The Malaprop Book Review...
I am well read and was born in the land of Shakespear(e) (to e or not to e, that is the first question...) so I am ominously qualified to be a book reviewer. This is my first attempt at being a literal person, but following the success of my film hub, which I must say met with great critical acclaim, (I was criticized a great deal), but having earned six cents on adsense, and thus my best hub to date, I will solder on...
The first book, a classic by June Austen is called Prayed and Prejudice. Frankly this is a very dull book indeed. Everyone who is a girl is very silly. Everyone who is a man has a price tag. The price tag is talked about in code, as in, "he is settled in the sum of ten pounds a year." Which means he has a dead person who gives him money. The silly girls try to dance with the person with the biggest settlement, but this involves organizing a party, which is absolutely the hardest thing in the world to do. There is very little praying, but the book is very prejudiced as it contains not one single person of color, well at least up to page sixty five, which is as far as I could go without screaming.
There are many books of this type, including Jane’s Hair and Withering Hypes, but I can’t review them due to my being the wrong gender.
I needed a change of pace and read a very famous children's book by Maurice Sendback, called, Where The Mild Things Are. Given the title, I was a bit surprised to see monsters and stuff, and Max seemed kinda moody, but it is very good according to the little people I know. (They also gave me a copy of their, Here's Waldo book, but it had no words in it, and an arrow, drawn in purple crayon, on every page, so, not really the mystery it was touted as. The much-vaunted Waldo finds Carmen Sandiego follow up, should be a smash hit.)
The DaVinci Comb
This is a riveting read as Tom Hanks rushes all over Paris trying to find the people who wrote on the back of a famous painting. If you go to the Louvre (which is an art gallery, not a window dressing) do not write on the back (or front) of any of their paintings, the guards will kill you. Anyway in this search for the descendants of Jesus who love to play word games and puzzles, Tom has a bad hair day (best seen in the movie, the book does not really talk about it) necessitating the using of a comb that actually makes it worse.
The Ladies Number One Defective Agency
The Bitches of Eastwick
Wow, these ladies go to extreme lengths to get back at each other. The recipes should not be copied, as eye of newt really tastes as bad as you think it would.
The Russia Mouse
I love spy stories, but this Le Carre classic goes in a new and unexpected direction. Rather than the traditional mole, which is usually a bad guy in a costume, the protagonist here is the aforementioned mouse. The mouse is really James Bond hiding behind a beard who falls in love with a beautiful Russian woman who is in love with a dissident writer. It has a happy ending. There is cheese.
Lady Chatterley’s Mother
I had heard all sorts of good things about this book. Raunchy, racy, and sexy, were all words my friends used, as apparently Lady Chatterley, who is not getting any, comes across a gardener by chance…This is not that book. Lady Chatterley’s mother, also called Lady Chatterley, is a whole other story. She did get some, and the result was the baby lady. There are no rude bits. It is excruciatingly boring.
The Pound of the Baskervilles
This is not one of Conan Doyle’s better mysteries. Mrs. Baskerville is walking across a fog-bound moor when she looses a pound note. The problem is discovered as she tries to pay for her groceries and comes up short. Sherlock Holmes is informed, but he gets all snotty with Dr. What’s On and says, “I don’t leave the house for less than ten pounds, call me back if she looses her dog or something…”
George Orwell wrote this book in 1984 as a satire on the state of government bureaucracy. A whole bunch of animals that had formerly taken over a smallholding in the name of socialism, are trying to get tax exemption from the local city council. The city won’t recognize hoofprints as a signature unless it is accompanied by an affidavit as stated on form FU 324678-34y. The hilarity ensues as the chickens try to fill out the paperwork, and the taxman falls head first into the pig sty.
The Lord Of The Wrings
There are three and a half books in this saga of a little guy with hairy feet going through ever increasingly difficult challenges. He finds a creepy little guy called precious, who is hiding something and speaks in riddles. They go on a quest to find Grand Alf, and have to fight the guy, called Sour One, and his army of creatures made of mud. The quest really takes it out of Bilious Baggins, thus the reference to going through the wringer in the title. The half a book is way more fun than the other three.
Do not use these reviews as a book report as you will be accused of philatilism and no writer likes to be called a stamp collector...
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