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The Great Chocolate Chip Cookie Conspiracy

Updated on December 4, 2012

The hidden cookie agenda...

Let’s talk about chocolate chip cookies. It’s common knowledge (or should be) that they are nothing more than the tools of THEM to turn America communist. Whether it’s the fact that they are all the same size, or the idea that all cookies should have the same amount of chocolate chips, it’s clear that this hidden cookie bound agenda must be stopped.

Some may argue that cookie size and chip density are stretching to say that they are linked to communist, but the reality is that this nefarious scheme goes far, far deeper. THEY would have you believe these little morsels come from a small town in New York State. Quit drinking the Cool-Aid (which happens to often be RED) people. The reality is these fiendish propaganda tools came into existence in… you guessed it… THE USSR!!! A baker by the name of Vladimir Nokoffsky developed these things in an attempt to make a limited supply of chocolate stretch for the whole town he was baking for so that all could SHARE EQUALLY! Sometimes chocolate chip cookies are made with M&M’s, and you guessed it… RED M&M’s!!!

Finally, the sad reality is that the quantity of these cookies matter. If one person has more cookies than the other person, it creates jealousy and hard feelings. Now that you’re all hooked on these cookies, THEY are going to try and make you “share” so everyone gets the same amount of cookies.

Protect yourselves. Protect your children. Protect other people you don’t know who don’t care about you and don’t want your protection. And then dammit protect their children too. Stop this heinous cookie conspiracy before it’s too late. VIVA MICHELLE BACHMAN!!!


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