The Days of April
"My world is standing still, every movement, every action, only my heart understands, the Days of April."
The days are coming, the violent winter is over, the sun is shimmering brightly, giving us the warmth we all wanted, not for me, no, only her warmth makes me feel still, makes me happy, makes me contended.
She lives far away, studying her heart out for her dreams, for everything. What is it that I want from her? Nothing, all I was for her is to be happy, for her to be satisfied. I've searched for her, what is it I want to gain? Love? No, I want to gain happiness. "You must move on", she's not the one, she'll never be. For years, I kept her in my heart, she doesn't know, she doesn't feel anything for me, but I do and it's only for her, no one else.
"You're losing your sanity". They say, but they don't understand how important she is to me. They never felt like they had their everything in one person, their future, their life, they don't know how I feel. I'm ready to lose my sanity for her, for her I will go insane, if it that's what it takes for her to be happy, I'm willing to give.
"She's not interested in you". I know that, but there are I am still willing, whatever it takes, I don't care if its not me who can make her happy, what matters is that I'm their for her whatever happens.
The days have passed, faster than I can imagine. The days have been heavy for me . A search for me, a wait for her. Once she bumped on me in the street. Her sweet sorry still rings in my ear, I was just able to say the same. She doesn't remember me as a friend before, someone who actually meant a little something in her life. She may have forgotten all those years. She left while I was mesmerized, but she kept going. Once I've forgotten about her, I did, in those days, I felt empty, I felt nothing.
I don't want to lose her from my memories, because if I do, I'm going to lose myself, I'll lose everything, because she's everything to me.
The feeling of loneliness, a man without love has been my friend for a long time. My dedication to her is just so strong. Many have said that I'm obsessed with her, many have said that I am insane. But if love is what I feel now, I would rather keep it until the end of time.
I've protected her more than once before. When people talk about her in the baddest of ways, I would protect her name, her dignity, even if it takes mine away, I would sacrifice, even though she does not know what I've been doing for her, it doesn't matter, as long as she's happy. I pray for her happiness, I believed in God for her, I've changed my life for the better. I owe her more than she owes me, I am willing to give my life for her.
One of these days I sometimes wish that she could realize what I've done for her. It's been years since we talked and for all I know, she does not know me anymore. She's on her way to her dreams, to what can make her life happy and one day, she won't need me anymore, it doesn't matter though, she never needed me anyways, or so I thought.
One sunny day, I was walking to my school, my second home. I've been studying law for a long time now, and I've learned a lot in the way. The way how people think and how they opposite genders may never understand each other. Even the smartest of people can't identify their own partners, it's just love that gives them definition. That day though, I saw her, smiling at me, I have no idea why, but I just walked to her, and she greeted me. She somehow knew me, remembered me. "Hi", that's what she said, that word made my heart skip a beat. "Uh..... hey", I said managing giving her a smile back. "Hey, do you want to go out sometime? Just to remember those old times? It's been forever." Those words, made my world stop, everything just stopped, she said everything that I was about to say first, it just didn't make any sense why, it seemed like it was just my imagination, but it was reality, and I need to give reality an answer. "I know a good place, it's great that you remember me." I said with confidence. "Great! ummm..... sorry for being so forward about this." she replied. "Uhhhhh.... no its okay actually, I'm just wonder-"
"Save it when we go out okay? We have to go to our classes, its almost time also. Hahahahahaha."
"Uh, sure, how does Saturday sound?"
"Saturday sounds good. I'll see you, to that place you know or something...... Hahahahahaha " She was happy, smiling, it was still her I felt it in my heart, it was still the same girl I fell in love with.
I found her once again, this time I'm not letting her go, this time I will tell her what I feel, this time I won't make mistakes.
Saturday came, I told her where we would meet a place that me and my parents would go sometimes, it wasn't all important, but it mattered to me. There I waited, and I saw her, the beauty and simplicity of her was enough to overwhelm me like it always does each day.
"Hey. sorry I was kinda late." She said
"It's okay, you are not late at all." I replied managing to give a smile.
She gave me a warm hug and I remembered she the last time she gave me a hug was years ago, it made me feel I was home, it made me feel comfortable, I just don't want to let go. We sat and the waiter took our orders. We had small talks reminding us of the times before while we ate. After eating, we had a talk that may have changed everything.
" So why inviting me all of the sudden, after shutting me off years ago?" I asked with my heart beating faster than I could imagine.
" I didn't shut you off, I thought it was you who shut me off." She said with a tone.
" Oh, I guess it was just a misunderstanding then. But it doesn't matter, we're here, and we're happy right?" I said to her smiling.
" Yeah I guess, so.........." She said, looking away, with a sad tone.
That made me feel bad, sad actually. I just wanted to ask her what's wrong but something stopped me. After a minute of silence from the both of us she said something, something that broke my heart, my life my everything.
"You know you start to do things you want to do and correct them before you're about to be gone. Far away from this place, forever." She said, calm with her heart still.
"I don't........ understand. What's happening? Are you okay?" I asked with haste.
" I'll be gone soon, forever...........One day I went to the the doctor, I asked him how long I got before it happens..........I'm sick, my heart is beating it's last, I can't believe it either." She said with tears flowing down her face.
" What, why? What are you sick with? Is it your heart?" I asked, I was about to give cry, but I held it.
"Yes........it's my heart, I never knew, remember when you asked me if I'm happy with my life?" She asked still crying.
"Yeah, that was years ago........." I replied, sad, about to lose myself.
"I am Happy, I lived my life to the fullest, and now I'm more happy because....... I'm able to correct everything with you, and I thank you, for everything you have done for me." She said with a faint smile.
I remembered that night fully, everything, I told her everything. She cried and cried and I comforted her, I was there for her finally. I brought her home, she gave me a kiss, my world stopped fully, my heart stopped beating, I felt that. I just want to hold her forever, but forever is almost done. That night I gave my choice, I knew I had to do it, for her. This might be the last time I would see her, the last night, Our last night, but it will forever in my heart, which I will give to her, so that she could remember, so she could never forget, these Days of April.
It was the day of her surgery, I held her hand, as we go to the operating room, she didn't know I was doing this because she would never forgive herself. After this she'll be happy, and I gave her that happiness.
"I'm sorry, April, for everything, and for this, I promised myself I'll give you my everything, and now I will fulfill that promise, remember me, remember these days, those days, forever, dream of me."