The Many Unwritten Commandments Of Beer
What we need to know when it comes to beer.
a. Thou shall not waste beer in anyway.
b. Thou shall not waste beer, unless:
1. If you are a man, pour beer on a beautiful female on her chest (white or orange t-shirts, are encouraged) you care about if it's at a random college or tailgating party.
2. If you are a woman, pour beer on another woman to blind them in case of a fight with another female breaks out over a man (which usually happens).
c. Thou shall not steal thy beer.
d. Thou shall not steal another person's beer unless they stole a beer from you.
e. Thou shall not use beer as a substitute for apple juice at a cocktail party and say it's apple juice....IT'S BEER FOOLS!! Unless you want to liven up the party.
f. If one has the opportunity to do it, sell beer like it’s a bootleg DVD if the beer is warm. Make sure to get proper change.
- In other words. hustle beer like you’re giving away bootlegs for $10.
g. If you waste beer on somebody, make sure it's worth it and it’s a female that’s above a 7 on a scale of 10
h. Thou shall win a burping contest using beer.
i. Thou shall take a breath mint or use mouth wash after drinking lots of beer.
j. Thou shall embrace the notion of a hangover.
k. Thou shall not steal from thy friend's parents fridge unless you can replace the beer with more beer or an envelope full of cash. Show some class.
l. Thou shall not drink while pregnant.
m. Thou shall not have a weak stomach when drinking beer.
n. Thou shall be an international ambassador by drinking beer from other countries.
o. Thou shall not be out drunk by the opponent in a beer contest.
- In other words, this will make beer drinking contest last a lot longer than normal.
p. Thou shall not go to an exam being drunk unless it is a class you know you will fail in.
- This has happened a lot of times in some college.
q. Thou shall go to an exam with a 6-pack or case of beer in case the class is boring beyond belief and it’s not even your major.
- Case in point: a business major going to a science class just for the credit.
r. Thou shall, in case of extreme emergency, use a bottle as a weapon in a fight.
s. Thou shall drink beer while skinny dipping.
t. Thou shall not GIVE A CHILD A BEER, unless they're acting like bastards.
u. Thou shall not run out of beer at a party.
v. Thou shall drink before or during a sporting event (if it helps).
w. Thou shall not challenge an African-American, anybody from Texas, a whole entire fraternity, or a German at the Oktoberfest to a beer drinking contest.
x. Thou shall not use a beer CAN to a bar fight. (That’s like bringing a knife to a gunfight).
y. Thou shall not drop thy beer on the floor/ground.
z. Thou shall know the truth through somebody drinking beer.
- In other words: if you want to know the truth…GET SOMEBODY WASTED!!!