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The Geek's Lament.

Updated on March 30, 2010

The Geek’s Lament

I'll never meet an aiel or a ranger of the north.

Never defeat an empire.

Never speak with a wolf.

Never fly an X-wing.

Never ride an ent.

Never cast a fireball.

Never ride a dragon.

Never lift an X-wing.

Never win a joust.

Never ignite a lightsaber.

Never learn to wield a sword in battle.

Never prepare for atmospheric re-entry.

Never track the orcs.

Never lead the charge.

Never rally to the banner.

Never hold the line.

Never heed the call to arms.

Never avenge my father.

Never rescue the princess.

Never charge my power armor.

Never find the grail.

Never seek passage to Alderan.

Never defend Helms Deep.

Never address the Council of Elerond.

Never live off lambas bread.

Never draw the sword from the stone.

Never flee from a balrog.

Never hide in my elven cloak.

Never turn Vader from the Dark Side.

Never make the shot down the Deathstar’s thermal exhaust port.

Never explore new lands.

Never be knighted.

Never join the Fellowship of the Ring.

Leia never liked Han as a friend.

Arwen never moved to Florida.

Gimli never told Legolas he had a band thing to go to….. every day.

Data and Geordi never had to call Tech support.

Chewbacca never had to go to French class.

Elves never have to get glasses.

Space Marines never have poor hand eye coordination.

Arthur never had to leave Excalibur outside because it was dangerous.

Obi-wan never gave Luke grades or progress reports.

Luke never had to show Yoda his GPA, SAT, or Personal statement.

Sam didn’t have to have a signed permission slip to go with Frodo.


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    • L. Ray Haynes profile image

      L. Ray Haynes 

      7 years ago from the biosphere

      I feel your anguish. Modern life sometimes seems so devoid of adventure although danger nevertheless lurks everywhere(if we believe what we are told). We are daily sold security at the expense of liberty and regularly plea-bargain away our right to fight for justice. We trade our comraderie for the illusion of selfish individualism. Too many seek glory while disregarding honor. Yep, we've got it all here in the modern world, including an insipid malaise which breeds discontent, the lack of a sense of purpose, and widespread depression and cynicism. It's enough to make one long for simpler times or alternate realities wherein one could have a clarity of vision and purpose which is not muddled or obfuscted by a myriad of complexities and contradictions. This is not impossible in today's modern world. It is merely more difficult to distill those essences from the entanglement of distractions and petty bureaucratic responsibilities which comprise so much of our daily activities. I am certain many people could use a good long 'vacation' going "there and back again" and would be better people for it.

    • LPogue profile image


      8 years ago from Missouri

      This definitely brings back some memories. Thanks for the laugh.

    • mythbuster profile image


      8 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

      I've enjoyed this hub very much, Falsor Wing. Laughing at the Chewbacca statement. Thanks.

    • Dame Scribe profile image

      Dame Scribe 

      8 years ago from Canada

      I say it's very orginal, lol. Great job!

    • Mitch Alan profile image

      Mitch Alan 

      8 years ago from South Jersey

      been there, not done that...good stuff...

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Very nice :) I liked.


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