The Many Times I've Said Goodbye
So enraged am I at your love, holding close a primal urge to guard my heart.
How can you be so false, so empty, yet to me you speak the truth so strongly.
It hits me like a furious wind down a tunnel… this tumultuous lie of love.
I cannot deny its power that rips and shreds my insides with but a touch from you.
This rarity of understanding, like the eclipse that broke above us,
I know it to be as rare as any true thing.
Standing tall like a tree, preventing my escape,
You made me stand still and take in the light that glowed from those who saw me.
You refuse to let me run to my quiet lonely caverns… arms like steel, yet tender.
And if I escape the burning desire in your eyes, I run so far and fast.
Yet you are always there when I come seeking you beneath the violet sky.
Though my lips spoke no words, you found them nonetheless…
Where they grated across the cobblestones of my desolation.
I was alone, contemplative and parched from sadness,
When I looked up to see you approaching with a perfect pail of water.
It cannot be, this hurricane of right and wrong…this beautiful mess.
Like poison you open my wounds, then like the antidote you heal me.
You seal my fickle heart, pouring golden truth as a bond to keep me…
Once touched by your incandescent soul, I will not survive without it.
I fought a fierce conflict with all my senses, choking the reins back til I could not breathe...
This love brings danger to me, danger of hurt and of blindness to all else.
I pretend my heart is silent and made of stone … like the house you built for me.
You picture me sitting on the windowsill you crafted, bathing in the dusk
My face is turned away, but I hold a pen and paper, as one would hold a life raft…
On those pages you will see that you have made me deeply sad, like the empty church I love so well…
In my sure hand you will find that you have opened up my depths,
Passion filling your lungs, you shouted, ‘here is a woman, of blood and sun and life! ‘
Fiercely you grabbed me and led me into the sunlight, where I was forced to feel.
No longer would you let me be hidden beneath my shrouds of solace,
You poured yourself into me and looked on in amazed sadness as I remained unmoved.
For if my heart opened to receive your profound love, in its absence, the deeper loss I feared…
You look for me on the stone path, beneath the tree of a love that could be,
Yet I will not be there. I turn to run as your hand reaches out to touch my face.