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The Gump Trump Interview

Updated on May 29, 2017
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This political satire brought to you by the sponsors of liberty.

Gump: “Mommy always said, well, let me get to that later.”

Trump: “Aren’t you some kind of cartoon character. Why do I know your name?”

Gump: “I have been asked to speak to you. First, what did you do during the Vietnam War?”

Trump: “I had the best medical deferments that money could buy. I mean, it was horrible, a bone spur in my foot prevented me from my rightful position as a true American war hero.”

Gump: “Many young Americans went to serve their country when called. Lt. Dan, even earned a pair of magic legs. He can’t even get a bone spur in his foot, cause he left his feet over there.”

Trump: “That is the price some men pay. I understand that you have met several Presidents.”

Gump: “Yes, yes, I did. Some good ones too. I met President Kennedy. They made me wait so long that by the time I was brought into the oval office, I had to pee. President Kennedy thought that was funny. Then President Johnson mentioned that I got shot in the butt, so I told him, yes, yes, I did, then I pulled down my trousers and showed him. Do you want to see my butt?”

Trump: “No, no I don’t. Why are you here? Did you have some message for me?”

Gump sat back: “You never got a chance to meet Bubba. He was going to be a shrimp boat Captain, and I was going to go into business with him. He did not come home from Vietnam. He knew about shrimp. He knew about BBQ shrimp, boiled shrimp, baked shrimp, sautéed shrimp, shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, gumbo shrimp, shrimp stew, lemon shrimp, pineapple shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp potatoes, shrimp salad and shrimp burgers. But he never mentioned a man shrimp. Bubba knew short men, but I don’t think he ever met a little man.”

Trump: Throat clearing. “Do you want to talk about policy?”

Gump: “OK, when my Jenny got sick. The doctors did everything they could. But she still had to go to heaven. I am a simple man, but if the doctors had more time and resources, for research and these professionals are willing to dedicate their lives and careers to saving lives, why would anyone try to stop them?”

Trump: “You don’t understand economics. There are millions of people in this country. What makes your or their problems, your neighbor’s problem? We are not our brother’s keeper.”

Gump: “When the country wanted to go and fight ‘for our democracy,’ young men and women, except you, came together to do that. Are the problems of the country, not a collective problem?”

Trump: “I serve this country by making money. Capital is the life blood of this country’s system. Little people, do little things. That is my credo.”

Gump: “When I was in Vietnam, one day it started to rain. It rained and rained. Some stinging rain, some fat rain, some seemed to go sideways and some came up from underneath. That rain was like trouble coming from all sides and people’s troubles get like that. It comes at them from all directions and sometimes they need help.”

Trump: “What does that have to do with it? People ought to go out and earn enough money for their doctors and lawyers. Us privileged professionals deserve to be paid. The people have equal access to professionals, if you can afford us. If you can’t afford it, too bad. The world worked better when there were serfdoms and kings. That’s what I think.”

Gump: “You are a patriot who won’t fight, a Christian without empathy, and a president who does not love his country's people. I am just a simple man, and I know it. But how is that going to work?”

Trump: “Work, I am glad you said the word work. What this country needs is more people who work. A third of the country is sitting home and watching television, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. There are other corporations to support besides entertainment, tobacco, and alcohol. We have a trade imbalance, we import more than we export. I aim to change that. Wages will be low, but if the little people want to eat, they will take whatever wage we offer.”

Gump: “When you were running around the country, asking people to vote for you, you spoke of America First. You never mentioned Americans last. When I was playing ping pong for the American ping pong team, I learned to hit the ball back over the table. You seemed to have learned that moving the table had its advantages. You would make a terrible ping pong player.”

“You know. We do have something in common. When I was a shrimp boat captain and a big storm hit the coast hard, my boat was spared. After that, we grew and grew. Pretty soon we bought hats that said, “Bubba –Gump” on them. I hear you have a hat also. I knew if I sat here long enough, that there would be something. Yes, sir, Bubba-Gump.”

Trump stood up. “Sorry, I just remembered another commitment. I really have to go. Thanks you for all of your valuable input. A member of my staff will see you out.”

Gump: “Don’t you want to know what my Momma always said?”

But the door closed behind him. The staff member escorted Forest Gump to the security gate.

Lt. Dan met him in an old pickup truck with special hand fitted gas and brake pedals on the steering wheel. When Gump was in and had his seat belt fastened, Lt. Dan said, “I told you that would be a waste of time.”

Forrest Gump (1994) - Shot In The Buttocks

Simon and Garfunkel - Mrs. Robinson (lyrics)

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Forrest Gump is an everyman story. Each time he was called on he preformed his duty to the best of his abilities. He loved and lost. He fought and paid dearly for it. He accepted the challenges that came to him. When his friend asked him to join him in business, he agreed. When his friend died, he carried on the dream. There is a lot of grist in the story. He was just a simple man, who stood up when asked. Kind of like the rest of us.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 2 months ago from North America

      I think that Forrest Gump, or at least the concept of such a man, is a national hero to us at this point.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Gypsy - Thank you. These have been fun.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Another great interview and a fascinating read.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy – Thank you. Sometimes seeing things through the eyes of a child (or child like person) makes things more clear. Gump served his country, stood by his first love, and carried no malice towards anyone. A greedy man cannot do any of those things. We are witnessing that.

      Now as far as Mrs. Robinson goes, you are welcome. Ha

      Keep those blessings coming.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Linda - Thank you. I have been having a bit of fun with these interviews. We seem to be observing the clash of society's values. One camp wants us to believe that it is every man for himself. That is convenient because it makes us all weaker. The good news is that this is temporary. A good deal of damage is being done, but we can repair it. The base once it finds out how badly they are affected will turn on them.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Randy – Those that believe in Trump seem to be bulletproof to what seems obvious to the rest of us. Thanks for the visit.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago from Texas

      Mike, thank you for this and for Gump trying to set the greedy man straight.

      I will be hearing "where have you gone Mrs. Robinson" for the next few days.

      Blessings my friend

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 2 months ago from Minnesota

      Mike-I love these interviews your writing. This interview between Gump and Trump was right on the money. It was compelling, but so sad at the same time. What a scary time it is in our country that we would have Trump as president.

      I pray nightly that eventually one of his many screw ups will end up in impeachment.

      Thanks, your friend Linda

    • Randy Godwin profile image

      Randy Godwin 2 months ago from Southern Georgia

      I wish the Trump fans were as smart as Forest. No such luck....

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Start the campaign. I hope you had time to relax over the long holiday weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill – He does, he really thinks money is the center of the universe. Maybe it is but the side effects seem to devastate the mind. I hope you enjoyed your weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Forrest Gump is no match for the most intelligent man ever born to earth parents, but he tries to understand. Thanks for your comment. Glad you enjoyed the video. It is from the movie. I caught a few episodes of ‘Band of Brothers’ to celebrate Memorial day.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 2 months ago from North America

      Gump for President and Lt. Dan for VP!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 months ago from Olympia, WA

      He serves his country by making money...now I know...I was so confused by that until reading this article. What a true patriot he is!

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "Life is like a box of chocolates...ya never know what you're going to get." This is perfect for Memorial Day, Mike. "..rain was like trouble coming from all sides and people’s troubles get like that. It comes at them from all directions and sometimes they need help.” "You are a patriot who won’t fight, a Christian without empathy, and a president who does not love his country's people." Leave it to our beautiful Forest to sum it all up so plainly yet succinctly, and Lt. Dan who knew what the outcome would be before the conversation ever took place. And Mrs. Robinson is one of the best songs every written. Well done!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Thanks for joining in the fun. Enjoy your days away. Happy Memorial Day.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie. It has been a while since we have had a President that served in the military. G.W. Bush signed up for the Air National Guard, but there are reports that he did not show up for duty. You are right, the sitting administrator, does not like to pay taxes, stating something like, only stupid people pay taxes. We are witnessing what kind of leader a man with these characteristics will make.

      Glad you like the music selection.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Only you would have a Trump-Gump interview, and it was lol good. I'm with Mar, I want some shrimp and chocolates. The video was hilarious! I'm getting ready to leave on another vacation, I'll be back in a few days. Keep writing, I'll catch up....

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 2 months ago from South Africa

      He was not in Vietnam? He never paid his taxes? He doesn't care about the 'little' people? What kind of a president is that?

      Thomas Carlyle: "A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men."

      I love the song 'Mrs Robinson'. I actually love all the songs of Simon and Garfunkel.

      Thought provoking interview! Thumbs up, Forrest Gump.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. I hope you are enjoying the shrimp, the chocolate, and the time off to just relax and let all the chores that stack up go. Why ruin a perfectly good holiday? Happy Memorial Day.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dang you, Mike...now I have intense cravings for shrimp (any kind will do) and a big ole box of chocolates.

      Happy Memorial Day to you and yours. Hugs, mar