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The Haunt of The Devil

Updated on January 25, 2012

I wake up today and look at the time; it is one in the afternoon. I missed college again. It may seem like “not a big deal” to most of you but believe me the case is different. For me it has become a mental torture on a daily basis.

I don’t know how the tables are turning for me. I am unable to realize whether I am worthy of some things or guilty of many. Mental strain from these events is weakening me, subduing my strengths. I don’t man up to little things like even waking up at 7 for college.

All my dreams and the determination for them have slept like me. I sleep more and more, to kill time, kill the think I ought to do, the decisions I need to take. Somewhere I know that I am not this person… and I am afraid of what I am becoming.

I have stopped caring about almost everything. i don’t pay heed to anyone, to love, to care, to life, to career. I wasn’t like this. It is like darkness is taking over me. I incessantly feel that I should get over with it. I need some redemption.

Otherwise, either I will die or I will live long enough to see myself become the villain for everyone as has been the case with most people who have left me behind.

It is like the devil has control over my body, my mind and my soul. Every second I am moving close to him and further away from god.

I want to be good; he provokes the evil in me.

I want to solve my problems; he makes me sleep over them.

I wish I could be more energetic; he forces idleness into me.

I want to succeed and achieve my dreams; he fails me.

I wish to see some light of support; he blinds me.

The blindness makes me so aghast that I fall indefinitely into a pit of darkness from where there is no moving out.

Somewhere I know the devil is a part of me and I want it removed badly. It’s like a cancer growing on me which if not removed will kill me. The devil agitates me, irritates me but yet he is the one controlling me. I don’t want that and I have realized that.

When I think of my past and of what I was at school and in society at that point of time, it gives me strength. It gives me that single ray of hope towards the redemption I seek. I can still feel that I have the streak inside me. The lust for success, the passion to stay on top of things, and the blood to be good, all are still present somewhere within me. The biggest support I see in the flashbacks of my life is the love I shared for myself, that was my biggest boost.

Today after a lot of thinking and talking done with the few friends we have, I have devised a solution for this fatigue, monotony, stress and depression which is suffocating me.

I will not sleep tonight as the yesterdays. I will stay awake. I will wait for the devil to begin his strides into my mind, but I will still stay awake. I will work up something constructive all night today and I know that will irritate him, like the sound of the heavenly bells at the gates of St. Peter. I will remove him today entirely for my life; I will make myself take control. I will regain myself. That is the determination I always had and I will have it again. Tonight is the night I change… change back to what I was.

The haunt of the devil will end. All I need is the light of one blessing from god. Amen.

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    • rahul0324 profile image
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      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Sharon... and you have extraordinary kindness embedded in your soul :D

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Thanks Terrye! I am glad to...

      You are always so kind to me

    • sharonchristy profile image

      Sharon Christy 5 years ago from India

      Lovely story! You captured my attention throughout, you have extroardinary descriptive powers. Awesome hub!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Very dark and painful but well presented. Glad you worked though it and now have moved on to the beautiful poetry you write now. :) Voted up and more.

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Hi Marcela... So nice to see you here! I am glad you connected!

      Evil cannot win over good.. however hard it tries :)

    • profile image

      Marcela Arnaut 5 years ago

      Great expression of the battle between those positive and negative strings that pull us back and forth and of the oppression that comes at times even to those who are meant for greatness. This hub kept me reading all the way through.

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Hi Felix!!

      Knowing what is right in spite of our short comings and nature is something we should all focus at! It helps us in understanding ourselves better... and moving towards a better future

      Thank you for the kind words :)

    • Felixedet2000 profile image

      Felixedet2000 5 years ago from The Universe

      It is good you have a mindset of clarity, that's the ability to choose and do what is right despite our shortcomings as humans.God has touched your life my friend, it's well with your soul.

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Thanks for the kind words DS!

    • DS Duby profile image

      DS Duby 5 years ago from United States, Illinois

      wow, very impressive writing, Rahul. You may not feel motivated in some other areas but your creativity and writing skills are excellent.

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Thanks for the support tobusiness! I will surely need it always... I will not let it win..

      Thank you!

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Wisdom! Thank you for your words of kindness,,, you yourself are a great writer!

      Thank you!

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 5 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Rahul, some how I missed this, I hope you have emerged from that dark place, and is now bathing in light. They do say artists must suffer for their art, you are such an artist. brilliantly written. Don't let the darkness win,

    • wisdom25 profile image

      Maurice Wisdom Bishop 5 years ago from San Tan Valley

      Great write Rahul! You have an incredible gift for writing. I'm starting to read a lot of your hubs and you are truly gifted. Keep your head up. Much Love and Respect

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Well Good morning to the Lord! Thank you for the kind words! I am just born to write... you Lord are born to usher the world with happiness! And I am right away...

      Anything you want!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ...now this is a great title Sir Rahul - wish I had written this one. And you were born to write - I am inspired by everything you put down on paper/screen and it's always a pleasure to receive kind words and support from you - it was a good day when we met - do me a favor if you - and check out Sannel's erotic poetry and tell her I sent you - particularly My desire within - and here I sit with daybreak over the lake with first cup of hazlenut coffee and Handel playing over my speakers at lake erie time ontario canada 6:17am

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Indeed he can Dalton! Thanks for the visit!

    • dalton71482 profile image

      Jeremy Wade 5 years ago from Tennessee

      very good story. god can help us through anything

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Thank you Debbie for such kind advice... coming from sheer experience and knowledge! Thanks to that!

      I have been almost successful in changing completely... just a few aspects remain...

      Thank you for your support

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      when I was young I slept a lot until I finally got a job.. acknowledging that it is wrong and that you want to do right is a great step..next pray and read your bible my friend.. we need the whole Armour of God.. Ephesians is a great book for that..

      I admire you for writing about it and wanting tio change.. I didn't even do that when I was young

      God bless you my friend

      Debbie

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Thanks for your kindness Jade...you are a dear!

    • profile image

      k2jade31 5 years ago

      Me too, I am glad that you came out of it,some people don't. You are very talented, love reading your work.

    • rahul0324 profile image
      Author

      Jessee R 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      thanks jade! This was a personal experience... glad the phase is over

    • k2jade31 profile image

      Kimberly Shelden 5 years ago from Idaho

      The content is heartbreaking, good versus evil- the writing is beautiful, and the pictures highlight your poem magnificently.

    • shalini sharan profile image

      shalini sharan 5 years ago from Delhi

      may he bless you and turn you back to what you were, caring and the best man i know