follow where you lead,

with the will and desire to find the real you.

Hiding in deathly shadows,

Is the fear of a young child.

Her life was once surreal,

she was also defiled.

But now with strength restored,

Once more to be engorged,

with love.

This poetry is a free verse and does not have any true rhythm. It is written from the heart.

To the future my friends, I will take you all along on the journey with me. Love assured. x


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    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Ohh hunnie, you make an old gal smile :) thank you so much for your lovely comment. Here's to as young as the man you feel, ooops I mean as you feel. LOL

    • fpherj48 profile image


      6 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      And you we do...."fly away as tender little butterflies and return again, whole." Beautiful!

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Net I have travelled your road. It is a long hard journey my friend. You have taken those first steps onto the bridge that will carry from the past to the future.

      Keep writing it helps to chip away at the walls that hold your heart with wings prisoner.

      Know that we are there for you and that we shine our lights onto those dark shadows.

      Take care my friend.

    • jacqui2011 profile image


      6 years ago from Norfolk, UK

      What a beautiful poem full of emotion. I hope all goes well for you in the future and the new life that awaits you. Best wishes.

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 

      6 years ago

      Dear Net,

      Such beautiful words that spill out on the page. You are so real and lovely. Tears of a clown are sad..I am sure he wants to smile on the inside..he yearns to smile on the inside..and for those around him he has the smile on the outside even though he is hurting inside. You my friend are showing us your heart, and turning the sadness around. I have no doubt that as you take this horizons await offering you much love and smiles. We are here and love you.

    • Seek-n-Find profile image

      Jenna Ditsch 

      6 years ago from Illinois

      Beautiful! Sad, heartfelt, and warm all at the same time. Voted up and beautiful.

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      fabulous work bluestar. Executed flawlessly. Up and shared

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 

      6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Nettie - Very powerful emotions coming out of that masterpiece.

      The Frog

    • mckbirdbks profile image


      6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Annette this is a very heartfelt work. It shines light around the grey edges of life so well.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Annette, It's so ironic, when we least suspect, something from the past returns to remind us that we are not completely there yet, that's when we want to write, thus, relieving any pent-up emotion that lingers just below the surface..Many here in Hubville can relate, just remember we are always here for you..Take care my friend..

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Mar, sometimes we just have to face the future and stay away from out tender past and present. Something within us, call it spirit or whatever, needs the freedom to fly away as tender little butterflies, and return again whole. :)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dearest Annette,

      My other half, you surely have written from your heart with this piece. I believe you know that I understand all too well, that I adore your ability to express your vulnerability in ways many of us cannot. You provide neverending comfort and friendship, in your 'true blue' style. I am so blessed to have you in my life and I wish you only the best in this new year of new beginnings.

      Voted UP & Beautiful. All my love, Maria

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Thank you for your lovely comment Joyce. How are you hunnie? :)

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 

      6 years ago from Southern Nevada

      Beautiful poem and I will follow you along, Poor sad clown in make-up they usually smile and look happy.

      Vote up and awesome my friend. Joyce

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Ken, from such a fantastic and memorable scribe, to be encouraging me with tender words, I am so grateful. I have been on a journey alone and with many friends this year. I still have a long way to go before I feel whole again. With the support of loving friends like you, I will get there, eventually. Much love. xx

    • saddlerider1 profile image


      6 years ago

      Simply one of your tenderest pieces my friend, coming from your heart with the sadness of the smile turned upside down to a frown as in the clown picture. I hear your heart, I felt it to. I know of such things, the darkest shadows that left me suspended through most of my life with bitter memories of my childhood.

      I pray that you find peace and the strength you need to overcome any impending obstacles in your path now or in the future. Happy New Year my fine scribe, keep writing, it lessens the burden and quenches the soul for a spell at least. Hugs.


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