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The Disobedient Daughter. (Flash Fiction) Dedicated to Jodah

Updated on October 10, 2015
manatita44 profile image

Manatita is an esteemed author living in London, UK. He writes spiritual books, flash fiction and esoteric poetry, his favourite genre.


Chelaji rode out on the evening sunshine with the man she loved, solemn, perplexed and broken with grief. She had a very heavy heart. Stripped bare in her Soul, with guilt and remorse her only inner companions, she began to reflect on where it all went wrong.

Now she could see the whole thing quite clearly. She had refused her father’s Love, betrayed her friend Elisha and got her killed. Along the way she was robbed, mugged and compromised; her dignity in tatters.

She blamed herself. Her father and best friend were now dead, and she was left only with a suffering that burned within, as if her emotions were on fire.

Of course Chelaji had known from her childhood, that we all come with a ‘heavenly package;’ that to an extent destiny was inevitable, and that she should not blame herself. Nevertheless, a negative spirit is a negative spirit, and as the emotions deepened, so too, was her views on life, coloured with darkness.

Lost in thought, Chelaji was suddenly awakened, by the soothing voice of the handsome and comforting man, on whose right shoulder she now leaned. Dishevelled, on horseback, and drifting aimlessly in the wind, she gave no thought for the morrow, and was lost in her own world of despair.

“Let us go home,” he said, placing his arms around her. “Let us go home.”



It all started when her mother left. As a child she was full of pranks anyway, but by and large, her mom, who was the firmer of the two parents, was mostly able to contain her. One day mom packed her things and left, leaving only a painful note, to say that she had ran off with another man.

Chelaji’s father was a quiet, unassuming man, a loving man who did the best, according to his own capacity, for his wife and child. He came home from work to find his daughter crying, holding the note which she had found in her parent’s bedroom.

Tapasi did his best, and brought up little Chelaji, until she was almost eighteen. In between there were visits, by the young man on whose shoulders she now cried, as well as his Fiancée Elisha, who became Chelaji’s best friend.

Elisha had a chronic illness, and was destined to die in seven years, unless her husband-to-be, could find and grow a flower, which in itself needed seven years to mature. He was to nurture this flower on a cold mountain without watering it, as only then, could he save Elisha’s life.

Chelaji became moodier as she got older, and was always challenging her father, especially when it came to the subject of men, as she had her heart set on marrying Elisha’s Fiancée. A childish dream, one might say, as they were nearly always together, very much in love, and at least a good ten years older than Chelaji. This was even more apparent, when she was younger.


Now, nearly eighteen, her father – as was the custom – had gone into the village to do some match-making, when Chelaji decided to make this fateful mistake of running away from home.

She eventually found her loved one on the mountain, but not before she had ran into some of the above-mentioned problems. One evening she was hungry; stopped at an inn for food and shelter, and had her first encounter with the world outside of home. It was not nice!

Wiser, and with some added help, Chelaji made her way up the mountain and finally found the man she loved. He was called Pitar. Both Pitar and his Fiancee embraced her excitedly, as an old friend, and, without thinking, took her to see the grown flower, which was being readied to save Elisha’s life.

It was the seventh year, and she was very weak. Pleasantries over, Pitar and Elisha retired, and Chelaji decided to have a walk around her new environment. In her carefree walk, and now feeling more refreshed, she decided to stroll into the garden where the flower was being grown. Noticing that it had not been watered for some time, she decided to water the flower, and as she did so, it wilted and died.

The next morning Elisha was very weak indeed. It was time to remove the flower, and make the magic portion to save her life. Pitar rose early and visited the garden to collect the plant, only to discover that the flower had died. Devastated, he got down on his knees and wept. Then he became hysterical and started screaming.


The first person to visit him was Chelaji, who told him of her mistake, and for the only time in his life, he lashed out and slapped her, and she fell. Needless to say, without the healing properties of the flower, Elisha died.

Once more Pitar would send Chelaji on her way, asking her to go back to her father. Unused to the ways of the world, she again ran into many dangers, suffering pain and humiliation on the way. Her father, who loved her dearly, had set out to look for her, and was caught by the very men who deflowered her beauty, tortured and killed.

Now, having escaped torture, being buried alive and other rather awful adventures too much to mention, Chelaji found herself saved and back into the arms of the man she loved. He had come to look for her, because he had learnt of her father’s death, and he had made a promise to her father to look after her, until the day she died.

So here we are, with Chelaji riding of into the sunset, finally alone with the man she loves, but with a heart heavier than stone, and reflecting on the choices that brought her to where she was. Heaven smiled and cried, as the horse gathered speed, and they both rode off into the dusk.

Manatita, the Lantern Carrier. Copyrighted, October 10th, 2015.

~ Awakening The Inner Light ~

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© 2015 manatita44


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    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Thank you, Mary.

      A lot there, yes. Hopefully, I'll make it less sad next time, but these things actually do happen. Somehow we have to learn, I guess. Thank you so much! Much Love.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      What an amazing story dedicated to an amazing writer and friend!

      Yes, Manatita, this story is sad. Sad on so many levels and for so many of the few characters in it. Deb is right, it is a good lesson for all.

      Very well done my friend.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Hello my Dear Friend.

      Thank you so much. A great lesson indeed! I know of many now who need this. Teenagers, I mean. Much Love.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Life truly has many pitfalls and we must learn patience, as well as to overcome those trying times. Very well done, and a good lesson for all, as well as a serious reminder.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Yes, more common than you think. She loved him, and he loved her father who was a very great and principled man. Indeed her father had taught him and saved his life, also. So in the end, one can say that it worked out well for her.

      When I saw this movie some time ago, the very things that I was saying, Chelaji said towards the end. She saw her mistakes quite clearly and repeated what could have been if she had not done .....alas!

      Thank you so much, my loving Friend.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Even a disobedient daughter doesn't deserve the torturous life Chelaji had to endure. However, she made some terrible choices. I was surprised to learn Pitar saved her in the end. Did he know all this time she was after another woman's love?

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Thanks, Bro.

      Perhaps because I hate drag. I like it to flow fast and vibrant, like a river. Many of my short stories are like that. But my book is different, except for when I am actually telling a story. Much appreciations, Brother.

    • profile image

      Smilealot 2 years ago

      A really interesting read, it had me gripped right to the end. It was quite a journey you wrote. I think you really have a talent for writing short stories :-))

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Yes, Missy.

      Thank you so much! Funny enough, I feel your Heart. You do not have to tell me. That's why I like you so much. Thank you for the compliment to Jodah. Appreciated.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Missy :)

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Missy :)

    • Missy Smith profile image

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      This was quite a journey Chelaji took. I relate to mistakes made through bad choices. Maybe that's what God intends for a lot of us to do through our own journeys. Perhaps it's the only way some of us can find the true understanding and meaning of life. It's how we learn to be good people in the end. It's how we learn to ask and seek him for forgiveness and guidance.

      Lovely story Manatita and great person to dedicate it to. (Jodah)

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Thanks DDE. Appreciated.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      A beautiful write here. You do have great talent and shared a thoughtful hub.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Yes, Bro.

      I tried to convey the message of disobedience and its consequences. I know some cases where children find it hard to listen, and the result is suffering.

      I almost did not give you that one. I did it for you because you like my short stories, but Patricia said that it was gloomy, I re-read it and felt that she was right. As you know, I do not usually enter the sad side. Still, I believe we both agreed recently that despair can sometimes help us.

      Flash Fiction can be pushed to 1000 words, and this is borderline, but complex yes. Too much to squeeze in. Hari Om! Jai Lord!


      That was just me. I'm always looking at myself, asking questions. That one was a little 'heavy.' Won't do more like it. Higher blessings.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      I wasn't referring to your story but to the character's choices!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Manatita, I have to thank you for dedicating this story to me. I think you may have stretched the limits of "flash fiction" a little but it was a fine story all the same. Heartbreakingly sad though with all Chelaji suffered herself as well as what her actions caused especially the death of Elisha. A happy ending finally for her an Pitar at least. I guess there is a lesson in here for all of us. Have a great week.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Ann, chuckle, chuckle.

      I don't think that I'll do one like that again. My imagery is too strong. Thank you for your continuous sentiments. God bless this Sunday.


      You're too kind to me. Thank you so much!

      Swalia, yes,

      An interesting one here. My last like that, perhaps. Gratitude ...much.

      Bill, I thank you.

      This one pushed me down a little. I desire to rise again. Thank you, thank you ....

      Have a great weekend!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I wasn't going to read any hubs this weekend, but how can I say no to a flash fiction dedicated to John? Well done my know I love your work.

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 2 years ago from India

      Life is all about the choices we make. God has written our destiny but he has also given us free will to change our destiny by our choices.

      Interesting story!

    • profile image

      Surabhi Kaura 2 years ago

      Gratifying story. Life has many tides... stroking boisterously and calmly at the same time. What matters is that how we perceive it.

      Beautiful poetry and flute music!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      An interesting story. We all make choices and have to live with them, some good, some bad.


    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Dear, Dear Patricia, was that me?

      Looking at your comment, I had to read it a second time, and I dare say that you are right. It's pretty sad. I embellished a movie that I saw a long time ago.

      Thanks for your comment. Yes, we get packages that equalises themselves out, mostly ...

      Much Love.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      O what a mournful story that ended on a more positive note. Like life, there are twists and turns, highs and lows, and somehow it usually equalizes itself. Lovely lovely sentiment.

      Angels are on the way to you this afternoon. ps


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