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The Fear of loneliness : I am My worse Enemy

Updated on April 19, 2011

The fear of being rejected by my own scares me out of my skin

Thedread of having a knife crash your dreams of fitting in

But I know this feeling by name and my face

For I have so long endured it in this mad race

And I am terrified to die on my own

Living on the sideline like Satan’s spawn

So the loneliness makes my heart quiver and moan

Doomed to drift with only a shadow for a consort

In this jungle of civilization that knows no hope

How can a wavering heart find in the dark comfort?

How is my scarred heart supposed to cast away the rope?

As life mocks my attempts to find a place to call home

As we drift aimlessly within this endless life of storm

Sometimes I wither inside that treacherous head of mine

As the emptiness digs through my bones into my spine

A foreigner to the world and to myself

And life cast my happiness like an item on a shelf

I have felt so empty like a wandering soul

Yet heat was never attained to fill that hole

Forgotten, and invisible to the world I have walked

And no matter where I go, by the emptiness I am stalked

Now sinking into the disdain of false hope and empty promises

And as time passes by I hate the person that the world despises

That person is me, an entity lost yet never found

A person who can never make anyone proud

~Me~

You say I am my worst enemy

And that I deserve no mercy

Cast to drift aimlessly in a world that knows no mercy

A world so superficial that it overvalues beauty

A foreigner to the world, masked and forever silenced

With a heart of stone in a barren land that was fenced

Sinking into the oblivion of the empty world drifting past hope and life

This is the person you came to create, a person whom I myself despise

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    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      Well i will have to check what he says :D we might get along LOL "D will i find writing it off on paper better than actually walking around all gloomy life a zombie :D

      + my CATs scaratch me to death !!!! so i understand [U+ me = cat lovers!!]

    • Freya Cesare profile image

      Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

      Lol. HubGod loves gloomy and dark, didn't you know? If you check around Hubs and several forums, many people becomes gloomy and angry these days and several had say goodbye to the community because what HubGod did. So I guess, you will be fine.

      PS: You can borrow my hand if you want to scratch your head. My cat wouldn't mind. She had gave me so much bruises as proof of her opinion on that one. "Too much tickles, you silly woman!" She said. hahaha

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      well i can't breath and i feel like people suffocating us on purpose :/ i will also send u my thoughts through email [i think hubpages might flag me for being too dark and gloomy for others to handle :S ] though i hope i get some time to type them :( since i have no time to scratch my head

    • Freya Cesare profile image

      Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

      Salam, dear.

      Still hard to breath there?

      Come to me then.

      We have entire world to be our home, insha Allah.

      :D :D :D

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      Ben thanks for the comment i can say the same thing for your bleach/soul society/ hollow poem :) It really made my day, especially after knowning that the actor who voiced Rukia's voice is missing or dead :( anyway, i totally loved that poem of yours and i think i might be reading and rereading it for a while :D:D

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      I came back and read this again, and recalled just how AMAZING THIS IS. I feel like this should be turned into a legendary anime song

      the lyrics are unforgettable, it's a masterpiece, it truly is

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      NIkki yes perhaps we just need company to fend off those little demons that lurk deep inside :P [sorry for being to dark but i am listening to this metla song that says "i see little demons running through my head]

    • Nikkij504gurl profile image

      Nikkij504gurl 6 years ago from Louisiana

      well i hope you find someone to walk with you. good poem. sad. ive been down that lonely road, but i found i wasnt alone there in the end.

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      benjamin david aptaker

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      well i can't find the link :( anyway we are two girls posing behind a statue if u want give me your full name and ill add u

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      there's a lot of sara kaddouras to be found.

      add me, my link is on my profile page of HP!

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      well yeh sometimes by writing we were different masks of life :) but yeh i am 19 and i love to write and experience the world from a different aspect :D

      and yeh i do have facebook :D Sara Kaddoura :D add me and maybe we can talk from time to time :D

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      19? wow. You write like you're much older. I guess I do too.

      You don't have a facebook?

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      What's sick about the video:P and we can censor what needs to be censored :P i certainly love the game btw

      @ralwus : Well sometimes the cup of endurance just overflows. JUst like a river it might wreck your world but i let if overflow on paper rather than let it wreck my world. SOmetimes writing is a blessing and on other occasions it makes you feel the suffering of the whole world Just like Atlas carrying the globe on his back.

      btw I am 19 now and life is pretty fair with its ups and downs. Challenging but worth living every single moment :D

    • profile image

      ralwus 6 years ago

      Once again you break my heart with powerful words of despair. You are young, love will find you out. I have seen you grow these many months (i forget now how many) and once again i find myself trying to lift you up. smile and live for life is so short. i am here if ya need to talk. much love darlin' girl. Charlie xox

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      That was a sick video haha

      The only other one I recommend for now is "descent"

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      yeh i am glad we share that too...i believe Japanese are one of the most successful people in portraying emotions through their animation. i think you might like this one,it contains devil may cry [which is one of my favorite after God of war] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM-xAyuqEdg and i hope you enjoy the track as well.

      Hoping to read more of your work :D

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      Wow, really? You spend that much time on my page? That's wonderful...

      By the way, you asked about a song to write to...how bout the one on my latest poem? That song brings me to near tears every time, especially when I remember the story it went with (FFX)

      Anime/Japanese music and stories are simply the highest level of emotional connection possible.

      Final Fantasy, Bleach, Legend of the Dragoon, DBZ...they all are such a huge part of me, to the core.

      I'm glad we share that

    • Uriel profile image
      Author

      Uriel 6 years ago from Lebanon

      BenWritings,

      i didn't except someone to post a comment at this rate. {but inside my little treacherous head of mine i was hoping someone would}. Anyway, i am really glad to have you stop by :) Sometimes hubbers get fed up with all the dark poetry as if portraying the Golden rule in Economics [law of diminishing marginal utility :D] but i guess i write for myself to vent. I really thank you for your support :D

      Reply on Two things :D

      1- one of the saddest piano+ violin you could ever find. Still i am searching for other pieces to listen to while writing. Any reccomendations?

      2- i will for sure check your poems. I kind of live on your profile lately :D So i am also a very happy and faithful fan of yours:D

    • BenWritings profile image

      BenWritings 6 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee

      Absolutely AMAZING, again!

      Truly heart wrenching! Emotional, powerful...WOW

      You are just the best at this kind of poem. Your pictures are wonderful too...this just hit me hard. I can't say enough about the strength of those words.

      I have recently become a huge fan.

      Also, 2 other things:

      1. I looked up that song, and I remember it clearly from watching the show...it's so incredibly sad and beautiful. That show is so awesome...

      2. My latest poem ( Forget me tonight and forever ) I think would really be your cup of tea so please check it out :]

      up/awesome/beautiful

      they really need like...a x10 button