The Funniest Joke Ever Told
World's Funniest Joke
Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help.
He shouts at the emergency operator, "My friend is dead! What do I do!?"
"Calm down", the operator says, "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."
The phone goes silent, for a second. Then the operator hears a gunshot.
"Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"
According to Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire, that is the funniest joke ever told. How does he know? In 2002, he conducted a study to determine the funniest joke in the world, as well as the funniest jokes from several countries around the world.
For his experiment, called LaughLab, he created a website. People from all over the world were asked to submit their favorite jokes, and rate jokes that had been submitted by others. Out of more than ten thousand submitted jokes, the dead hunter joke appealed to the widest demographic. Personally, I find it sort of funny, but it's not my favorite joke. Then again, can you really argue with science?
So what is the second funniest joke ever told? According to Wiseman, it goes like this:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
After thinking for a moment, Watson replies:
“Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
“Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Jokes From Around The World
According to Wiseman's study, the funniest joke in America is about marriage: Two friends are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”
Here is the funniest joke to come out of Canada. It pokes fun at American ingenuity: When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians, on the other hand, used a pencil.
And in the UK, it was an ugly baby joke, that took the prize: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
The Funniest Joke Ever Told
One Of My Favorites
One of my personal favorites, is an all too true commentary on the institution of marriage: A couple is lying in bed, on their 20th wedding anniversary. The woman suddenly feels her husband touching her in ways that he hadn't done in years. He started at her neck, and slowly traced a line downward, past the small of her back. He caressed one shoulder, then the other, and continued down across her breasts, stopping just below her navel.
Next, he placed his hand on her left inner arm, and caressed down her side, stopping at her hip. He started over again on her right side, then brushed gently across her buttocks, and down her leg. As his hand was making its way up the inside of her left leg, he abruptly stopped and rolled over.
She had become very aroused by all of this attention, and asked in a loving voice, "That was amazing, darling. Why did you stop?"
He cleared his throat, looked at her and said "Found the remote."
Do you know a funnier joke? Feel free to leave it in the comment section below. You might have the world's funniest joke, and not even know it.