The Hope in the Midst of Hopelessness
We all at one point or another feel like we're losing control. Maybe its loss of control over ourselves, our thoughts, or our life. Maybe its our relationship or our finacial burden has taken its last toll. As lost as we become, it is these points that create who we will be. If you pull through you'll become a stronger and smarter person. If you give up maybe it just time to let that go. We can't understand the world around us when we're always on top. To fall no matter how far or how bad it hurts is only the beginning of creating something new. No matter how far you fall try hold onto the hope in the hopelessness. That hope is the only thing that will pick you back up.
The saying "What does not kill me only makes me stronger." is something so beautiful to describe life. I knew a girl who at one point in her life felt like there was no way out. She hated everything even though a few years earlier hate wasn't even in her vocab. Kind of shows you how fast feelings can change. The down slope started when her mom became extremely sick. Her mom had lost all her hair yet no doctors could tell her why. Yet her mom was a strong woman. Many couldn't see the pain her mom was really going through. She could though, at a young age she knew. Her dad was extremly stressed with the path his life was going down and he didn't always seem to show her mom love. This stress was slowely taking life away from her mom and no matter how much she begged, her mom wouldn't leave because she loved her husband. This girl moved to a new school where no one wanted to give her the chance at first. Soon she met a man who worked with her dad. He was about 40 and she was 13. This man was constantly trying to talk to her. He would come over to her house when no one was there except her and her little sisters and when she would try to get him to leave he wouldn't. He would sit in front of her window at two in the morning and constantly stalk her with his disgusting talks and lame pick up lines. When she tried to tell her parents how uncomfortable he made her she would get earfulls of learning how this man was lonely and had no family and that why she had to be nice to him. She hated the pain, she hated the way her parents faught, She hated how un protected she felt, she hated herself. She hated herself so much for so long she could only think about how much she wanted to end it all. One night she locked herself in the bathroom and decided this was it. She was checking out. No more pain, no more being ignored, no more hate. She had everything she needed to end it all there. She got closer and could feel the blood bursting through her vains. The feel of ecstasy mixed with pain in one giant rush to enter a new world. Emo?? Dieing for attention? No, just a lost soul. She was ready until she took one last look in the mirror. There she saw it. Deep in her cold eyes she saw hope. She saw the beautiful child she once was. Who loved to laugh and just wanted others to join in. The girl who lived in ignorant bliss and always tried her best to be accepted by her family. Who was she to take away the greatest gift she could of ever recieved, the gift of life. She looked deeper and saw that all she was doing was blaming others for the way she felt. She made that choice to feel this way and let all these things affect who she was. How selfish was she to think her family deserved this pain she had been suffering from put back on them. She saw her cold eyes slowly transform into tears. Tears of hope. She heard it calling and she lissened. That night was the best night she had slept in along time. That night she decided it was time to love herself and not let the world ever agian dictate who she was. That next day her mom woke up happy and told her that she would have a new brother soon. She almost lost herself in all the emotions. What if she had gone through with it? She would of never met her brother. Her wonderful, amazing brother, who in the end saved her life in so many more ways. After that she realized all that pain transformed her into a stronger person with a new sence of life. She realized taking your own life is never worth it because you never know what tomorrow holds, literally. You can have a million bad days then have a trillion good ones. You could feel so lost but soon all that confusion will start a path of its own. A good path. This girl went on promising herself that she would never get that depressed agian. She met loves who at the time broke her heart but she stayed true to her promise and soon found a great man to love her. They had three amazing children together. Her parents kept fighting and even sometimes she would join in. The day she felt herself slipping agian was the day she started planning on moving out. She became pregnent and that gave her the needed strength to get out and move in with her true love. After that her parents really realized the pain they had caused. They started to make up and now all of them are rebuilding a relationship that was once a huge pile of pain and anger. She still gets knocked down but has learned the best way to overcome is to always find that hope in the midst of all the hopelessness. I know exactly how she feels as for the fact her and I are the same person. I can't tell anyone else how to feel or how to take life because honestly I don't know what you've lived through or what you've experienced. I do know though that the happiest people I met are the ones who no matter what look for hope and don't give up when theres seems to be very little if any at all. Don't hold on to the things that hurt you in life that you cannot change, including people, but grasp the lessons of the pain so you can change yourself for the better.