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The Joke Part 2
The Gathering of Four and Nylon
If you haven't read The Joke Part 1 you will be confused.This Hub is a multiple part story. It is too long for one Hub. I thought I would give it a trial run in segments over time.
The Gathering of the 4 and Some Nylon :
As it goes in Florida, rarely does the temperature dip below freezing. Of course this morning I have to be outside for an extended period of time loading luggage into and onto the PT Cruiser so the temp is at a balmy 29 degrees, little do I know this is only a small glimpse of what is to come my way.
Yankee Jim and Puerto Rican Chef Frank are sitting in the Cruiser upon my arrival at the office. They get out, Jim introduces me to Frank the 6'3" 275 pound Puerto Rican Culinard trained Chef. It was at this point I began to realize how small a PT Cruiser is for 4 grown men about to embark upon a 2,350 mile trek to Utah. Nevertheless, I was in no position to complain and was determined to make the best of the situation despite separation from my 3 children and the lady whom I love. I have not been away from them more than 5 consecutive days since our wedding in 1996.
I approach Frank in an attempt to find out if he spoke English. I asked him if he spoke English, of course the answer was no. So much for that friend making venture. We sat there for a half hour freezing and waiting for our departure. I began to notice Frank, Jim and I were the only ones present, our mysterious 4th guy was apparently late. Finally, at 8:30, Jeff the know everything, about all things, Jew from New York arrives at the PT Cruiser.
Our luggage had been placed into the PT Cruiser prior to Jeff's arrival. There was absolutely no more room for his two large travel suitcases.
At this point the Mexican manager of the office, Joel (pronounced Joe El) walks out of the building milling about minding his business. I only mention that Joel is Mexican for the simple fact that he is under the assumption that all people are illegal aliens who have no recourse at all for anything, or room to "bitch" or complain about the utter inhumane mistreatment of themselves. He therefore treats everyone equally shitty and shows the same shitty concern for their plight. This point in time I later came to realize was the official start of the catastrophe to come and the first documented "bitchery" or complaint of our insignificant to others plight. The term, "bitchery" or more accurately "to bitch" is a major player in later chapters of the saga which are about to unfold.
As Joel is skipping by on his merry way to a close to home job, Jim cuts him off and steers him to the PT Cruiser and says simply, "Where?" while pointing to Jeff's two large pieces of luggage. Joel, having the brilliant mind and being caring guy he is says in a thick Spanish accent, "Ok, let's go to Wal-Mart to get the thing for the top." The PT Cruiser had a luggage rack on the roof so the hard shell water proof type containers could be safely attached without fear of seeing your stuff tumbling down a dusty Texas roadway. With that, Jim and Joel are off to Wal-Mart to get the container to keep Jeff's clothes and other belongings safely, securely, attached, and dry.
30 minutes have gone by, Frank, Jeff and I are freezing and beginning to talk to each other in attempt to get to know each other a little bit more. Jim and Joel return, but I don't see a large container in the bed of the small pickup they departed in. They exit the vehicle at the same time, Joel skips away merrily and Jim is left to install the wonderful device they have thriftily spent 3 dollars to purchase. Jim reaches into the bed of the pickup and pulls out a box. It was about the size of a box a pair of adult men shoes would come in. He tears it open, a huge overgrown nylon backpack falls to the freezing pavement. Jeff immediately says in his best Dice Clay impression, "What the Hell is that thing". Jim could only reply, "I tried to tell him but he knows everything."
I grabbed the paper from the box to read while Jeff began the official "bitchery" while cramming his clothes and other belongings into the backpack. As he was zipping the backpack up I noticed something which struck me as an oddity. I read the fine print on most things and look for intentional words placed into crucial spots in order to mislead your brain into thinking you have what you need. I noticed the paper from the backpack package stated it was "water resistant" not "water proof." I pointed this out to Jeff and was basically ignored. After all what would a sheet wearing, KKK card carrying hick from Alerbammer know about the physical properties of a nylon bag that came complete with big ole fat plastic zippers. Once the backpack was zipped we loaded it onto the PT Cruiser and strapped it down.
We were ready to depart for Utah, I opened my door to hop in and have a seat. When I opened the door and witnessed what I witnessed, I was in disbelief. It was at this point my "bitchery" was first documented......
I will be adding Part 3 soon. I am polishing it for publication.